Every day, every person is bombarded with a huge amount of information. We are faced with new situations, objects, phenomena. Some people have no problem coping with this flow of knowledge and successfully using it to their advantage. Others have a hard time remembering anything. In many respects, this situation is explained by the fact that a person belongs to certain type according to the way information is received. If it is submitted in a form that is inconvenient for a person, then its processing will be extremely difficult.

What is information?

The concept of "information" has an abstract meaning and in many respects its definition depends on the context. Translated from Latin, this word means "clarification", "representation", "familiarization". Most often, the term "information" is understood as new facts that are perceived and understood by a person, and also recognized as useful. In the process of processing this information for the first time, people receive certain knowledge.

How is information received?

The perception of information by a person is an acquaintance with phenomena and objects through their impact on various sense organs. Analyzing the result of the impact of an object or situation on the organs of vision, hearing, smell, taste and touch, the individual receives a certain idea about them. Thus, the basis in the process of perceiving information is our five senses. At the same time, the past experience of a person and previously acquired knowledge are actively involved. Referring to them, one can attribute the information received to already known phenomena or to extract from total weight into a separate category. Ways of perception of information are based on some processes associated with the human psyche:

• thinking (having seen or heard an object or phenomenon, a person, starting to think, realizes what he is faced with);
• speech (the ability to name the object of perception);
• the senses ( different kinds reactions to objects of perception);
• will to organize the process of perception).

Presentation of information

According to this parameter, information can be divided into the following types:

• Text. It is represented in the form of all kinds of symbols, which, combined with each other, allow you to get words, phrases, sentences in any language.
• Numeric. This is information represented by numbers and signs that express a certain mathematical action.
• Sound. It's directly oral speech, thanks to which information from one person is transmitted to another, and various audio recordings.
• Graphic. It includes diagrams, graphs, drawings and other images.

Perception and presentation of information are inextricably linked. Each person tries to choose exactly the option of presenting data that will provide the best understanding of them.

Ways of perception of information by a person

A person has several such methods at his disposal. They are determined by the five senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell. In this regard, there is a certain classification of information according to the method of perception:

• visual;
• sound;
• tactile;
• taste;
• olfactory.

Visual information is perceived through the eyes. Thanks to them, various visual images enter the human brain, which are then processed there. Hearing is necessary for the perception of information coming in the form of sounds (speech, noise, music, signals). Responsible for the possibility of perception Receptors located on the skin make it possible to assess the temperature of the object under study, the type of its surface, and its shape. Taste information enters the brain from receptors on the tongue and is converted into a signal by which a person understands what product it is: sour, sweet, bitter or salty. The sense of smell also helps us in understanding the world around us, allowing us to distinguish and identify all kinds of smells. main role vision plays a role in the perception of information. It accounts for about 90% of the sound way of perceiving information (radio transmission, for example) is about 9%, and the rest of the senses are responsible for only 1%.

Perception types

The same information, received in any particular way, is perceived by each person in different ways. Someone after a minute reading one of the pages of the book can easily retell its content, while the other will remember almost nothing. But if such a person reads the same text aloud, he will easily recall what he heard in his memory. Such differences determine the characteristics of the perception of information by people, each of which is inherent in a certain type. There are four in total:

• Visuals.
• Audials.
• Kinesthetics.
• Discrets.

It is often very important to know what type of perception of information is dominant for a person and how it is characterized. This significantly improves mutual understanding between people, makes it possible to quickly and fully convey necessary information to your interlocutor.

visuals

These are people for whom the main sense organ in the process of cognition of the surrounding world and the perception of information is vision. They remember very well new material if they see it in the form of text, pictures, diagrams and graphs. In the speech of visuals, there are often words that are somehow related to the characteristics of objects by their outward signs, the very function of vision (“let's see”, “light”, “bright”, “it will be visible”, “it seems to me”). Such people usually speak loudly, quickly, and actively gesticulate at the same time. Visuals pay great attention to their appearance, the environment.

Audials

For auditory people, it is much easier to learn what they have heard once, and not seen a hundred times. The peculiarities of the perception of information by such people lie in their ability to listen and remember well what was said both in conversation with colleagues or relatives, and at a lecture at an institute or at a workshop. Audials have a big vocabulary, it's a pleasure to talk to them. Such people know how to perfectly convince the interlocutor in a conversation with him. They prefer quiet activities to active pastime, they like to listen to music.

kinesthetics

Touch, smell and taste play an important role in the process of perception of information by kinesthetics. They seek to touch, feel, taste the object. Significant for kinesthetics and physical activity. In the speech of such people, there are often words that describe sensations (“soft”, “according to my feelings”, “grab”). For a kinesthetic child, bodily contact with loved ones is necessary. Hugs and kisses, comfortable clothes, soft and clean bed are important for him.

Discrets

Ways of perception of information are directly related to the human senses. The majority of people acquire knowledge through sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste. However, the types of perception of information include the one that is associated primarily with thinking. People who perceive the world similarly, are called discretes. There are quite a few of them, and they are found only among adults, since logic is not sufficiently developed in children. AT young age the main ways of perceiving information by discretes are visual and auditory. And only with age do they begin to actively reflect on what they have seen and heard, while discovering new knowledge for themselves.

Type of perception and learning

The way people perceive information largely determines the form of learning that will be most effective for them. Of course, there are no such people who would receive new knowledge entirely with the help of one sense organ or a group of them, for example, touch and smell. All of them act as means of perception of information. However, knowing which sense organs are dominant in a particular person makes it possible for others to quickly bring the necessary information to him, and the person himself allows him to effectively organize the process of self-education.

Visuals, for example, need to present all new information in a readable way, in drawings and diagrams. In this case, they remember it much better. Visuals usually excel in the exact sciences. Even in childhood, they perfectly put together puzzles, many know geometric figures, well draw, draw, build from cubes or a designer.

Audials, on the contrary, perceive information received from it more easily. It can be a conversation with someone, a lecture, an audio recording. When teaching a foreign language for auditory students, audio courses are preferable to a printed self-instruction manual. If you still need to remember the written text, it is better to say it out loud.

Kinesthetics are very mobile. They find it difficult to concentrate on anything for a long time. It is difficult for such people to assimilate the material received in a lecture or from a textbook. The memorization process will go faster if kinesthetic learners learn to connect theory and practice. It is easier for them to learn such sciences as physics, chemistry, biology, in which a specific scientific term or the law can be represented as the result of an experiment carried out in a laboratory.

Discrets take a little longer than other people to take note of new information. They must first comprehend it, correlate it with their past experience. Such people can, for example, record a teacher's lecture on a voice recorder in order to listen to it a second time later. There are many people of science among discrets, since rationality and logic are above all for them. Therefore, in the process of learning, they will be closest to those subjects in which accuracy determines the perception of information - computer science, for example.

Role in communication

The types of perception of information also affect how to communicate with him so that he listens to you. Very important for visuals appearance interlocutor. The slightest carelessness in clothing can push him away, after which it will not matter at all what he says. When talking with a visual, you need to pay attention to your facial expressions, speak quickly using gestures, reinforce the conversation with schematic drawings.

In a conversation with an auditory person, there should be words that are close to him (“listen to me”, “sounds tempting”, “this says a lot”). The perception of information by an auditory person depends largely on how the interlocutor speaks. should be calm and pleasant. An important conversation with the auditory is better to postpone if you have a bad cold. Such people also do not tolerate shrill notes in their voices.

Negotiations with kinesthetics should be carried out in a room with comfortable temperature air, pleasant smell. Such people sometimes need to touch the interlocutor, so they better understand what they hear or see. You should not expect a quick decision from the kinesthetic immediately after the conversation. He needs time to listen to his feelings and understand that he is doing everything right.

Dialogue with discrete should be built on the principle of rationality. It is best to operate with strict rules. For a discrete, the language of numbers is more understandable.

The funny thing about criticism is that although it stings, it is actually an essential part of cultivation. You have to learn to accept criticism and turn it into something constructive. If you are not very good at taking criticism, you may want to work on this skill of yours. This will not only help you improve your interactions with other people, but it will also allow you to improve and feel better when problems arise.

Steps

Part 1

How to deal with your feelings

Keep calm. Being defensive when criticized is natural, but allowing yourself to get angry and show your emotions won't help the situation. Remember that we all make mistakes when we learn something new, so criticism is inevitable, and if you deal with it constructively, you can learn something very valuable as a result. So try to remain calm, even if the person who is criticizing you seems agitated. You should not adopt his emotions, as this may make you seem unable to accept criticism, and this will prevent you from learning anything from it.

Give yourself time to cool down. Before responding or even thinking about the criticism you've received, give yourself time to cool off. Do what you like for about 20 minutes. You can, for example, listen to your favorite music, read a book or go for a walk. Giving yourself time to cool off after receiving harsh criticism will help you deal with it in a constructive way, rather than just reacting based on your emotional response.

Separate criticism from the rest of your personality. Accepting criticism in a healthy way you definitely need to put everything on separate shelves. Try not to think of criticism as a personal insult and don't attribute it to your other actions. Take it as it is and don't add anything to it or make assumptions about other aspects of yourself based on what has been said.

• For example, if someone criticizes your painting, it does not mean that you are a bad artist. In this particular painting, you may have a few flaws that no one will like, but you can still be a great artist.

1. Think about the motivation for criticism. Sometimes criticism is expressed not to help, but to offend. Before you decide what to do with the criticism you receive, think about it a bit. Ask yourself a few questions and try to understand why the criticism was made.

   • Any comments about what you can control? If not, why do you think they were made?
   • Does the opinion of the person who criticizes really matter? Why yes or why not?
   • Are you in competition with this person? If so, can criticism be a reflection of this?
   • Do you feel like you're being bullied? If so, have you asked for help with this issue? (If you feel like you're just being bullied at school or at work, talk to someone who can help, such as a teacher or an HR representative.)

2. Talk to someone about what happened. Whether the criticism was based on your performance or was just a hurtful comment, you need to discuss what happened and how it made you feel. Wait until you can walk away from the person and find someone you can confide in. Tell the last one what happened and how it made you feel. Discuss criticism with true friend or a family member, it will also help you better understand the criticism and its causes.

3. Refocus your attention. Once you have taken steps to calm down and understand the criticism, you will need to refocus on your positive aspects. If you focus too much on what you need to improve, you may feel overwhelmed and helpless. Instead, try to list as many of your strengths as you can so you can start rebuilding your self-esteem.

   • For example, you could include items such as “good at cooking,” “funny,” or “an avid reader” on your list. List as many things as you can and reread your list of strengths to remind yourself of what you do well.

Part 3

How to use criticism for self-improvement

1. Consider this as an opportunity. Most healthy way Dealing with criticism is seeing it as an opportunity to take a step back, evaluate your performance, and find ways to improve. Criticism is a good thing, it can lead you to the pinnacle of perfection. When you look at criticism in this way, it becomes easier for you to accept it. Not only will you be able to accept it, but you may even beg for it.

   • Even if the person was wrong in their criticism, it can still help you find areas for improvement. Perhaps the fact that someone thinks that there is a problem with what you are doing will indicate to you that you need to work on something, even if it is not what that person was talking about.

2. Distinguish between useful and useless advice. When dealing with criticism, it is important to understand what advice is worth listening to. In general, if a person is just complaining, not offering ideas for change, then they should probably be ignored. Also, you don't have to worry about being criticized for something you can't change. Some people throw criticism right and left just to make themselves feel better, and you need to be mindful of those situations. Do not respond to criticism if it is useless. Its confirmation and the fight against it will only give undeserved power criticism.

   • If a person has not given any good advice, then you should understand that this is not constructive feedback. For example, if someone says, “It was just awful, the colors don't match, and the presentation is completely messy,” ask them if they have any tips on how to improve it. If the person's words continue to be unpleasant and useless, ignore them and take whatever they say in the future with a grain of salt.
   • Good criticism is when the negative is accompanied by positive, and the person gives some recommendations for improvement. For example: “I don’t like that much red, but I like the shade of blue on the mountains.” This statement is constructive, so you should listen to what the person says. Perhaps you will take this advice into account next time.
   • What exactly do you need to do to make these changes happen? Write down these steps step by step so you can start working on them.
   • Make sure your goals are measurable and within your control. For example, if you were criticized for an essay you wrote for a class, a measurable goal within your control would be “to start writing the next essay as soon as it is assigned” or “to get the teacher’s preliminary feedback before the essay deadline”. Do NOT set goals such as “write better” or “get the best mark on your next essay” because such goals are difficult to measure and control.

3. Never give up on the path of improvement. Be persistent in trying to implement the advice given to you. Criticism can sometimes lead you in a direction completely different from your normal direction or from what you think is right. And this means that for self-improvement you will need to work. Expect obstacles in the way of changing your behavior.

   • Keep in mind that you can agree with what the person says, try your best, but still end up falling back on what you are familiar with. Don't think it means you can't change, and don't think badly of yourself because of failure. You are learning, and if you are determined and persistent, you will eventually get your way.

• Don't let yourself be bullied. If someone constantly criticizes and puts you down, talk to someone who can help with the situation.

Consider an example where the teacher foreign language sets a task for the listeners. New words are taught in the lesson, everyone first reads them on their own, then they try to translate them together without using dictionaries. Then the materials are closed and the teacher asks each student to translate one or two words just considered from Russian into English.

The process is clear. Let's think about how effectively students can solve this problem.

It is known that all people are divided into three categories: visual, auditory, kinesthetic. Based on this, it is possible to subdivide the types of perception of information.

How a person perceives the world around him depends on his interaction with it. In fact, the language in which you need to communicate with a person depends on the type of perception of the world.

Consider the key specifics of each type.

Audial
Perceives information by ear, poorly remembers "writing". Likes to talk, because for people of this type, this is a priority communication channel. The discussion is dominated. They love listening to audio books.

visual
Perception through vision. I read, I remember. Drawn on the board, good, discussed by ear badly. They have good visual memory. Audio books are not accepted.

kinesthetic
Feeling the world through touch, touch.
A person must write down information in order to remember it.

Now let's look at what type of person the exercise of a foreign language teacher is more designed for.

Two answers immediately arise - to visuals and audials. Visual, because all the words were viewed visually. And this is a fact, the percentage of memorization among such people is high, about 60%.
Auditory, because all words must be spoken. However, for the auditory it is important to say these words yourself in order to remember them better. If at the lesson everyone is asked to pronounce one word, then the auditory system may not recognize the pronunciation of other colleagues. That is why this task for the auditory will be completed by 20-30 percent.

For a kinesthetic person, everything is clear, he did not write down the words, which means he did not remember.

That is why auditory people perceive information well at lectures.
Kinesthetic learners will be able to remember something if they outline the material, and visuals if the lecture is accompanied by illustrations on the board.

Another example from life. In a certain company, you need to come up with a slogan, the manager writes a letter to the whole team about the following content: whoever comes up with a slogan will receive a bonus. Who do you think will start generating ideas faster and more in writing, and who will refrain from writing?

In my practice, I had to work with different types people, but clearly not distinguished by the type in question in this note. However, once I had to work with a person who did not perceive any information at all by ear. Get feedback in a conversation it was practically impossible, because The man did not understand what they wanted from him. However, as soon as you switch to a corporate jabber and start a correspondence, everything falls into place.

Accept information, keep in mind the difference in the perception of information by different types of people.

In this article, you will learn how to better remember information using reliable methods that have already helped many people in studying, reading and learning in general.

Whether you are reading nonfiction to study a particular topic (say, investing or internet marketing) or to study for exams, there are a few rules that will help you continually increase your ability to remember and recall material.

Use these rules every day and increase your learning potential.

How to remember information better:

Rule #1: Fast Reading First, Detailed Reading Later

Usually people try to remember all the details from the material they read in one sitting, but The best way to learn complex information is to divide the reading process into two or three stages.

First run your eyes over the text you need to read (two or three pages will be just right), reading superficially. Don't force yourself to memorize anything during the first reading.

Now return to the same material, reading slowly this time. Say difficult words out loud. Emphasize Difficult words or key concepts.

If you still feel puzzled, go through the material a third time. You will be amazed at how much information fits in your head!

Rule No.2: Take notes

When studying new material (at a lecture, webinar, just reading something), take notes.

After some time, rewrite your notes in a notebook, collecting and summarizing all the information. You will notice that you probably wrote down some of the information or materials that seemed very important to you during the lecture, but is no longer of interest.

Draw on concepts that you wrote down but didn't clearly explain when writing down your thoughts. Look up definitions of keywords and external resources. Write down the information you find in the form that suits you. This will fix the information in your memory.

Rule No.3: Teach others

We remember best when we teach others. That's why study groups can be very effective if used correctly. Instead of using your group just to complete some tasks, ask your partner to "run" you through the material covered, have you verbally repeat what you have learned.

Find a person in the class who does not study well, and become an informal mentor for him.

If you cannot find such a "student", tell your partner or roommate about what you have learned in class. Do not repeat material that you already know well.

Pick the information you're having trouble understanding and force yourself to explain it to someone over dinner or while walking the dog. This will allow you to really get the gist of the material you have been learning.

Rule #4: Talk to yourself

Believe it or not, listening to your own voice will make it easier for you to memorize new facts. Record how you read key words and definitions aloud, and listen later. This trick will make your self-learning more effective. You will have several senses involved at the same time - auditory, verbal and visual - plus you will be more attentive, since reading aloud requires concentration.

There is another fun trick. It is to make flexible PVC pipes a "telephone receiver" that you could hold up to your mouth and hold against your ear while you read aloud. Believe it or not, the concentrated sound of your own voice passing through this “phone” will be easier to remember than your normal voice when reading material aloud.

Rule #5: Use visual cues

Many of us remember everything through the visual channel. You can actually imprint in your mind an image of a formula, definition or concept, and you can easily recall necessary information during the test or as needed.

Use this function of your memory by drawing pictures on cards or by using various colored markers when writing down information you need to remember.

For example, if you need to memorize the Latin or Greek root of a word, you can draw pictures that symbolize the meanings of those words. The Latin word "aqua" means water, so you can write "aqua" with a blue marker and draw a drop next to it. The Latin word "spec" means to look, so you can draw glasses next to it.

The cards are also useful tool for visual memory, especially if you use pictures and colors to make them. You can actually remember a word or formula simply because you remember how you struggled to decide whether to write this definition in orange or green. Color can trigger your visual memory to help you access information.

look interesting video about visual notes that help you quickly remember information:

Rule #6: Use a shocking stimulus

Have you ever felt while studying that you were simply unable to remember important information?

Believe it or not, using some kind of shocking physical stimulus will help you understand and then remember difficult material.

According to a study conducted on the topic: "How to remember better," putting your hand in a bowl of ice water while studying will help you remember, and then recall the necessary information. This is because negative stimuli activate the part of your brain responsible for memory (presumably this is so that we remember negative experiences better so as not to repeat them, but this works just as effectively with ordinary memorization of information).

You can use ice water, something hot, or mild pain to help you remember difficult information. Try pinching your arm while holding an ice pack in your hand, or holding a hot cup of tea while studying to stimulate your memory. The main thing is not to hurt yourself for real!

Rule #7: Chew your gum

Teachers may ban chewing gum in their classes because they don't want to peel gum from under their desks later, but chewing gum itself can help you study better and do better on tests.

One study looked at the effect of chewing gum during a test (with graduates as an example). The study found that chewing gum helped students finish the test 20 minutes earlier.

Another study was conducted on eighth graders taking their annual math exam. The results showed that the students who chewed the gum scored 3 percent higher on the test than their peers who didn't chew the gum.

How chewing gum helps to remember information better?

The process of chewing gum stimulates blood flow to the brain and helps you stay awake.

What chewing gum works best?

It doesn't matter if you chew gum with or without sugar. What matters is her taste. Switch to mint flavored gum as mint acts as a mental stimulant and will help you feel calm and focused.

Rule #8: Participate in class even when you feel uncomfortable

Having trouble with a certain concept?

Most of us prefer to sit somewhere in the corner and remain unnoticed in the classroom until we have all the material put on the shelves. But this habit will always get in the way of you in the learning process. Raise your hand, ask a question, or volunteer to contribute to a discussion about a topic you're having trouble with.

Do you attend group classes? Find someone who understands the topic you need and seek advice or help. Let it bother you that you do not understand something.

The discomfort you feel while performing these activities will increase your ability to remember. You will receive answers to your questions and will easily be able to remember the material later, when you need it most.

Rule #9: Highlight and Paraphrase What You Read

When reading a text that is difficult to understand, it may seem to you that the letters are already floating before your eyes. Underline and underline key words and concepts as you read.

Say the words or concepts out loud as you highlight them, and then write (and paraphrase) the material in your notebook. This will help you digest all the information, and not just skim through it with your eyes.

Rule #10: Make up poems or songs

You won't need to do this trick with most of the material, of course, but you may find it useful to come up with poems, rhymes, or catchy songs to help you remember particularly difficult formulas.

You may find it easier to remember the formula if you come up with musical accompaniment for it.

How do formulas help you remember information better?

Many formulas do not make any sense to us. They look like a list of random numbers and letters, or they seem like a set of random instructions that lack a linking element.

If you turn the formula into a song or a verse, you become aware of what once seemed irrational, and this comprehension of the material will allow your brain to better perceive the information and store it in such a way that it can be easily accessed later.

Rule No.11: Look for Associations

Similarly, the association method can help you find links between dates or specific facts that need to be remembered in a particular order.

Find a way to link the date and the name so that it makes some sense, using a play on numbers or words. You've probably done something similar before when you needed to remember a password or phone number.

Find a way to associate the number with the name in a way that makes sense to you and the question of how best to remember the information will not be so acute for you.

Rule No.12: Take breaks while studying

If you study consistently over a long period of time, you may notice that your performance drops the longer you stay in class. Research shows that you should take a 10-minute break every hour while studying to maximize productivity.

What should such a break be?

Be sure to get up, go to the toilet, have something to drink or have a snack. It is best to leave the room you are sitting in and move around a bit to improve blood flow. If you have the opportunity, jump or stretch to get an adrenaline rush and cheer you up. After that, you can get back to work.

Rule No.13: Find a Practical Application

Having trouble remembering a formula or theory?

The problem is that you probably didn't find practical use for this concept in life, so your brain still does not want to remember it.

Imagine how you can use this formula or concept in practice to solve a real problem. If possible, act out or mentally imagine the impact of this problem in a practical way. This will help you understand the formula or concept and, if necessary, easily remember.

Rule No.14: Get Physical

Some concepts are difficult to understand until you see a physical representation of them or an illustration of an idea.

For example, you can appreciate the importance of microscopic analysis by looking at a picture of a DNA chain or anatomy of a cell. If you can't create a physical image or picture, find an image online. This will help you visualize the problem clearly.

Rule No.15: Read important information before bed

Our brain continues to work even when we sleep. Reread your notes before bed one more time so that your brain can better absorb the material while you sleep.

Don't read anything that makes you anxious or upset (you risk disturbing your sleep). Instead, use this trick to reinforce the basic concepts and information you'll need later.

Rule No.16: Practice Breathing Exercises

Stress inhibits the ability to concentrate and makes it difficult to access the information you have already learned.

That's why you can easily understand a principle while in a class, but then get stuck while writing a test. You know that information is somewhere in the back of your mind, but you just can't access it. This is because stress cuts off your ability to focus on anything, leaving you with a "fight or flight" response.

To overcome stress, do for three to five minutes.

Find a quiet place, set a timer, close your eyes, and then focus solely on your breathing. Inhale as deeply as possible, hold your breath until you feel a little discomfort, and then exhale slowly until you feel complete relief.

Repeat like this, without worrying about anything and focusing all your attention on how nice it is to just breathe until the timer goes off.

Try the above methods of remembering information and find the most effective for you.

Good luck with learning new information!

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A PHOTO Getty Images

1. Get ready

Well, if you have at least an approximate idea of ​​what you can be criticized for. If you need feedback about your work or behavior in general, ask for it with confidence. Don't beg for a derogatory response or fake approval by asking questions like "Am I doing this badly?"

2. Keep calm

Check if the body is tense, check the breath.

3. Think Positive

Feedback can be very helpful to you. Assertive people are not afraid to make mistakes, seeing them as an opportunity to learn something.

4. Stay in the adult position

An adult is that part of your personality that is guided by rationality and objectivity. Try to evaluate critical feedback on the following parameters:

• How important is this person's opinion to you?
• How honest and constructive is this criticism?

“Turn on” your adult part to remind yourself that criticism is only about certain aspects of your behavior. This does not mean that you as a person are completely rejected.

5. Listen carefully

Calmly repeat what your critic says in order to:

• show that you are listening carefully;
• check whether you heard what was said correctly (because anxiety can impair our ability to perceive other people's words, and sometimes even our ability to hear).

6. Show empathy for those who criticize you

This does not mean self-deprecation. Don't say things like, "Yes, it must be terrible to live with a person like me!" It's better to say, "I understand that my behavior may upset you." Or: “I understand that for some time you have been unhappy with the fact that I…”

7. Take a break

Sometimes it's better to postpone the conversation until later. Especially if you feel like you can't hold onto your Adult position because you're too angry or confused. In this case, arrange to meet another time. Say that you can listen to the interlocutor more carefully later. During this time, you will be able to calm down, rethink all the facts and, if necessary, prepare for a counterattack.

8. Protect yourself

If you feel that your critic is unfair or aggressive, or if the time and place for such a conversation is not well chosen (for example, in this moment you need to gather your strength before an important meeting, or your conversation is taking place in a crowded place, or you are just tired) - be assertive and protect yourself.

9. Clarify what exactly they want to tell you

Ask clarifying questions. For example, if your critic says, "I don't think a person who behaves the way you do will ever be promoted to manager," ask them the question, "What is it about my behavior that makes you think so?" This technique allows you to uncover aggressive and derogatory undertones that can be disguised as benevolent or innocent comments. Sometimes the phrase "Did you buy a new lipstick?" may mean: "How vulgar is that lipstick of yours!". And the question “Were there traffic jams again?” can actually mean "You're late again!"

10. Share your feelings and thoughts

Respond honestly to constructive criticism, unless you have some specific reason not to. Recognize its positive aspects. For example, you could say, “I was a little taken aback by what you said. But on the other hand, there is reason to think.” Another option: "It was useful for me to hear this, although I cannot agree with you."

11. Give yourself confidence

Remind yourself of your strengths and about your values, about what you have achieved. Ask for support from people who love you for who you are.

12. Make a plan of action

If the criticism is fair and you really want to listen to it, change something in your behavior, think about how this can be done. If the criticism is aggressive and unfair and you do not agree with it, but at the same time it hurt or unsettled you, you need to consider some self-defense techniques or understand the underlying causes of your reaction. Perhaps the words of your critic reminded of some important people in your life, for example, about your parents or boss. Understanding the cause can help you get out of this stupor. Maybe you should do self-development, work out your relationships with these people so that past failures no longer deprive you of strength. If you are not able to understand the reasons for your reaction yourself, it is better to contact a psychotherapist or trainer 1 .

Gael Lindenfield is a psychotherapist, self-development coach and writer. Her books “How to deal with anger. A positive strategy for managing strong emotions” (Golden Calf, 1997) and “Theory and practice of assertiveness. How to be open, active and natural” (Potpourri, 2003).

1 For more details, see G. Lindenfield's Super-Confidence. Simple Steps to Biuld Self-Assurance" (Thorsons; New edition edition, 2000).