When it comes to the art of lying, everyone immediately thinks of women. But if you think about those who lie the most, men come to mind.

What kind of stereotype is this and is there more to it than prejudice?

Why do men lie?

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Each of us has our own reasons for lying. It all depends on the situation, the circumstances, and even the worldview of the liar.

The guy lies to make himself seem better than he really is. He can embellish his financial position or position held.

By inventing a story about his cool car, a man will quickly arouse the interest of the opposite sex.

But such tales are told not only to impress the girl, but also for a completely acceptable purpose. After lying, the guy becomes more confident in own strength, and therefore stops stuttering and being nervous during a conversation.

There are liars among both sexes, but it is much more important for men to feel confident in themselves, which is why they have gained fame as liars.

There are many reasons why guys lie. Most often they want to improve the situation and achieve specific purpose using dishonest methods...

A guy will lie about a meeting at work without telling his girlfriend that he actually spent the evening with friends, watching football and drinking beer.

The reason for lying is simple - not wanting to quarrel or feel guilty, because he is well aware that he did something wrong. Men often think that lying is the lesser of two evils. They don't understand that a lie is always worse than the truth.

How can you tell if a man is lying?

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How can you tell if a man is lying? Take advantage of what psychology and psychophysiology have given us. These sciences study the physical reactions of the human body.

Lying requires mental and emotional effort from us, which is why it becomes much easier to understand that he is lying thanks to the following reactions of the body:

• The guy doesn't make eye contact. His gaze runs around the surrounding space, but does not stop at his interlocutor.
• The liar is sweating. During a conversation, a man sweats on his forehead, temples and upper lip, even if he is in a cool room or outdoors.
• His breathing quickens. The interlocutor breathes as if he ran a marathon before the conversation.
• There are pauses in the conversation. Lies need to be thought out in advance, but when improvising, hitches arise.
• The timbre, tone of voice, and speed of speech change slightly.

In the question of how to identify a lie, attentiveness and the degree of closeness with the person are important. If a woman knows her interlocutor well, it will not be difficult for her to guess when he starts to lie.

Moreover, the female eye distinguishes lies more keenly: perhaps also because the fair sex has better developed intuition.

Each person has their own symptoms that indicate lying. Some rub their earlobe, others scratch their eyebrows, and others sniffle all the time.

The question of how to know that a man is lying is actually not that important. It is much more important to understand the reason similar behavior and do everything to hear only the truth in the future.

What to do if a man is lying

When a person confidently wants to defend his lie and lies deliberately, he tries to maintain eye contact. He looks soulfully into your eyes. This is to know if you believe his lies. And when a person is taken by surprise and wants to lie so that everyone will forget about it, he immediately switches your attention: he goes into another room, supposedly on business, or starts tying his shoes, sorting out papers and muttering something under his breath. However, sometimes a person looks into the eyes in the hope of seeing support. He may not lie, but he can be very unsure of his rightness.

When asking a question, watch your eyes when the person answers. As a rule, if he looks away, it means he remembers to tell the truth. It matters which way.

Up-right - remembers the picture from real events, or images that I saw personally.
Up-to-left-fantasizes, comes up with a picture, possibly false.
Straight to the right - a memory, something I heard before.
Straight to the left - he comes up with words, looks for how it could sound better. I haven’t heard it myself.
Down-right - says what he is sure of.
Down to the left - remembers real, tactile sensations, smell and taste.

The sides of the gaze are indicated when a person looks at you!

Watch for blinking. When they lie, they often blink involuntarily because it is stressful. But, in addition, increased blinking may mean that the subject of conversation is unpleasant to him and causes pain. And the less often a person blinks, the happier he is at that moment.

Unilateral movements - when only one side of the body is very active (shoulder, arm, leg) - indicate that a person is saying the opposite of what he thinks. In general, if he twitches one shoulder, it reveals a lie.

While speaking, he takes a step back - he does not believe what he is saying, he retreats.

If a liar suddenly feels that he has unexpectedly given himself away in some way, he immediately begins to closely monitor his face, speak more slowly than usual, weigh his words... And it is precisely this type of body plasticity that can give him away. Even if he looks relaxed and joking, the body is still tense and in an unnatural or uncomfortable position. For example, his legs are folded in an X, his hands are trying to intertwine or hide - he is hiding something from you.

FACE AND LIPS

The person expresses sympathy, and the corners of his lips tremble, as if striving upward. In fact, for some reason he is happy about this event. But he wants to hide his joy. The corners of the lips also tremble or are tense when a person is happy that he managed to fool another.

He purses his lower lip - he is not sure of his words, there is an internal disagreement between word and deed. For example, he says: “Yes, I’ll call you back tomorrow.” And he himself is not going to call.

An asymmetrical facial expression, a smile distorted in one direction - a person is feigning emotion. Some psychologists consider facial asymmetry in a conversation to be one hundred percent confirmation that a person is lying.

Lifts his chin - he feels inner anger and annoyance towards you, no matter how smiling he acts outwardly.

Know that surprise lasting longer than 5 seconds is false. When a person is too eager to show that he is surprised, it means that he knew everything in advance.

People touch their necks when they are lying or when they are very excited. It’s not for nothing that men are in films, if it’s somehow creepy important news, want to loosen their tie. And when a person seems to be holding himself by the throat, he is literally afraid to spill the beans. For example, to confess your love or not to say insolence to your superiors. The words seem to stand in his throat, and he seems to be holding them back.

He puts his hands in a lock - he hides something and controls himself so as not to spill the beans and give away the secret. If a person tries to hide his hands, put them in his pocket, or fold them on his chest, he is most likely lying.

In general, watch your fingers. For example, the well-known “index finger up” gesture, which seems to say “Now I’ll show you how to do it right!” actually means: “Now I will scare you and make you believe me.” The film claims that this is a signal of making up lies. But psychologists interpret this gesture not so clearly. A person can simply threaten, knowing that he will not actually carry out the threat. It's like threatening your son with a belt, knowing that you won't hit him.

Stroking himself with his fingers is a gesture of self-soothing for the deceiver. He wants to cheer himself up, fearing that they won’t believe him.

It is not for nothing that there is a tradition of shaking hands at the end of negotiations. If your interlocutor has cold hands, perhaps he is afraid of exposure. True, for some this is due to lack of blood circulation.

Speech signs of lying

If a person speaks about someone deliberately: “that man”, “that woman”, know that this is the so-called distanced language. It seems to create an artificial distance. Decreases the value of an object. For what? Well, for example, to hide the fact of acquaintance or the fact of intimacy.

If you doubt that they are telling you the truth, ask them to retell the same events in reverse order. When everything is true, it won't be difficult. And when you lie, it’s difficult to remember why you lied and reverse the sequence.

If there are too many details and unnecessary little things in the story, perhaps the person wants to demonstrate that he is supposedly completely pure, so, they say, look, I’m revealing all my cards. This is a clear symptom of lying.

Please note the disclaimers. Grandfather Freud made a name for himself with this. Because he was right: slips of the tongue reveal liars. (Remember the operetta " Bat", where the husband tells his wife about hunting and the dog Emma.) Slurred speech is a sign of a desire to lie and not be noticed.

A person who lies like he breathes is betrayed by increased distrust. We all judge people by ourselves. And if a person easily believes everything, it means that he himself usually does not lie. It is based on a mechanism of the psyche that psychologists call projection. We always project our characteristics onto other people in one way or another.

If the word “simply” is often heard in speech, it means that the person feels guilty for something and makes excuses.

A lie leads to another lie. Start clarifying the details, asking questions around the bush, and if the person is lying, he will soon reveal himself with increased nervousness. But first ask yourself a question: do you want to know this truth? As one said famous writer: “Don’t ask a question unless you know what you’ll do with the answer.” And in any case, none of these signs is a final verdict. These are only signals that give reason to be wary, but not to stigmatize.

FUN FACT

If a person really likes you or likes the question, his pupils noticeably dilate. Scientists have calculated that if you look at something pleasant to you, your pupil enlarges by 45%.

How to avoid becoming a victim of lies

Sit down for more high chair or simply stand above the interlocutor. A higher position subconsciously acts as an intimidation signal.
- Take an open position - do not cross your arms and legs.
- Invade personal space - get as close to the speaker as possible.
- Copy his posture and gestures. This builds trust and makes it harder for a liar to lie.
- Be calm, restrain your emotions. People often lie to prevent negative emotions.
- Don't denounce or blame. It’s better to pretend that you didn’t hear and ask again. This will give the liar a chance to correct himself and tell the truth.

SIGNALS OF SINCERENESS

Wrinkles when smiling around the eyes are a sincere smile. With a fake smile, only the lips work.

If the story contains gaps, inaccurate details, spontaneous corrections, returns “ah, no, I remembered, the car was white!” - these are signs of a true story.

It is easier to understand a lie from a man than from a woman. They have this Pinocchio symptom. When they lie, they scratch their nose. And all because there is an excitable zone, receptors. They begin to itch from the stress of hiding the truth.

A man rubs his face with his middle finger - as if silently sending his interlocutor to hell, a gesture of hostility.

Where does a person look when he lies? How can the direction of gaze indicate that a person is lying? These two questions were previously asked by our readers in the comments on the site.

The short answer to these questions is, "to a certain extent." It's not as easy as recent TV shows or movies make it out to be. There, a detective is able to determine whether a person is lying simply based on whether he is looking to the right or to the left when he speaks. In fact, it would be foolish to jump to such quick conclusions without further investigation... but a certain technique can achieve something.

So... read, think about it, and test it on your friends and acquaintances to understand for yourself how reliable it is.

The look shows the strength of the soul.
Paulo Coelho. Alchemist.

Visual Assessment Keys - "Lying Eyes"

As far as is known, the first use of the term "Visual Appraisal Keys" was by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in their book Frogs into Princes: Neuro Linguistic Programming. Based on their own experience, they found the following:

When a "normally organized" person (who is not left-handed) is asked a question, he directs his gaze in one of six directions, as seen from the side of the questioner, looking at him:

1. Up and left

Indicates visually created images (VS)

If one is asked to imagine a "purple buffalo", then while the person is thinking about the question, imagining a "visually created" purple buffalo in his mind, his eyes will turn in that direction.

2. Up and right

Indicates visually recalled images (VR)

If you ask a person, "What color was the first house you lived in?" their eyes will turn in that direction as they think about the question, "visually remembering" the color of their childhood home.

3. Left

Indicates auditory created images (SS)

If someone is asked to imagine the highest possible sound, then when he thinks about the question, "creating an auditory image" of a sound that he has never heard, his gases will turn in that direction.

4. Right

Indicates auditory recalled images (ER)

If you ask a person to remember what his mother's voice sounds like, then when he thinks about the question, trying to remember the sound, his eyes will turn in that direction.

5. Down and left

If you ask someone the question “Can you remember the smell of a fire?”, this is the direction in which their eyes will turn when they think about the question, remembering the smell, sensation or taste.

6. Down and right

Indicates own dialogue (D)

A person's eyes turn in this direction when he "talks to himself."

How can gaze information be used to detect lies?

Example: Let's say your child asks for cookies, and you ask him: “Did mommy allow it?” The child answers: “Mom said... it’s possible,” but at the same time looks to the left. This may indicate that he is coming up with a response, as his eyes show "creating an image or sound."
Looking to the right will indicate "remembering" a voice or image, in which case he is probably telling the truth.

Concluding remarks

• A forward gaze or unfocused and non-moving eyes are also considered a sign of visual evaluation.
• Typically, a left-handed person will exhibit the opposite sense of eye direction.
• As with other signs of lying, it is necessary to first find out and understand the basis of a person's behavior before concluding that he is lying based on the direction of his gaze.

Many critics believe that all of the above is just nonsense. However, practice shows that there is something in this. But who's stopping you from finding out for yourself?
It is enough to make a list of questions like the ones above and offer them to friends and relatives who will play the role of test subjects. And then watch their eye movements and record the results.

How often do women complain that men deceive them! They are trying in every possible way to fight this, looking for the reasons why representatives of the stronger half of humanity lie... We will try to find out in what cases men lie and why they need it.

Lies come in different forms. Sometimes it is practically “vital” and is called a “white lie”; sometimes it is unjustified. But whatever the reason for the deception, the deception itself extremely offends the woman.

“Why is he lying?”, “Does he not trust me?”, “Does he think I’m a complete fool?” - such phrases in women's conversation are by no means uncommon.

Men prefer not to answer such questions, avoid the conversation in every possible way or negate it in a joking tone. But I really want to hear the truth about men’s lies!

Reason No. 1. White lie

Imagine the following situation. Late in the evening or early in the morning, the guy returns home, where a not entirely pleasant conversation with his wife awaits him on the topic “Where have you been?”

What the heck! I'm carrying everything everyday problems, and this guy, whom I once had the misfortune of marrying, is hanging around in an unknown place, with an unknown person.

The crime will most likely be followed by punishment. Unpleasant conversation in a raised voice, periodically turning into swearing, excommunication from bed, threat to take the children and go to mom, and so on.

Therefore, before the young man loses his ability to think, it makes sense to come up with a plausible explanation that would satisfy both her and him.

For example, at the end of the working day, the boss loaded me with urgent work. Or - yes, I drank, but because we were celebrating my boss’s birthday; resolved issues with the customer; The Premier visited our company; and not at all because Vasya’s friend called closer to lunch and, citing a hard life, suggested getting drunk.

And certainly not because I met beautiful girl and took her to the bar to meet her.

Then, perhaps, the wife will understand that she was told a lie, or rather, not the whole truth, but by then she will have time to “cool down.”

Do you remember how Bill Clinton denied his relationship with Monica Lewinsky?
— Was there sex?
- No.
- Yes? What is this if not sex?
- Don't know…

It’s not for nothing that people say, if you’re not caught, you’re not a thief. Sometimes, even if the evidence points against it, it makes sense to deny everything. For the sake of everyone's peace.

Reason No. 2. Lying in the name of maintaining good relationships

Happens all the time. Only, if in the first case the man resorted to deception solely in the interests of self-preservation, now he knows in advance that he will sin, knows in advance what awaits him and therefore prepares in advance to “play ahead.”

Almost like in that joke: I tell my wife that I’m going to my mistress, my mistress that I’m going to my wife, and I go to the attic and work, work, work...

For example, one of my acquaintances, every time before going to the sea with his next mistress, tells his wife that he is going on a business trip.

Reason #3: Lying in the name of love or to gain access to the body

The plot has been described many times in classical literature and sung in folk songs.

About things like this early years say caring mothers and grandmothers. And how many TV series have been filmed on this topic! He promised to marry. She allowed him a lot. He sailed and quit. So trust men after this. How do you like this plot: he got tired of it and abandoned it. After which, having safely completed his vacation, he returned to his native military unit. A telegram followed him.

The girl and her loving parents strongly suggested that the young womanizer marry, promising otherwise to write a statement of rape.

Faced with the difficult choice of “To the zone or to the registry office” and not wanting to tempt fate, the guy chose the second option. So it’s not in vain that they say that every action gives rise to a reaction.

Reason No. 4. So that the wife (girlfriend, mother, aunt) does not get nervous Everyone knows the ability of women to dramatize a situation. And if something really goes wrong...

Do you know what caused the most people to die in all kinds of disasters? That's right, out of panic.

So sometimes it really makes sense to hide the truth and look for a way out of a difficult situation on your own.

I remember when in the third grade I managed to get a “bad” grade for my behavior, I didn’t tell my grandmother anything, I even hid the certificate safely.

No, women cannot be told the whole truth. How to burden yourself with your problems.

Reason No. 5. Lying to improve your status

Probably the most pleasant kind of deception. The man, like a peacock, spreads his tail, and at the same time “rubs” into the lady how cool he is.

Of course, it is better to be healthy and rich than to be poor and sick. Who do our women most readily fall for? For generous men, in the hope that they will be supported or, at worst, given expensive gifts.

To “tough guys”, “real machos”. At worst, unrecognized geniuses with unusual abilities. However, if you don’t have any of this, it doesn’t matter, you can come up with something if you have the desire.

Of course, a girl who lives with a guy in the same yard and has known him since childhood is unlikely to be tricked in such a primitive way, but everyone else...

An anecdote involuntarily comes to mind.

NY. A couple walks into the coolest store selling fur products - a luxurious blonde and a shabby, plainly dressed little man.

“Give me the most luxurious, most expensive fur coat,” he declares, and when the goods are delivered, he asks to write out a check.
“You see,” says the seller, “it’s Friday and it’s already evening, the bank won’t have time to check the availability of money in your account.” Therefore, leave us your account number and address, our courier will deliver the goods on Monday.
“Okay,” the “buyer” agrees.

On Monday the man comes to the same store again.
- Shame on you! - the seller attacks him. — There is not a penny in your bank account.
“You see, I came to thank you for the most enjoyable weekend of my life.”

To be honest, many guys have the habit of exaggerating a little. Salary size, social position, sports and other achievements... But some people go very, very far in their lies.

Sometimes a person comes up with a different family, a different biography, in a word, a different life, and gets used to the image so much that he begins to believe in it all.

Therefore, one should not be surprised that so many illegitimate children of oligarchs, special forces officers, combatants, talented athletes whose brilliant careers were crossed out by an absurd injury, brothers who miraculously survived gang warfare and other extraordinary personalities who evoke beauty in the representatives of gender genuine interest.

As I already said, this type of deception is the most pleasant. It’s good for him and for her. Sometimes a girl realizes that she is being led by the nose, but pretends that everything is fine, so as not to spoil the relationship.

Reason #6: Lying to gain access to your wallet

This type of deception is the most dangerous, for both sides.

For a woman - because it poses an immediate danger to her wallet, and sometimes to her property. For a man - because it formally falls under the criminal code. However, proving fraud is sometimes very difficult.

As in the previous case, the man skillfully plays the role of another person. Generous, decent and wealthy. People's Deputy, businessman, director of a large company, retired intelligence general, thief in law, who retired from business and decided to do charity work. Who likes it more?

Sometimes these guys cheat a lady out of money and quickly get away with it, sometimes they take the matter not only to bed, but also to the registry office, and leave only after making sure that there is nothing more to take. However, for them sex is not the main thing, it is a means, but certainly not a goal.

As Ostap Bender said, “I’ll marry her so I can calmly dig around in the chair.” Being excellent psychologists, such guys easily come into contact with future victims and easily gain their trust. But, as a rule, then a small problem arises. For example, a man “lost his credit card” or “the tax office closed his current account.”

Now tell me, dear ladies, only honestly and frankly, to whom would you be more willing to lend money: to an adventurer who does not work anywhere or to a “new Russian” who “has encountered temporary difficulties”?

Of course, he will give the money back later, no question, and he will also thank him - he will help him get a job. high paying job, buy a luxury foreign car at a ridiculous price, take you to an expensive resort, and maybe even get legally married.

But that’s later, in a bright future. As for money, it is urgently needed now..... How to protect yourself? Watch who you contact and periodically use your brain.

Moreover, very often scammers are specifically “involved” (remember Khlestakov). At first he is just a businessman, then it turns out that he is on friendly terms with Chubais himself (Abramovich, Berezovsky), and opens the door to the State Duma solely with his foot.

Periodically the guy calls someone. He scolds, asks to resolve issues, and most importantly, mentions the names of high-ranking people whose names are well known.

Then it turns out that he doesn’t even have the money to pay the waiter (he forgot his wallet in the room), but don’t think so, he’s really cool and in two weeks he’ll take you to Hawaii.

Just in case you are in doubt whether this person is a crook or a decent person, I can recommend the following. Calmly listen to everything he says, but only until you are required to pay money. Then just get up and leave without going into lengthy explanations.

In the end, what difference does it make what the person you see for the first and last time thinks about you? Regardless of age, external data, marital status and annual income, you owe nothing to anyone.

There are probably men who tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but I just don’t know whether to envy them or sympathize with them.

It should be noted that women also resort to deception. Perhaps even, due to their natural artistry, they do it at least as well. As for deceived women, as world experience shows, it is easiest for a woman to be deceived when she herself wants it.

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Natalya Kaptsova

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Lying is never pleasant. But it’s one thing if a stranger lies to you, whom you will never see again, and quite another if the liar is your beloved man.

How to understand the situation and stop your spouse from lying? And is the “game worth the candle”?

• First of all, you need to understand why your spouse is lying. Possible reasons are “wagons and trolleys,” but once you find out the main one, you will understand how to deal with this scourge. Lying may turn out to be part of a man (there are such dreamers for whom lying is an integral part of life), or he is simply afraid to be frank with you, or he answers you in the same coin.
• Is he lying only to you or to everyone? If only for you, then the reason should be sought in your relationship. Think about whether your family has enough mutual trust - and? Maybe you are not too honest with your spouse?
• Does he lie to everyone? And doesn't blush? It is almost impossible to rehabilitate a pathological liar. The only option is to find the true cause of his problem and, after talking seriously with his husband, make joint efforts to combat this addiction. Most likely, it will be impossible to do without the help of a specialist.
• Are you putting too much pressure on your spouse? Excessive control over a man has never benefited the family boat - often wives themselves push their halves to lies. If a tired man, on the way home, went to a cafe with a friend and diluted the dinner a little with alcohol, and his wife is already waiting for him at front door with the traditional “Oh, you…”, then the spouse will automatically lie that he didn’t drink anything, that he was late at the meeting, or was forced to “sip a little” because “ corporate ethics requires it." This also happens when the wife is too jealous. “A step to the left means execution” will make every man howl. And it’s good if he just lies so that you don’t get yourself worked up over trifles again. It's worse if he actually takes a step to the left, tired of being accused of something he never did. Remember: a man also needs rest and at least a little free space.
• He is afraid of offending you. For example, he says that this dress suits you very well, although he thinks otherwise. He theatrically admires a new batch of knitted bunnies or smacks his lips over a plate of soup with excessive enthusiasm. If this is your case, then it makes sense to be happy - your man loves you too much to say that there is nowhere to put rabbits, you still haven’t learned how to cook, and it’s time to buy a dress a couple sizes larger. Are you annoyed by such “sweet” lies? Just talk to your spouse. Make it clear that you are quite an adequate person to calmly accept constructive criticism.
• You are too critical of your spouse. Perhaps in this way he is trying to be more successful in your eyes (he slightly overestimates his own achievements). Let go of the reins. Be supportive of your loved one. Learn to accept it as fate gave it to you. Be objective and constructive in your criticism - do not overuse it. And even more so, you shouldn’t compare your significant other with more successful men.
• Lying about little things? Starting from the weight of the caught pike and ending with grandiose army tales? Never mind. Men tend to slightly exaggerate their achievements or even invent them out of the blue. Your “weapon” in this case is humor. Treat your spouse's quirks with irony. It is unlikely that these fables will interfere with your family life. Better yet, support your husband in this game of his - maybe he lacks your faith in him or the feeling of his worth.
• The spouse lies constantly, and the lies affect the relationship. If your other half comes home after midnight with lipstick on his collar, and convinces you that “the fly-in has gone on for too long” (and with other serious symptoms), it’s time to have a serious conversation. Most likely, your relationship has suffered a deep crack, and it’s no longer about how to stop him from lying, but about why the family boat is sinking. By the way, .
• Cards on the table? If lies become a wedge in your relationship, then yes - you cannot pretend that you do not notice his lies. Dialogue is mandatory, and without it the situation will only get worse. If the lie is harmless and limited to the size of the pike, then conducting an interrogation with bias and demanding sincerity “otherwise it’s a scam” is unproductive and pointless.
• Want to teach a lesson? Conduct a “mirror” experiment. Show your spouse how he looks in your eyes by responding in the same way. Lie brazenly and without a twinge of conscience - demonstratively, openly and on every occasion. Let him change places with you at least for a little while. As a rule, such a demonstrative “démarche” works better than requests and exhortations.

What to do in the end?

It all depends on the scale and reasons for the lie. Exaggeration and fantasy are not a reason even for frowning brows (it’s unlikely that this bothered you when you went to wedding dress to Mendelssohn's march).

But a serious lie is a reason to reconsider your relationship. Dialogue is extremely important and recommended - after all, it is quite possible that the issue of mistrust, which is hidden under daily lies, can be easily resolved.