Do you ever find yourself yelling at your husband and then regretting it? Does it happen that you say offensive things to him, the reality of which you yourself do not believe? How often do you feel remorse for actions that destroy your relationships? Does this sound familiar to you? Then this article is written for you!

To get started, answer the following questions:

• Do you think it is possible to control emotions?
• What advantages and benefits will we get if we learn to control our emotions?
• What damage do we cause to ourselves and our family by failing to control ourselves?

I think it's obvious that self-control is a skill worth learning, but how?

When I first got married, my ability to control my emotions was at best 10%, and today I can proudly say that I have 90% control over my emotions. I not only learned to control my emotions, but also began to help other women in this difficult task. I have developed several exercises that, with constant practice, give amazing results.

How to control your emotions and maintain peace in the family?

Follow the six rules!

Rule 1: Don't dramatize the situation

Many women simply “wind up” themselves and make a big deal out of any little thing: “He didn’t call me, that means he forgot about me, that means he doesn’t care about me, that means he doesn’t love me anymore, etc.” and so on".

Remember - as a rule, you are offended or angry not at the event itself, but at the meaning that you attach to it. Learn to think more positively and more broadly: “He didn’t call me because he has an important project at work; he didn't call because he wanted me to miss him; he didn’t call because he didn’t want to distract me from my business.”

Or even: “He didn’t call, simply because he forgot.” That's all. No drama.

Rule 2: Take care of your well-being and emotional state

Imagine being tired, hungry and on edge nervous breakdown due to the amount of work. And then your husband comes home an hour later than promised. You throw out on him everything that has accumulated at work, and all your fatigue for last days, and maybe months or years.

Very often we take our anger out on our husband, although in principle he has nothing to do with it. He just came across it at the wrong moment.

So, your direct responsibility is to take care of yourself and your happiness. Then your husband will get a piece of your happiness instead of a ton of your stress.

Rule 3: Play the role of a happy and good wife

Yes, as they say, “fake it till you make it.” That is, play it until you get it - until it becomes second nature.

They will help you here necessary books, films and live communication with those who can serve as an example for you.

Say goodbye to your previous image, because you didn’t choose it, life somehow imposed it on you without your consent. Choose for yourself new image and be who you want to see yourself when playing this role as an actress. Very soon this will become a habit, and before you know it, you will become the person you always dreamed of being!

Rule 4: Analyze your intentions, behaviors and results

Behind every action there is a good intention. For example, a woman yells at her husband because she wants him to understand and accept her feelings. But does her action - raising her voice - lead to the desired result? Obviously, this leads to the opposite. The husband simply ignores her and insists on his own even stronger.

Therefore, it is important to ask yourself: “Why am I screaming? What do I want to achieve with this? Does this lead me to the desired result? What alternative action can I take to achieve what I want? Learn to ask yourself these questions and analyze your behavior, and not just act automatically.

Rule 5: Count to ten and breathe deeply

At any stressful situation The first reaction, as a rule, is animal, instinctive: attack or run away. Therefore, women either make a scandal, or slam the door and leave offended. Neither one nor the other option is a way out of the situation.

You need to understand that rational and creative thinking comes into play a little later in a stressful situation. That’s why they recommend counting to ten and then reacting. More effective way- this is to make a complete breathing exercise: 8 seconds while inhaling, 32 seconds holding your breath, and 16 seconds exhaling. After this exercise, you literally become a new person with whom you can communicate again.

Rule 6: Go to another room to beat a pillow

In the most extreme case, there is a very effective means for releasing negative emotions without sacrifice, without remorse and without harm to others. As soon as you feel like you are about to explode, move away from witnesses and, when you are alone, feel free to start hitting the pillow and shout loudly: “A-a-a-a-a!”

I assure you that even a minute of such entertaining pastime will be enough for you to again feel that you are “perfectly in the saddle”! We can talk, communicate and find out with you again various questions without fear for your health.

Remember, you may not always have power over the situation, but you can always have power over yourself. This is what I wish for you!

All things, objects, all living beings are all one energy. There were yogis on Earth who could eat nails. That is, simply put, it does not matter what is, because it is all one single energy. And they didn't see the difference between eating nails and eating bananas. It's simple different shapes one energy.

This is difficult to understand, much less accept and realize.

The earth has met many such people who could do what they cannot a common person. It all seems strange, mysterious, stupid and implausible to us, but who knows how it really is.

This is beyond the control of our minds, but does it mean that it is not so?

But the matter concerns not only visible and tangible objects. This also applies to our feelings and emotions, thoughts. It's all one energy. Fear comes from the same energy as joy. But they simply appear in various forms, understandable to us, our body, our organism, our mind.

Can you imagine a beautiful sexy woman or a man (depending on what gender you are) and after some time you will feel the reaction of your body. But there is no one nearby, you are alone. Why is this happening? Your thoughts have become the source of changes in your body. You imagined, you thought and received a physical reaction in response. Everything is born in us.

Accordingly, we ourselves can control our emotions and reactions to them. But that's okay. Let's look further.

Let's continue with sexual energy. By itself, it gives us little benefit. This is the desire of the opposite sex. But in it, as I have said more than once on the pages of the site, enormous power is hidden. But how can you feel it for yourself?

One of the ways to transform it and transform it for possible use is the method of concentrating on the energy of this feeling.

How to learn to control your emotions?

You don't need to do anything special for this. The energy of emotion will do everything itself.

Our task is simply to feel the emotion or feeling as energy in the body. And she herself transforms.

This applies not only to sexual energy. This also works with feelings of fear, despair, sadness, and disappointment. This applies to all feelings and emotions. From an energy point of view, all emotions are no different from each other.

An emotion can be felt inside your body.

Just as you could feel the energy of sexual arousal, you can simply try to feel the energy of fear when you are very scared. Just stop and listen carefully to yourself. You will realize that this emotion is concentrated somewhere in one place in your body, it can be felt as something inside you.

This is not just something abstract, you will clearly feel it. It is right here and now, right in this place.

It is the sensation, the perception of your emotion as energy, that transforms and transforms it.

Our experiences and worries do not arise out of the blue, but always have their reasons. And they worry us most of all. We think about the causes of fear, about who or who caused it. About the consequences. Thus, we drive ourselves even deeper into it. As I said, all emotions are born within us. We are their sources.

You need to discard unnecessary thoughts regarding stories related to emotion. You just need to concentrate on the feeling itself, as in our example, fear.

The practice of transformation. Meditation.

How to learn to control your emotions through meditation? Transformation is best carried out in the form.

Let's try.

Purpose of Meditation. Feel the emotion as energy, as created from it, and direct your attention to it.

We don't think about how to transform energy or sublimate it when it comes to sexual energy. We simply reduce our attention to emotions as energy. That's all. Transformation happens on its own.

Let's try to use the energy of fear for meditation. Although, of course, you can try to remember those moments in life when you were very happy about something. Choose any emotion you want.

Remember, it's just energy. She has no characteristics, neither good nor bad.

I will now try to describe the process of meditation, you will understand how it is done and will be able to practice it without any problems.

If you liked my article, please share it on in social networks. You can use the buttons below for this. Thank you!

Reading time: 2 min

Every person dreams of being happy, achieving success, creating a prosperous family. To do this, he creates plans, defines his goals and objectives, imagining in advance a plan for solving them and his own actions. But it is common for a person to get distracted, to forget about everything he has in mind, succumbing to a momentary desire or action that does not at all correspond to the chosen plan of action. When distracted by a fleeting desire, an individual tends not only to forget about the plans he has made, but also finds it difficult to return to their implementation. The reason for all this is the individual’s lack of ability to control his actions, desires and emotions. The ability to control one’s own “I” is an individual’s character strength, which helps to hold back unnecessary emotions, take control of feelings, the ability to act purposefully at any time, restrain impulsive impulses, while following established norms and rules of behavior.

Deprived of self-control of his own emotional states and feelings, a person is able to easily succumb to them and commit uncontrollable, rash acts. The ability to restrain and self-control are those character qualities that modern world not enough for most. Due to the presence of different species and different upbringing of individuals, situations called conflicts occur very often. A person’s emotionality, lack of self-control skills, control of one’s own emotions, leads to disastrous consequences and changes mental state individual, the development of aggression. Therefore, how to learn to control yourself and not get angry is not an easy question, but one that psychologists often ask.

A person experiences deep respect, admiration and, most importantly, a desire to become like him, looking at a person who is able to control emotions, act in accordance with set goals, able to achieve success without being distracted by petty desires, focus on the main thing, and separate the unimportant from the truly important.

How to control yourself and not get nervous? Realize that this personality quality is necessary, find a point of contact that encourages agreement with your own “I”. Restraint and the ability to control helps regulate levels of emotional manifestations, which allows you to achieve success in various fields, the most important thing is to install peace of mind and maintain a healthy psyche. Possessing the quality of control allows an individual to feel protected, achieve personal freedom, and gain respect from himself and from the people around him. A person who is capable of not submitting, but overcoming his own momentary desires, is strong, capable of overcoming all kinds of difficulties. Meanwhile, his willpower is difficult to break for those who wish harm to this individual. Restrained people are able to control themselves, their own actions, thoughts, emotions, and actions.

How to learn to control yourself and not get angry at others? How to learn to act correctly? Actions for which a person subsequently repents are often committed in a state of emotional dyscontrol and driven by false feelings. There is absolutely nothing good about a person’s emotions taking precedence over his reason. Everything should interact harmoniously, leading a person to success in professional field, in personal life and to inner peace of mind. Consequently, a person who wants to learn control must carefully analyze his own behavior and desires. Having done this, find the “weak spots” where he allows you to give in and let your emotions take over.

Itshak Pintosevich, a person who is a coach for the success of human life, expressed the opinion that for the effectiveness and success of achieving self-control, control must consist of three components that must develop simultaneously:

– first, the subject needs to learn to treat himself honestly, not to be deceived and not to create illusions around him;

– second, control must exist in two planes: internal and external. By controlling the completion of the assigned task, a person can tell his colleagues or friends about it, while promising them, if he does not complete it at the appointed time, to pay a fine. An external stimulus allows you not to be distracted by outside activities, but to go in the intended direction;

– third – control of one’s behavior must be carried out systematically and nothing more. If an individual engages in self-control from time to time, it will be just a waste of time, and the person himself, confident in his efforts aimed at control, will complain about life, fate, and subsequently disappointment in his own life, since nothing worked out for him.

A person starting to learn should make a list of goals, following the appropriate hierarchy. This list should always be in sight: on the desktop, on the refrigerator, on the wall that the individual sees when waking up. You need to control the actions you take every day, noting even the slightest progress towards your goal.

When finding yourself in various situations, whether they are joyful or sad, you should analyze what is happening and monitor your own reaction, what emotional response comes out and at what moments.

Having identified situations that cause a “storm of emotions,” the individual needs to understand and realize whether what happened is worth such experiences. Perhaps imagine the worst possible solution to the situation, which will make it possible to understand which of the consequences will be more disastrous for psychological state individual: the consequences of the situation that happened or inappropriate, emotionally rash behavior.

To release accumulated negative energy Sports activities are good: any type of wrestling or self-defense. What is important is the individual’s internal desire to get rid of negative emotions. This can be done in another way, more loyal to your own physical health and to the health of others. For example, if an individual does not like a certain subject so much that the person is ready to get into a fight or simply destroy him, this really needs to be done. But you need to do this mentally! In a situation where a person becomes uncomfortable while communicating with a subject of hatred, one should mentally do whatever one wants with this subject. It is also possible to use paper as a means to help get rid of negative emotions: you can draw a person you hate, and next to it write down the problems that arose thanks to this person. Then the sheet should be burned, and mentally or even verbally put an end to the relationship with the person.

When faced with rudeness and injustice every day, an individual should not become upset and react violently every time. Without the ability to change circumstances, you should simply change your attitude towards them; it is much easier to cope with your own attitude.

The emotional state of an individual is relatively strongly dependent on the state of his finances. You should keep yours under control financial position, loans, expenses and income. The fewer shortcomings and problems there are in the area of ​​finances, the fewer reasons there will be to be distracted, pay attention and waste your energy.

Creating maximum comfort in the home, calmness in all matters and relationships, the ability to influence what is happening at any moment is the surest path to the ability to control your own emotional experiences.

How to learn to control yourself with alcohol

Self-control is a quality that consists not only in the ability to regulate emotions and feelings, but also one’s habits, hobbies and actions. There are often many difficulties in controlling alcohol consumption. Alcohol is a certain kind of toxin, the use of which is relatively difficult to give up, but many do not have such a desire. There is only a desire to learn to control the limits of what is permitted. Many drinks containing alcohol, when they enter the body, do not show their effects immediately, but after a certain time. It is for this reason that individuals who generally drink in small quantities turn out to be the most drunk of the whole large group.

There are several ways to learn to control yourself when drinking alcohol and not get angry about the consequences.

The first thing an individual needs to do is to realize that drinking alcohol weakens a person’s will and ability to control their actions. After all, for many people it all starts with drinking alcohol in a large circle of friends, in honor of the holiday. But this habitual use can become excessive, regardless of the situation. Over the course of a certain amount of time, an individual is faced with the fact that his life has qualitatively changed and has fallen to a completely undesirable level of existence.

The second step towards regulating alcohol consumption is recognizing the fact that drinking has become uncontrollable. The individual must admit that this has become his weakness. As soon as he admits that he is weak, a moment comes that can move the person further along the path of solving the problem.

Drinking alcohol alone should be avoided. “If it’s just beer,” many will notice. Drinking beer becomes the source of the development of alcoholism, and leads to a form that is very difficult to cure. You should also avoid companies where people often drink, especially without reason. It is important to learn your norm and always try to control it.

If an individual knows that free time can easily go and knock over a bottle of alcohol, rules for free time should be established. Instead of a noisy company with alcohol and partying until the morning, it is better to go to a cinema, theater, or go for a run. You need to lead the most active lifestyle possible, find a hobby that will bring you the same pleasure as alcohol. But if you have to go to a holiday that involves drinking, you should clearly determine the amount of alcohol that will be drunk. It will be even better if your friend knows about this and can also control it.

You should learn to set goals for yourself healthy image life, enjoying it without consuming any toxins.

How to learn to control your appetite

A large number of girls ruin their health with various diets and fasting in order to lose weight, which is considered unnecessary, to get in shape so that men will like them. After some time of inactivity, girls gain weight again, this leads to irritability, anger, and sometimes depression. Specialists dealing with issues proper nutrition, claim that more effective way put away excess weight, is only regulation of one’s own appetite. That is, you should learn to recognize the desires of the body itself, how to satisfy them, while controlling your appetite. Scientists highlight different kinds hunger, accordingly it requires in various ways control.

Thus, there is visual hunger when, passing by a display case with buns, a person notices a croissant or pie, which causes an immediate thirst to eat it. The sight of food provokes the release of a certain set of hormones into the blood, which provoke a feeling of hunger.

How to control visual hunger:

– a person should first of all switch to a completely different object. Figuratively speaking, eat with the eyes of a handsome guy passing by or an apple depicted on a poster;

– before eating food, you should examine it carefully to see how appetizing everything looks;

– even if the meal takes place alone, the table setting should be perfect, right down to the color of the tablecloth and the correct placement of food on the plate.

Physiological hunger is a loss of strength, rumbling in the stomach, headache. These are signs that the body requires replenishing energy reserves.

How to control your appetite:

– eat food slowly, paying attention to the signals given by the body;

– stop mid-meal to assess your strength;

– don’t confuse hunger with anxiety.

Taste hunger may be due to the desire to feel a special taste, something specific or original.

To control taste hunger you need:

– use the same product in different dishes(for example, steaming fish, in the oven, or making fish balls;

– try to diversify the food you eat as much as possible, even if it involves something extraordinary.

You should also learn to ask yourself questions: “is this worth it?”, “am I sure that I really want this?” Until you get the true answer to these questions, don’t simply clog your stomach.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

Inability to control your emotions, sometimes in the best possible way affects our relationships with other people. If you want to avoid problems in many areas of life due to the inability to suppress your anger, jealousy and other negative feelings, then we recommend that you use some simple tips.

Managing your own emotions - benefit or harm

It is worth understanding that controlling emotions does not imply a ban on emotions in general. It's about about nurturing an internal culture, which, as a rule, characterizes decent and self-confident people. Please note that there is nothing wrong with freely demonstrating your spontaneous positive emotions, but this should in no way prevent you from suppressing negative manifestations of feelings in special situations.

As you already understand, control of emotions can be called management, first of all, of involuntary emotions, which in turn can be called one of the most important components of a person’s self-control. It is also important to understand that control in no way equals prohibition.

If you learn to control your emotions well at the right moment, then, of course, this will only play into your hands. When a person is truly mature, he will not complain about the lack of self-control - he diligently develops it. And in general, complaints are behavior inherent in children and “adult children” who do not want to grow up.

As a result, we can conclude that for a comfortable life in society, control of emotions is still necessary. However, for a neurotic and unrestrained person this will not be easy - in this case, such a task can do more harm than good. Such a person will become even more irritated, and in the end the situation may turn out to be worse than it was initially. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that a total inability to restrain oneself is a mental disorder, no matter how serious it may sound. It may make sense to consult a specialist. If you learn to manage your emotions, there will be no need to control them.

Remember that the spontaneous nature of emotions interferes with our achievement of long-term goals - with our mood swings we can complicate own life at the most inopportune moment. It is very difficult for a person who regularly succumbs to emotional outbursts to come to the realization of his true purpose.

How to learn to control and manage your emotions

Often we are overcome by emotions at the wrong moment when we need them. Not always any of our reactions is an adequate response in a given situation. You've probably noticed yourself that in moments of emotional outburst, we often think much worse than in a calm state. Sometimes, you just need to distance yourself from the situation, but internal impulses simply do not allow you to do this. And yet, a man who managed to make himself developed personality, understands how useful it is to manage your emotions. Also, many probably understand that a well-mannered person differs from an ill-mannered person in that he is able to control himself, even when it is quite difficult. In general, self-control is very important. What techniques can be used to cultivate self-restraint?

"Keep" your face

This advice is very simple, but has a tremendous effect. Even if a negative emotion has already arisen in you, do not let it show on your face! If you manage to do this, the intensity of emotions will clearly decrease.

With some effort, you will probably be able to develop the skill of “calm presence.” As you know, Indians are famous for the fact that they often skillfully control their emotions - not a single muscle on their face flinches when they are angry, disappointed or surprised. Perhaps such a reaction reveals the true inner strength person. Conclusion: no matter what storms overcome you inside, you should not show it outwardly.

Breath

In peak situations, it is important to monitor your breathing - when its rhythm changes, your emotional state also changes. Just calmly inhale and exhale, and your condition will gradually return to normal.

It is highly undesirable to show your negative emotions in the workplace - this is fraught not only with problems in the team, but, sometimes, with banal dismissal. However, it is important to note that it is not only the subordinate who should restrain himself, but also the management!

When you're the boss, you need to learn to control yourself emotionally.

People who find themselves in leadership positions often, over time, cease to adequately evaluate their colleagues, demanding more from them than they are capable or able to give. As a result, an employee who does not live up to expectations comes under emotional fire. Think about it, perhaps a similar situation has developed in your team, and you are simply demanding more from people than they are required to do. If this is not the case at all, and you understand that the employee has failed to cope with his immediate responsibilities, then it is much more effective to reprimand him in a cold and stern tone than to resort to shouting.

Ways to cope with emotions when you are a subordinate

The most important thing is not to try on the image of a victim. Sometimes, an employee who is insulted by a manager almost “relishes” the painful phrases that he voices. The person does not analyze the words spoken, does not think what caused them - he simply accumulates hatred towards the boss. Of course, it is not easy to be neutral towards a person who radiates negativity in your direction, but it is also important to remember that hatred destroys personality, so you should not cherish it. Perhaps in some similar situation you are not able to give a worthy rebuff, but you are certainly capable of ignoring. When you realize that the situation has reached its peak, simply turn off your consciousness. There is no need to prove anything to your opponent. Wait until he speaks out, and only then calmly tell him what you wanted. Don’t worry that it won’t be done in a timely manner – it won’t cancel the desired effect.

How to become emotionally resilient in any situation

Learn to deal with negative emotions and not give in to them

If you develop the skills listed below, it will be much easier for you to learn to manage your emotions.

• Attention management. You should pay attention to important, positive things, and try not to focus on the negative.
• Control of facial expressions. In particularly difficult situations, it is advisable to save face and not show that you are overcome by any negative emotions.
• Developed imagination. Helps, if necessary, to distract from unpleasant situations and “switch” to something else.
• Breath. When you learn to control your breathing, it will be easier for you to calm yourself.

As you already understand, not everyone is able to manage their own emotional state. And in general, not all emotions can be controlled. And yet, each of us can get closer to the ideal in this sense if we really want to set ourselves a similar task. You can come to this on your own or trust specialists in specialized centers. In the second case, it is important that your mentors are highly qualified and that the centers have a good reputation. To decide on the choice of such an institution, you can read reviews on the Internet.

Remember that our thoughts play a huge role in our lives. When we pay attention to positive aspects, then inside we seem to “launch” a positive state. If we focus more on the negative aspects, then we attract more negativity into life. Of course, this does not mean that you should ignore life problems, however, learn to treat them constructively: not to be a victim of circumstances, but to look for ways to solve difficulties.

If negative thoughts overwhelm you, try to forcibly switch them, direct them in a positive direction - start thinking about something good, or making some plans that lift your spirits. You can simply visualize beautiful pictures in your thoughts - landscapes, loved ones in a festive setting, and so on.

In moments when you are trying to gain control of your emotions, you should think about how you benefit from being in a negative state. Often, a person does not realize that fear, anger or resentment is not a natural or natural state at all. In fact, this is our personal choice, and subconsciously we decided that it is beneficial to us in the current situation and solves some of our problems. Until you understand why you decided to experience this condition, it will be difficult for you to get rid of it.

You shouldn’t suppress or hide your emotions - it’s important to be able to control them

As we have already noted, you should not prohibit yourself from showing emotions. This is about something completely different - emotions need to be kept under control! Do not give free rein to too negative manifestations of feelings, and allow yourself to demonstrate positive mood. Let's find out what a person who is unable to control negative emotions can lose.

1) State of positivity

A person who is overcome by negative feelings is hardly able to think positively. Having succumbed to the influence of anger, malice, or something like that, he is unlikely to be able to “tune in” to a different wavelength in the near future.

2) Calm

Sometimes this is even more important than a state of positivity. A person who is in a calm state is always able to think more soberly than one who is subject to the emotions that overwhelm him.

3) Relationships

Unfortunately, many relationships, which include love, friendship, and business, collapse due to the fact that someone failed to contain the flow of negativity in time. Often this behavior undermines trust, kills feelings, which ultimately often leads to a break in relationships.

4) Reputation

A person who allows himself to frequently display negative emotions is unlikely to have a reputation as a respected and adequate person. When you don’t know what to expect from your interlocutor or you assume that he might suddenly flare up or something like that, you try to limit communication with him. Gradually an opinion is formed about a person that does not suit him at all.

5) Control over life

Anyone who is unable to control their emotions cannot fully control their life. By succumbing to a sudden impulse, a person can lose a lot or face other unpleasant consequences of his impulse. As a result, the life of such a person is less successful than it could be.

In general, the list of losses does not end here, but even from the points listed above it is obvious that lack of control over emotions can sometimes lead to an unpleasant outcome.

Of course, when there are children in the family, the nervous situation in the family may not be the best for their subsequent psychological development. In the presence of children, it is especially important to control your emotions!

Techniques to cope with excessive emotionality

Identification technique. It can help in some peak situations when you need to control yourself. In such cases, it is useful to imagine yourself not as yourself, but as someone else. You can try on the image of some hero or person you want to be like in such moments. Accordingly, you should react and act in the same way as the person with whom you identify yourself would do. The method is quite suitable for creative people with a developed imagination.

Self-hypnosis technique. You can easily use a simplified self-hypnosis technique. At the right moment, you should say certain attitudes to yourself: “I am in control of myself,” “I am invulnerable and calm,” “Nothing will make me angry,” and the like.

Books for parents on managing emotions

If you understand that your family members are not always able to cope with the intensity of any emotions, then, of course, it makes sense to read the literature that teaches how to cope with the manifestation of negativity.

What books should you look at? Special attention? You may like the technique that Richard Fitfield offers in his work “Managing Emotions. Creation harmonious relations" Also quite a lot useful information can be found in the book “The New Positive Psychology: A Scientific View of Happiness and the Meaning of Life” (Seligman Martin E.P.). Many parents can be helped in managing emotions by the work of Capponi V. and Novak T. “Your own psychologist” or Rainwater J. “It’s in your power. How to become your own psychotherapist."

Managing emotions doesn't need to be explained in any particular way. difficult task, however, it’s also not worth not attaching importance to it. Often, it is difficult to achieve the set goal for people who have already missed the moment of the emotion’s emergence, who have not warned it and the actions of their interlocutors who created these emotions.

It is easy for an experienced specialist to understand whether a person is able to keep his emotions under control by studying his “body language”. If a person is calm, his body is relaxed and collected, he is probably able to master his state in necessary moment. If a person’s movements are chaotic, his gaze is uncertain or wandering, then, apparently, it is not easy for him to cope with possible negative reactions. Also, a specialist can give a very disappointing assessment to a person whose body is very tense, tense, or seems to be “shaking.” What is meant by the last definition? “Jerking” is characterized by uncontrollable tension running through the body - this can be twitching of fingers, lips, muscles around the eyes, and so on. These symptoms can be controlled by practicing “quiet presence,” which is specifically mentioned in this article.

There is one more important condition when managing emotions - you should learn to relax yourself in different conditions and situations. Always make sure that your body is in a calm state - this skill will provide you with wonderful results.

Some believe that in love relationships It is not necessary to hold back your emotions, believing that your loved one should accept them “as they are.” It is worth noting that for the time being this may happen, but one day a flurry of negative emotions can still kill the feelings of even the most loving partner. Moreover, this happens completely involuntarily - a person simply one day realizes that he is tired of his beloved’s unreasonable jealousy, temper, aggression, resentment or other unpleasant emotions.

When this critical moment comes, it becomes difficult, and sometimes even impossible, to correct the situation. Of course, in order not to lead to such an outcome, it is better to initially value your relationship and not allow spontaneous negative emotions to destroy the trust and harmony that has developed in a couple. Remember that one thoughtless word can echo in all your subsequent relationships with your loved one.

Don Juan on emotional control (Carlos Castaneda, “Controlled Stupidity”)

The last point will tell you about stalking - a special technique that helps you track down your emotions and feelings in order to keep them under control. In Castaneda's writings, don Juan says that stalking can be called "controlled stupidity." If you have studied English language, then you probably know that the word “stalking” comes from the verb “to stalk”, which means “to secretly pursue, using various tricks and tricks”, and usually refers to hunting. A hunter is called a stalker. Don Juan Matus taught Castaneda to hunt, first offering to study the habits of wild animals.

The author of the book is convinced that Everyday life One should not forget about the stalker's method. It is obvious that the actions of a stalker, as a rule, are based on observations, and not at all on what he thinks. Often we are unable to distinguish between our ideas and reality, confusing observation with judgment. Meanwhile, when a hunter observes, there is no room in his thoughts for reflection, judgment, or internal dialogue - he simply observes what is happening.

Carlos Castaneda points out to us that sometimes we not only do not control our negative emotions, but also indulge them. Many people know what it means to be offended by someone for many years, angry or suffering, without doing anything that could eliminate this condition.

Don Juan calls such indulgence in one’s experiences, weaknesses and self-pity a waste of energy, which only brings fatigue and deprives us of many accomplishments. Of course, there is no doubt that a person who indulges in such weaknesses becomes weak himself.