Founder of the first sex hotel in Ukraine "Cherry Twins" and sex expert Elena Solovieva told why we need role-playing games and how to practice them correctly.
People meet, people fall in love, get married ... And then each couple tries to build their relationship according to the fabulous postulate "and they lived happily ever after."
At the same time, almost everyone diligently works on the duration of the relationship, and not on their quality. At first everything is perfect, you spend almost all your free time together and enjoy each other's company.
Several years pass, and you realize that you haven’t been kissing in the elevator for a hell of a long time. You stopped sleeping in an embrace and do not rip off each other's clothes, being left alone. This means that three messengers of betrayal or divorce have come into your life - everyday life, routine and boredom.
You diligently try not to notice these uninvited guests, say that this is not about you and so with everyone, but sex happens less and less, passion is less and less and gradually watching a new film becomes more interesting than going to the bedroom.
Then there are several scenarios for the development of the plot - at some point you realize that you are two strangers under the same ceiling and just disperse. You decide to "pick up" emotions on the side and get a lover's mistress.
You live parallel lives and find yourself hundreds of excuses. And finally, the most difficult option and the rare option - you choose to work on the relationship and return to your former passion. That's what role-playing games are for. And since the sexual education of the majority of Ukrainians is approaching zero, role-playing games are presented as sex, but costumed.
We'll just change into a nurse or a teacher, and then as usual. Such “dressing up” has nothing to do with the swarm game. Role-playing is an opportunity to be with other people, to do things unusual for you, or to show unusual emotions. Only in this case can you discover new facets in each other and fall in love with your partner again.
A modest woman can be a domineering Domina, a tough boss can become a timid page, and a self-confident beauty can turn into a submissive odalisque. You will learn to receive each other new and very vivid emotions, it would seem that there are two of you, but each game is sex with a new person. Role-playing games are the prevention of betrayal and divorce.
This is the basis for a harmonious sex life, energy fulfillment and self-confidence, and most importantly, it incredibly brings together and increases the level of trust in a couple.
Alas, couples often just don't know "how to start." How to admit your desires, fantasies, and generally start talking on intimate topics.
- If you absolutely know how to start a conversation, send your soul mate a link to a text or video story that turns you on and that you would like to bring to life.
- Are you ready to discuss your fantasies? Great, but you don't need to walk or run. Have a romantic evening outside and discuss all the juicy details over a glass of wine
- Scenario. The only way. If you are not professional actors, get ready. Come up with dialogues and mise-en-scenes, otherwise it will be just a banal dress-up. Remember that there are only two of you on this stage. Nobody removes you, does not judge or rate you. Enjoy the situation. If you switch to sex within 10 minutes after the start, you have lost. Have you chosen a nurse and a patient? Conduct an inspection. Tease and touch. Write out a prescription. Drop your stethoscope. Play for time and rekindle each other until it becomes impossible to hold back.
- No slippers or bathrobes. You don't have to buy costumes from a sex shop, but work the way you do.
- Ideally, change location. The walls of the marital bedroom are anchors that hold both positive and negative emotions.
- Do not be shy. Don't tingle each other or be afraid. When you were children, you were able to sincerely imagine your role in play. Try to remember how it is.
Our whole life is a game. And the game of sex is what makes our life truly bright.
Interpersonal relationships are directly determined by role relationships, on the one hand, and individual personal characteristics of subjects, on the other. Much of what we think and do has to do with our social roles. As our roles change, our views change.
Role relationship- This is a relationship due to the functional responsibilities of the subject. They are characterized, in particular, by the following features.
1) Impersonality... "Roles are attached to everyone who is in the corresponding status place.
2)Conditionality of behavior by role responsibilities... A social role is a set of expected behavioral stereotypes associated with the performance of a very specific, specific job.
The role behavior of a person has two plans. These are actions due to:
1) regulatory requirements - "I" in the proposed circumstance-
role properties; 2) personal claims - "I" as such.
The first plan of behavior is a social form of role-playing actions,
the second plan is a psychological way of role-based self-realization. This is where a significant problem arises - the difficult compatibility of social roles. The distinction between what the subject relates to his role, what others think about it and what is actually a "real" given role, as a rule, leads to intra-role and inter-role conflicts.
The quality of a person's performance of a particular role largely depends on how much he understands its specifics and to what extent this role is accepted and assimilated (internalized) by him.
About internalized social role can be said when the requirements from the outside, presented to the individual, occupying a particular position, become his own requirements for himself.
Next, we will consider the question of the mutual influence of personality and social role. In general, the behavior of each personality consists of individual actions within the framework of certain social roles, yet it can be said that any role, as such, exists separately from the person performing it. Sometimes the individual even seeks to emphasize his independence from the role, demonstrating the so-called role distance. For example, a waiter can show the restaurant visitors by his behavior that he is not only a waiter, but a person who is forced to do this job.
Not only the personality with its own characteristics affects the characteristics of her performance of a particular social role, there is also a reverse influence of the role on the personality as a whole and, in particular, on her self-concept (a person holding a large public office). Long-term performance by an individual of any role contributes to a more vivid manifestation of some personality traits and masking others (professional roles).
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Role in the organization is a set of expected behavioral stereotypes associated with the performance of a specific job. These expectations depend only on the position occupied by the individual, and not on his personal characteristics, and will be the same for all individuals occupying this position. Moreover, each person can play (and, as a rule, plays) several roles at the same time.
Roles at work, in the family, in the company of friends, they are all different from one another.
There are several characteristics that need to be distinguished for worker roles.
At first, working roles are impersonal. They are attached to everyone in a particular position.
Secondly, they have to do with job-related behavior.
Thirdly, work roles can be very difficult to fit together.
Roles are quickly learned and can have a significant impact on both attitudes and behavior. Much of what we think and do is determined by our roles. Our views change as our roles change.
The dynamics of the role and the course of development of the group. An important research object is how work roles are learned, changed, and influenced by group behavior and productivity.
These studies are represented by three main concepts: role-playing episode, role-playing set, and role differentiation.
Role-playing episode begins with the assumption that a group of individuals occupies a certain position. These assumptions somehow reach the performer of the role, who, in turn, shapes his perception of what is expected of him. This perception then guides his (her) behavior.
But this behavior is significantly different from what the group expected. Therefore, the group's behavior also changes. It should be borne in mind that the first two steps are expectations, while the second two are concrete actions.
Role-playing set- several social roles associated with one status. The status set belongs to the person, and the role set belongs to the status. There are only interactions between roles, and relationships between statuses.
Each status usually includes a number of roles. For example, university professor status implies roles such as teacher, researcher, youth mentor, consultant to industrial firms and government, administrator, author of scientific articles, specialist in their field of knowledge, etc.
Each role in a role-play set requires a different demeanor and communication with people. Even two similar roles of professor — teacher and mentor — suggest different attitudes towards students. The first is to comply with formal rules and regulations: lecturing, checking term papers, taking exams. The second involves informal communication with students as a wise counselor or senior friend. Accordingly, each role has its own type of implementation of social relations.
The role kit is useful in the sense that it can tell us about the behavioral patterns that exist in the organization. Role performers have a clearer understanding of their role when the set is small than when it is large.
Each role in a role-playing set appears, therefore, as a set of relationships that are unlike any other. With colleagues, the professor develops one relationship, with the university administration - others, with editors of magazines, students, industrialists - still others. As a result, the role-playing set forms a set of social relations. The term "relationship" is used here as a dynamic characteristic - in the meaning of "enter into a relationship." Simply "attitude", or a static characteristic, does not presuppose the interaction of two people, but only a readiness, a predisposition to it. This readiness is commonly referred to as an attitude.
Role differentiation defined as the degree to which different types of functions are performed by different (rather than the same) people. The higher this separation (and non-mixing) of roles, the higher the role differentiation.
Thus, understanding roles gives us the opportunity to learn about how people are aware of what they should do in a particular position. Roles help you understand the processes of relationships and interactions that take place in an organization.
Role problems... Roles also help us understand the challenges facing the organization. These include role conflict, role ambiguity, and role reloading.
Role conflict occurs when two or more expectations are inconsistent. Conflict- this is the relationship between the subjects of social interaction, which are characterized by confrontation in the presence of opposite motives (needs, interests, goals, ideals, beliefs) or judgments (thoughts, views, assessments, etc.).
Role conflict (RC) should be considered as a state of psychological conflict that develops in an individual in the course of performing a social role in conditions of conflicting or partially incompatible requirements and expectations for the role performer. In this case, the term "social expectations" refers to a system of expected patterns of behavior corresponding to each role performed, through which the group controls the activities of its members.
RC is a complex type of conflict. RC can be grouped into the following main types: inter-role, intra-role and personal-role conflicts.
WITH inter-role an individual encounters conflicts when he is at the same time a carrier of such roles that present incompatible or difficultly compatible expectations to him.
Intra-role conflict occurs over the fact that different people and different social (both formal and informal) groups have different ideas about the responsibilities associated with the same role.
There are two forms of intra-role conflict. One concerns the divergence of expectations between different groups in relation to the same performer. The other provides for possible discrepancies, lack of unity and within each of the groups.
Personality-role a conflict arises when the qualities, internal values, standards, perceptions and needs of the individual as a person do not correspond to a social role or established role behavior, i.e. the subjective "I" comes into conflict with the social role, the bearer of which is the individual.
Progress conflicts are divided into:
- short-term(the subject of the conflict is exhausted in the process of contact relationships);
- long(protracted processes in relation to the expectations of the participants are often destructive).
The dynamics of the conflict consists of three main stages:
Pre-conflict (growth), conflict (implementation) and post-conflict (fading).
The dynamics of the conflict.
First stage- the accumulation of exacerbation of contradictions due to a sharp divergence of interests, values, attitudes; frustration, dissatisfaction, threats.
Second stage- sharp disagreements, destruction of the previous structure, normal ties; an attack by one of the sides of your opponent through open confrontation.
Third stage- the tendency to normalize the conflict and eliminate it as such. However, the mood of the participants for some time is still warmed up by the memories of the troubles caused to each other.
Hence - the need for preventive measures to relieve stress.
Conflict considered complete if its cause is eliminated - a conflict situation; the elimination of the incident does not mean the elimination of the conflict.
The conflict can end either subjectively (at the initiative of one of the opponents), or objectively (as a result of a change in the conflict situation).
There are a lot of situations in life in which role conflicts occur. They can be classified depending on the parameters described, which form the basis for the classification according to the degree of problematicity, complexity, and the context in which they occur.
The main features of the role conflict are the absence of clear stages in the development of the conflict and the impact on interpersonal conflicts. Role conflict can develop into a crisis.
Role conflict functions are also divided into positive and negative.
TO positive functions include the ability of a role conflict to stimulate personality development, the ability, in the course of resolving a conflict, to eliminate at the enterprise those shortcomings that lead to the emergence of role difficulties.
Negative functions role conflicts relate to possible deviations in the behavior of the individual, the emergence of interpersonal conflicts.
Organizational methods for resolving role conflicts
To make sure that it is precisely the role conflict that takes place, one can observe the employees and highlight a number of signs: limitation of relations, an emphasized official form of communication, critical statements about the opponent, and others. The individual psychological characteristics of employees make it possible to analyze the early symptoms of a latent conflict at the stage of a conflict situation.
Under permission(overcoming) intrapersonal, including role conflict, is understood to mean the restoration of the coherence of the inner world of the individual, the establishment of the unity of consciousness, the reduction of the severity of contradictions in life relations, the achievement of a new quality of life.
Resolving role conflict can be constructive and destructive. At constructive overcoming the conflict, peace of mind is achieved, the understanding of life deepens, a new value consciousness arises. The resolution of the role conflict is realized through: the absence of painful conditions associated with the existing conflict; reducing the manifestation of negative psychological and socio-psychological factors of intrapersonal conflict; improving the quality and efficiency of professional activities.
There are different ways of getting out of conflicts for men and women. Men are more rational, they enrich their set of means of resolving the situation with each new intrapersonal experience. Every time women rejoice and suffer in a new way. They are more diverse in personal characteristics, and men - in role-playing.
An effective solution to the problem can be the work of a manager with an employee. It is necessary to thoroughly explain to him his role. Indeed, very often the cause of a role conflict can be precisely the employee's ignorance of his role and responsibilities.
It will not be superfluous to improve the qualifications and improve the technique of the employee, conduct psychological consultations, to strengthen psychological endurance.
Good ways to prevent role conflicts are conversation, clarification, and the formation of a culture of interpersonal relationships; administrative measures: changing working conditions; transfer of potential conflicts to different departments, shifts, etc.
Status - role relationships.
“Status and role are included in the set of personal characteristics of the individual and complement each other. The main criterion in determining the status of a communicant is his position in the social system, determined by a number of characteristics (economic, professional, ethnic, family-age and others). " [: 125] Status relationships are permanent, in contrast to role relationships, which are always related to the situation and vary with it. “Status parameters are realized through role relationships in a certain communication environment, which necessitates referring to the situational context.” [: 125] In the process of communication, communicants are guided not so much by the social role itself as by its social status, also defined as the social prestige of the role.
Determining the status of a role allows communicants to determine the hierarchy of their statuses and, depending on this hierarchy, make a choice of means of expression.
In many linguistic studies, the relations of communicants are considered on the axes of the opposition "equality - inequality", or as relations of coordination ("equal" - "equal") and subordination ("below" - "above" and "above" - "below"), and socio - psychological distance between the participants in communication - on the axes "friend" - "alien". Socio-psychological distance can be far and close.
The speaker, depending on the status and role parameters of the addressee, the psychological distance between them and the conditions of communication, can change the linguistic forms of the same message, choosing a certain communicative version of the statement. With the linguistic design of various linguistic actions of the speaker, there is a connection between the social status of the communicant and his speech behavior. The differences in the status-role relations of communicants are expressed in the content of behavioral tactics.
The concept of the tonality of communication.
When analyzing a behavioral situation, one cannot ignore such a parameter as the tone of communication, the choice of which is due to the statuses of the communicants, the socio-psychological distance between them. The choice of tonality has a direct impact on the grammatical design of the utterance of the participants in the communication.
There is a different understanding of the tone of communication. Most often, when describing a communication situation, tonality means a form of manifestation of ethical rules of behavior.
Tarasova E.F. represents the tonality of communication in the form of the following scale: sublime (solemn) tonality, neutral, neutral - everyday, familiar and vulgar tonality. [: 273]
The sublime tonality is the tonality of such exceptional, rare social situations as ceremonial ritual acts, mostly in official structures.
Neutral tonality - the tonality used by communicants mainly in normative, standard social situations.
Neutral - everyday - the most common tonality used in non-normative, standard / non-standard social situations with direct contact of communicants.
Familiar tonality is a tonality that is very often used in non-standard / standard social situations that do not fall within the formal structures of society.
Vulgar tonality - the tonality of abnormal social situations.
The tone of communication is determined by a number of signs: status - role relationships of communicants, normative rules of behavior established by society.
Conclusions to Chapter 1.
· The semantic field of accusation has a nuclear and non-peripheral zones;
· The nuclear zone is represented by the dominant features in the form of tactics that convey all shades of meaning that are most appropriate for a given microfield, which is one of the components of the accusation microfield;
· The peripheral zone is represented by tactics that convey the meaning of a given microfield less clearly and have ambiguity.
The semantics of the accusation category is formed by a set of semantic parts, thus, this category can be considered as a behavioral situation, which introduces certain pragmatic parameters into its characteristics - the status-role relations of the communicants, the communication environment, the set of the speaker's remarks and the recipient's response, which together form communicatively - the pragmatic context of the behavioral situation.
The semantic field of accusation is the composition of the functional - semantic field of Non-categoricality and at the junction of this field and the field of Categoricality. As a result, a part of the peripheral meanings (semantic shares) of the accusation microfield falls into the zone of its merging with the Threat and Warning microfields, which are outside the functional and semantic field of Noncategorical.
The pragmatic aspect of the study of the category of accusation is defined as a set of social situations that form the behavioral situation "Accusation" and have their main concepts of status-role relations of communicants, socio-psychological distance between them and the tone of communication.
Interpersonal relationships are directly determined by role relationships, on the one hand, and individual personal characteristics of subjects, on the other. Much of what we think and do has to do with our social roles. As our roles change, our views change. Role relationships are relationships conditioned by the functional responsibilities of the subject. They are characterized, in particular, by the following features:
- 1. Impersonality. Roles are attached to everyone who is in the corresponding status place.
- 2. Conditionality of behavior by role responsibilities. A social role is a set of expected behavioral stereotypes associated with the performance of a very specific, specific job.
- 3. Difficult compatibility of social roles. The problem lies in determining what is expected and from whom. The individual's opinion of his role does not always coincide with what others think about it and what actually is - everything can vary widely.
- 4. Getting used to the social role of the subject. Roles are quickly learned and can significantly influence the behavior of the subject.
Role relationships are usually represented by the following parameters. At first, role-playing episode, which is determined by the assumption that the group takes a fixed position on some issue. This assumption becomes known to the performer of the role, who, in turn, forms the perception of what is expected of him, and, as it were, sets later some behavior of a member of the organization. However, his behavior may differ significantly from the actual expectations of the group. Therefore, the behavior of the group can also change.
Secondly, role-playing set, representing a set of roles corresponding to this status. This is a group of individuals who form, store expectations about how the performer should behave, exchange these expectations and let the performer know about them. The role-playing set testifies to the behavioral stereotypes that exist in the social group. The performer of the role has a clearer idea of it in cases when the role-playing set is small than when it is large. Small role sets are associated with the formation of cliques, or isolated small groups within a social group.
Thirdly, an important parameter of the role is role differentiation, which can be defined as the degree of difference in types of functions between people. The higher the division of roles, the higher the role differentiation. It gives an idea of how social roles are distributed in specific production circumstances.
A social role is a specific mechanism through which public interests determine the behavior of an individual in a variety of communication situations. The social roles necessary in specific situations of communication are developed by society during long periods of its development as socially approved types of people's behavior.
The style of role behavior of a person is a personal coloring of the performance of a role, depending on temperament, character, motivation and other personality traits, on her knowledge and skills.
The role behavior of a person has two plans. These are actions due to:
- 1) regulatory requirements - "I" in the proposed circumstances of the role;
- 2) personal claims - "I" as such.
The first plan of behavior is a social form of role-playing actions, the second is a psychological way of role-based self-realization. This is where that essential problem arises - the difficult compatibility of social roles. The distinction between what the subject relates to his role, what others think about it and what is actually a "real" given role, as a rule, lead to intra-role and inter-role conflicts.
