Valeria Protasova

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Almost all songs, films, poems and books are based on true love. This feeling is glorified by poets and depicted by artists at all times. True, true love is often confused with another feeling - falling in love.

How to figure out whether your feeling is real, and how to distinguish it from passions, love or affection?

What attracts and excites you most about a person?

• Love. As a rule, in this case, you are most concerned about the physical characteristics of your partner - the relief of the figure, eyes, stature, slanting fathoms in the shoulders, courageous face, etc.

• Love. You are concerned about your partner's personality as a whole. Physical attraction and craving for a person is present, but only in conjunction with personal characteristics and qualities of a partner. True love is the perception at all levels of all human qualities. You are concerned about his slight stubble, his strong back, his manner of drinking coffee in the morning and communicating with colleagues, paying in the store and whittling wooden figures on the balcony - everything, without exception.

What qualities attract you in a partner?

• Love. In this state, the number of qualities in your partner that you admire is very limited. Perhaps they have such an effect on you that the ground disappears from under your feet, but these “dizzying factors” are limited to a charming smile, gait or, for example, the aroma of perfume.

• Love. True love is when you love not only “every crack” in a person , mole and bulge, but also all his qualities, sides and actions (admiring the good ones, and condescendingly making fun of the not so positive ones). Any minus of a loved one immediately turns into a plus or is simply perceived as a fact and accepted as is.

The beginning of your romance

• Love. The feeling flares up instantly - from a casual glance, a touch of the hand, a short dialogue, and even a chance meeting, for example, in the company of friends. Similar to obsession. Once lit with a match from one smile of a partner, the feeling can also quickly go out from the wind of change, as soon as the person’s character is revealed.

• Real love. It always comes gradually. It takes time to understand, realize and fully accept a person. It is impossible to love with all your heart a person you know nothing about. You can, of course, deceive yourself - “I love him, and that’s all, no matter what he is,” but true love always requires the test of time.

Consistent interest in a partner

• Love. With this feeling, interest in your partner either burns with a hot flame, or subsides for days, or even weeks. There is only one reason - falling in love does not have deep roots of feeling, it is superficial, and there is nothing underneath that would fuel permanent interest in a person.

• Real love. It never stops. Not a day (or sometimes even an hour) goes by that you don't think about your partner. You constantly want to see him, be near him, hear his voice. And if, when you are in love, separation is easily tolerated, then for a truly loving person, even separation for a day is unbearable.

The influence of feelings on your personality

• Love. Primitive infatuation with a partner (a proven fact) is disorganizing. It relaxes, reduces concentration, and crowds out rational thinking. Falling in love is known for its spontaneity of actions and romantic flair, behind which, in most cases, only illusions are hidden.

• Real love. Genuine deep feeling is a creative phenomenon. loving person strives for self-improvement, succeeds in everything, “moves mountains” and “wades” the sea, showing his most positive sides and fiercely fighting the negative ones.

Attitude towards other people

• Love. "To hell with all of it! There is only him” - in short. Everything fades into the background, friends and parents “understand nothing in this life,” strangers interfere, things don’t matter. You do not control the feeling, but the feeling controls you. All the values ​​by which you lived have lost their meaning, you firmly believe that you can do anything, because you have a good reason, and apart from this feeling, nothing else matters. Result: friends “break away” and disappear, relationships with parents deteriorate, problems begin at work. But that’s later, but for now love rules the roost.

• Real love. Of course, he, beloved and dear, is the most important in this world. But you will not put him above your parents. You will not leave friends on the margins of your life. You will find time for everyone, because true love has settled in your big heart, which will be abundantly enough for the whole world. Your love gives you wings to develop relationships with the outside world, and illuminates the path to prospects.

What others think about your relationship

• Love. Most friends and acquaintances, as well as relatives (and especially parents) do not approve of your relationship. Blinded by feeling, a woman does not want to see shortcomings and even obvious vices, idealizing the object of her passion. From the outside, however, you always know better. And if every second person asks you to change your mind or at least take your time, it makes sense to stop for a minute and cool your head - perhaps insight will come to you before disappointment.

• Real love. If the feeling is really deep, and decisions are made seriously, carefully and from a sober position, people around you do not resist or try to impose their opinion. Either they simply approve of your choice, or they are clearly aware that your love will only grow stronger, despite everything. Read also:

Breakups and feelings

• Love. For an infatuated woman, 1-3 months are enough to completely “cure” from being in love. Physiological longing for a partner lasts a maximum of 3 months, after which thoughts come about separation, the meaninglessness of relationships and the fact that that blue-eyed handsome guy in the next office is really nothing.

• Real love. This feeling is not hindered by either distance or time. Y true loving friend friend, the connecting threads do not break even after thousands of kilometers and years later. They will text each other, communicate via Skype, write long letters the old fashioned way and get bored, bored, bored... Waiting for the doorbell to ring. Because true love is when your partner becomes a part of you, and two souls are intertwined so tightly that they can no longer exist separately.

Feelings and quarrels

• Love. The more time passes from the day they met, the stronger and more serious the quarrels become. Why? But because under love there is only emptiness. There is no spiritual connection, no common themes, no basis on which strong alliances are created. As a result, after a while it turns out that you don’t even have anything to talk about, and scandals somehow “diversify” the relationship. Read also:

• Real love. A deep sense of disagreement is not a hindrance. On the contrary, they strengthen relationships that are initially built on mutual understanding and the search for compromise. Love means giving in to each other. And a disagreement in a strong union will never affect the relationship itself. So, for example, a husband and wife, who have lived side by side for many years, can quarrel to smithereens while wallpapering and immediately sit down to drink tea, laughing and making fun of each other. Whereas a girl “in love” can “send to hell” her partner just because he bought a bed of the wrong system.

Your view of your relationship

• Love. You two are separate individuals. “I-he”, “mine-his”, etc. In your relationship, other than passion, there is practically nothing in common. The words “we” are not about you; it is not even in the lexicon of your relationship. You can easily go on vacation without him, have dinner without waiting for him to get home from work, or fly to your girlfriend in Italy when he needs your moral support.

• True love begins with the word "we". Because you are two halves of one whole, and even each individually you perceive each other only as “we”, “us”, “us”. You are not burdened by the vacation spent together and even collaboration, you have dinner, curled up under one blanket in front of the TV, and stir sugar in a cup for him while he cuts sausage for your sandwich.

What is their difference? Scientists have recently discovered that falling in love is a physiological reaction of the body. The brain is saturated with dopamine when a person in love thinks or looks at a photograph of his beloved or loved one.

The person's state is close to intoxication. And he does not see any shortcomings in his partner. Nature came up with and laid down a mechanism for procreation in us. On average, falling in love lasts from 1.5 to 2 years. Those who do not have a relationship or whose relationship is already a formality fall in love.

Physiological reaction

We are very physically conditioned creatures (subject to hormonal surges). Falling in love is filling the inner emptiness with vivid feelings; we live it in order to understand what we are like (this is on an unconscious level).

In love, there is no room for another person except Yourself (for example, “Oh, how I love you so much”). And the emptiness is filled with Himself.

Falling in love is a hormonal explosion, when “your head blows away”, it happens in adolescence and during periods of age-related crises. It happens individually for everyone, as it depends at the genetic level on hormonal potential. And systemic family connections can influence the course of the period.

2 self-sufficient individuals

Love is what is born in the heart and remains there forever. No matter how the relationship develops, feelings can only intensify.No matter how the relationship ends, love for a person always takes important place in everyone's heart, even after the end of the relationship.

It may be overshadowed by some other feelings, but once it comes into the heart, it remains there forever. Only love, brightness and euphoria can go away - something that does not depend on a person and that appeared in your life by itself and is not your conscious choice.

A person does not decide to fall in love, he simply falls in love. With love it’s a little different: it requires mental effort and investment in the relationship. Requires you to develop, learn, be sincere and open.

What are the differences?

Falling in love is an easy and pleasant state. It doesn't require anything. It's just hormones. She just came and went - there is no responsibility or adulthood in that.

Love is a deep process. You are constantly creating relationships, investing and growing in them. This depth fascinates you, it is incredibly attractive to you. This coincides with your most important purpose in life, touches the depths of your being!

Even after the end of a relationship, love remains in the heart and takes its place in it. No matter how many years pass, part of you remembers your loved one and is grateful to him.

Where have the feelings gone?

If you want to say that love has passed, then perhaps it was not love at all. That is why the questions arise: “What happened? Where have the feelings gone? Maybe it was falling in love or something else that is characterized by a not very responsible attitude towards life.

She didn’t disappear anywhere, she simply didn’t exist! If you want love in your life, just apply one of simple recommendations to cleanse your life of the dust that blinds your eyes and heart.

Express your love and gratitude to those people who hold an important place in your heart. Whatever the relationship is between you now. Be grateful to those experiences of falling in love that you have had, they taught you a lot and were useful for you.

Vivid feelings

“The moment you meet your love, you will immediately understand with all your heart that this is your soulmate!” - such misconceptions are found even in the books of gurus.

Many people, not experiencing the same intense feelings, instead of developing relationships, destroy them in search of confirmation of this myth. In fact, vivid feelings are just falling in love.

With a new partner, in a new relationship, the same thing is repeated - the period of falling in love, the disappearance of romantic emotions, conflicts and divorce.

Love is a choice to be with this person. What about feelings? Read on, we'll talk more about how to bring love into your life.

Everyone perceives love according to their conclusions from past experiences

The problem is that each person's experience of love is individual. Everyone sees feelings in their own way, according to conclusions from past experience. Experience is individual, so it is important to know that people’s definitions of love are subjective.

A beautiful woman who has had several failed relationships in a row will believe that true love does not exist. All men want only sex from her. Or another conclusion - relationships with men are not for her.

Love cannot be sacrifice, pain, struggle, loneliness, etc. This false beliefs. Just like “you can only love,” “hitting means loving,” etc. If there is something similar in your life now, then it’s worth dealing with it.

Do you know when words and actions are at odds?

Along with conscious conclusions (which we hear), there are also subconscious conclusions that people themselves are not aware of. Consciously we say one thing, but because of subconscious conclusions we do something else. Such conclusions are formed in our childhood.

For example, if a woman as a child saw how her mother constantly quarreled with her father and fought with him for dominance in the house, then she could conclude that “love is a struggle and defending personal boundaries.” And, most likely, a woman unconsciously attracts men into her life who will fight with her for power.

Conclusions from childhood can be different, it all depends on the context and feelings. If you see yourself repeating some scenarios from your family, then it’s worth spending time on.

What language does your partner speak?

Love is action. Each of us has our own ways of receiving love - there are only 5 languages ​​(touch, gifts, time together, help, words of encouragement). It is important to learn to recognize your own and your partner’s love languages. How exactly do you and your partner feel loved?

There are love languages ​​that your partner shows easily - for example, you see that he likes to talk, help you, etc. But there are languages ​​that are repressed, and it is important to recognize them and help him live through the pain of the past.

For example, you have determined that your husband has a suppressed love language - words of gratitude. This means you can be more attentive and thank your husband more often for his support.

Of course, it takes time to understand each of these topics, but the results are worth it. Most The best way To solve any issue or problem is to contact a specialist or attend relationship training.

It is your personal growth that guarantees the success of your relationship.

Falling in love can be an exciting and terrifying experience at the same time. Sometimes it can be hard to know whether you are in love with someone or not. Keep reading to determine whether you are in love with someone or not.

Steps

Definition of 'falling in love'

Find out what falling in love is. According to Urban Dictionary, a crush is “a burning desire to be with someone you find very attractive or special.” Falling in love can cause people to experience incredible emotions - for example, you may feel both incredibly shy and incredibly frivolous. You can't choose who you fall in love with, but you can decide how to act when you find out you've fallen in love.

Exist different types crushes. The word 'falling in love' is used quite often in Everyday life. It could mean that you just feel a passing infatuation with someone, or that this person really like.

• Friendly love: It's important to remember that not all strong feelings are romantic. Allowing yourself to completely trust someone and become very close to someone without having any romantic feelings for that person is truly special. If you want to be with this person constantly, then this means that you are no longer just friends, but the best Friends. It's completely normal to have a crush on a friend; You must want to spend as much time as possible with your best friend.
• Delighted love: When you idealize a person (a celebrity, a teacher, or a classmate who did something really cool), you may realize that you have very strong feelings about that person or their accomplishments. It's completely normal to feel awe in the presence of someone who has done something amazing or can teach you amazing things. Usually, after spending a lot of time with this person and learning a lot from him, you will be able to feel like an equal with him. You may find that your crush will fade when the initial excitement of having that person in your life wears off.
• Fleeting love: Among humans, attraction to other people is a natural instinct. Even if you're in a great relationship with someone, you may feel attracted to someone other than your romantic partner. This attraction is the so-called fleeting love - this new person seems new and interesting to you (he probably is), but that doesn't mean you should completely reconsider your current relationship or, if you're not in a relationship, should give up everything to be with him. As a rule, fleeting crushes begin because of a person’s external attractiveness.
• Romantic love: Sometimes, if you have a crush on someone, it means that you really like that person (in a romantic sense). If you are romantically in love with someone, it means that you want to be with this person more than friends - you want to be your crush's girlfriend or boyfriend. If you think about kissing, hugging and romantically walking hand in hand with this person, then you are most likely experiencing a romantic crush.

1. Determine how serious your crush is. Once you figure this out, you can decide how best to behave—whether you should disclose your feelings or not. The following sections of this article will help you understand how serious your crush is.

   When you're near your crush

   1. Think about your behavior when this person is around. Taking a closer look at your behavior means noticing how you instinctively react to the appearance of your passion nearby. Different people react differently to the presence of their passions and, as a rule, this is an unconscious reaction. Typically, if you have a crush on someone, you will react to them in one of two ways: you will either become very shy and speechless, or, conversely, you will become very confident.

      • Shy reaction: Do you suddenly feel an urgent need to curl up into a ball and hide when your crush is next to you? Are you starting to blush and can't look up from that unexpectedly interesting lump of dirt on the ground? Are you starting to feel like you can't say anything funny or witty? All these reactions indicate that you are in love.
      • Overconfident reaction: Do you suddenly feel a strong urge to tease your potential crush? In his or her presence, do you suddenly want to constantly talk to get his/her attention? These are also symptoms of falling in love. However, don't make your crush too uncomfortable - if you tease this person too much, he may not want to see you again.
      • Flirting reaction: Do you want this person to notice how you dress or what hairstyle you did today? Do you always want to joke and laugh? Perhaps you suddenly want to look your best so that your crush will notice you. If you bat your eyelashes and constantly fiddle with your hair, this may indicate that you are in love.

   2. Think about how you feel in this person's company. The most common sign that you're in love is the feeling of a million butterflies fluttering inside you whenever your crush is nearby. You may also feel like your heart is stopping or, conversely, trying to burst out of your chest when you see this person; you feel warm and light-headed.

      • Do you feel anxious and excited at the same time? Perhaps you want to hug this person or spend all your time with them. All this is a normal reaction to falling in love.
      • Do you feel like you could give up anything to be with this person?

   3. Observe how you behave in the company of your friends and your crush. When you're in love, you may suddenly want to be the star of every conversation, or you may be completely speechless in the presence of your crush. When you are talking with a group of friends and your crush suddenly comes up and joins the conversation, do you do the following things: If so you have a crush, you will probably do one of the following:

      • Suddenly you feel like you should be the center of attention. You may find yourself trying to redirect the entire conversation so that you can talk about something cool you did to get your crush's attention. You might even interrupt one of your friends just so your crush can hear your story. You can also try to stay in touch with this person as often as possible to keep their attention.
      • Suddenly you feel speechless. Having a crush can make some people feel confused and feel like they have nothing to say. If you usually talk a lot, but suddenly can't say a word when that special someone is around, then you are most likely in love with him.
      • You feel like your friends have disappeared when your crush shows up. You may be surrounded by other people, but suddenly, all you see is your crush. You can't stop smiling, even if what your friends are saying isn't funny at all. When your friends ask you something, you may find it difficult to pay attention to their question because you are so focused on that special person. These are all signs that you are in love.

   4. Determine whether you have begun to take better care of your appearance. One of the main signs that you are in love with someone is the desire to look good in front of that person. Do you spend more time in front of the mirror in the morning? Do you buy new things that your crush might like? Do you spend more time on your hair and makeup every day in case you meet your crush? If yes, then you are definitely in love.

   When you're away from your crush

   1. Think about whether this person is the main one who occupies your thoughts. If you find yourself thinking about him more than anything else, then you are most likely in love with this person.

      • Perhaps you're having dinner with your family, but you're not paying attention to the conversation at the table because you're thinking about what's going on. this moment your passion is engaged.
      • You might be spending time with friends, but what you really want to do is spend time with your crush.
      • When you go to bed at night, do you think about what it would be like to kiss your crush goodnight?

   2. Notice if you often talk about your crush. Have you noticed that you constantly mention this person in any conversation? One of the biggest signs that you're in love is when your friends tell you that you talk about this person all the time. If you feel comfortable, you can tell your best friends that you think you're in love. They will help you understand your feelings and may even suggest how you can get to know your crush better.

      • Be careful who you talk to about your crush. Don't discuss your passion with anyone. Otherwise, someone might tell your crush how you feel, and you might feel awkward. Only tell your best friends how you feel—the friends you can trust the most.

   3. Think about whether you have changed your life in any way because of your crush. Have you given up or changed any habits to attract the attention of your crush?

      • Do you walk by his/her locker at school, hoping to see him/her?
      • Have you changed the route you take to get to a certain office because you know you will meet him/her on your way?
      • You've developed a new and deep interest in something your crush enjoys, like photography or cooking.

   4. Take a closer look at your internal reaction when someone mentions this person in conversation. Often when you are in love, you will experience a feeling of excitement at the mention of your crush. If someone mentions your crush, you:

      • Feeling excited? Suddenly feeling like a million butterflies are fluttering around in your stomach? Do you feel like your heart might burst out of your chest? Are you blushing and laughing? Can't say a word? If you experience one of these reactions, you are in love.

   5. Pay attention to your dreams. There is a big difference between when you think about someone and when you dream about someone. When you think about someone, you wonder what that person is doing or how they are feeling. When you daydream, you fantasize about things you want to happen. People who are in love with other people often dream about their lovers.

      • If you dream about someone and imagine yourself traveling with that person, imagining yourself holding their hand, kissing and hugging them, and other romantic things, then you are in love with that person.

   6. Consider whether certain things remind you of this person. If a song, movie or book reminds you of him, then you are definitely in love with this person.

      • If you listen to a romantic song and think, ‘Oh, I feel that way too!’, then you are in love.
      • If you watch a movie like Titanic and imagine yourself and your crush as Jack and Rose, you are in love.
      • If you read Romeo and Juliet and instantly understand the hopelessly deep love of the main characters, you are in love.

find out what is love and infatuation, what types of love are there? to understand yourself about your relationship with your partner.

To end the internal conflict and not make huge mistakes and stupid things in your life, which you cannot correct later, and which you will have to regret for the rest of your life.

What is love and infatuation

What is true love? What is its essence?
The essence of love is care, responsibility, respect and knowledge, it is a feeling, i.e. emotional and attitudinal attitude towards someone. One of the main signs of love is warmth and affection.

Cordiality is manifested in hugs, caresses, kisses, and affection is manifested in a stable need to communicate with a given person, in intimacy with him. (do not confuse love with neurotic attachment and love addiction)

Caring for a partner is a manifestation of the ability to give, not bound, not regulated by considerations of benefit and equivalence of exchange, a manifestation of the true essence of existential love.

Responsibility in love means the freedom to choose to take care of a partner, the willingness to give oneself and affirm oneself (I) in another (We).

Responsibility does not mean assigning the right of an individual to make decisions for another, even if this other is inferior in experience, wisdom and education; does not allow manipulation of a partner in the name of achieving, even the highest, goals.

Respect for a partner presupposes recognition of his right to choose his own life path and your destiny, even if this choice seems unreasonable; trust that the partner is capable of making responsible, intelligent choices.

Knowledge allows you to build a loving relationship taking into account the needs, interests and aspirations of each partner. The formation of knowledge is based on the process of decentration, developing the ability to see a problem through the eyes of all its participants, taking into account different cognitive perspectives, figuratively speaking, to “get into the shoes of a partner.”

What types of love are there?

Types of love in relationships
Sexy love- this is a relationship between people when one person considers another as close, related to himself, identifies himself with him, feels the need for rapprochement, unification; identifies his own interests and aspirations with him and, which is very significant, voluntarily spiritually and physically gives himself to another and strives to mutually possess him. This love is innate, and with age only the object of love changes (for example, from mother to future wife).

Erotic love. This is the love of a man and a woman. Romantic love. This is a manifestation of tenderness, caresses, kisses and hugs. And, of course, sexual desire. This is acquired love. Because Every person's first experience of love is maternal love. And therefore, in order to love and be loved in adulthood, a person must be loved from childhood.

Integration (unification) of the sexual and erotic principles of love ensures harmony in marital relationships, and disintegration leads to serious problems.

The first component of love

Intimacy, the feeling of closeness shown in a love relationship. Lovers feel connected to each other. Intimacy has several manifestations: joy at having a loved one nearby; having a desire to make the life of a loved one better; the desire to provide help in difficult times and the hope that a loved one also has such a desire; exchange of thoughts and feelings; presence of common interests. Traditional methods Courtship can interfere with intimacy if it consists only of ritual actions and lacks a sincere exchange of feelings. Intimacy can be destroyed by negative feelings (irritation, anger) that arise during quarrels over trifles, as well as the fear of being rejected.

The second component of love

Passion. It leads to physical attraction and sexual behavior in relationships. Although sexual relations are important here, they are not the only type of need. The need for self-esteem remains, the need to receive support in difficult times.

The relationship between intimacy and passion is ambiguous: sometimes intimacy causes passion, in other cases passion precedes intimacy. It also happens that passion is not accompanied by intimacy, and intimacy is not accompanied by passion. It is important not to confuse attraction to opposite sex with sexual desire.

The third component of love

Decision obligation (responsibility).
It has short-term and long-term aspects. The short-term aspect is reflected in the decision that a particular person loves another, the long-term aspect is in the obligation to maintain this love (“a vow of love until the grave”).

Already in Ancient Greece a typology of love was developed: “eros” - spontaneous and passionate dedication, enthusiastic love; “philia” - love, friendship, affection of one person for another; “storge” - affection, especially family; "agape" - sacrificial love, love for one's neighbor.

A more detailed typology of sexual love:
1) eros- passionate love, infatuation, striving for complete physical possession;
2) ludus- hedonistic (pleasure) love is a game that is not distinguished by the depth of feeling and relatively easily allows for the possibility of betrayal;
3) storge- calm, warm and reliable love friendship;
4) pragma- arises from a combination of ludus and storge - rational, easily controlled; love of convenience;
5) mania- appears as a combination of eros and ludus, irrational love and obsession, which is characterized by uncertainty and dependence on the object of attraction; (neurotic love)
6) agape- selfless love-self-giving, synthesis of eros and storge.
7) philia- Love
Women are more characterized by storgic, pragmatic and manic manifestations of love, while young men are more characterized by erotic and especially ludic love.

Determine your type of love, take the test “What is love like”

The more interest one of the partners shows in a couple towards the other, the more obvious his desire for rapprochement, close and constant communication becomes, the more resistance the second partner shows, the more obvious his desire for distancing and independence, attempts to avoid interaction with his partner become . And vice versa, the less interest a partner shows in us, the more he is inclined to show interest in another, the more acutely we experience the threat of separation and separation (disconnection), the more persistent and uncompromising our struggle for the return of a partner becomes.

Love or infatuation - modes of love

Society offers for choice two modes of life activity (to have or to be) and the corresponding two modes of love: love as possession and love as being.

The first mode - love as possession - is characteristic of a consumer society, where the principle “everything is for sale” operates. Love acts as a kind of monetary equivalent for the exchange of services and goods (“I love you, and you give me this for that...”), and becomes a subject of purchase and sale. An exchange takes place: men offer status, money, power; women - beauty, thriftiness, fertility, etc.

When creating a family, the emphasis shifts to the phase of searching for a marriage partner, here you can see a special intensity of passions and the real passion of the player - to get more, to give less. Bargaining begins, where everything is weighed and evaluated, where sellers and buyers try to deceive, “foist”, and make a profitable deal.

“Unhappy love” among supporters of the mode of possession is also interpreted in terms of purchase and sale: either you “overpaid” or you were “underpaid.”

The second mode is love as being - creative, active love, providing conditions for personal growth both partners.
This is a mature, harmonious form of love.
Test: Marital Compatibility
The productive orientation of the personality in existential love is realized
is that, unlike love-possession, relationships with a partner here are built primarily on the principle of “giving.”

By giving oneself as a gift to another, a person enriches the other person and at the same time confirms to himself and others the value of his own life. The ability to give, actualize and express oneself in in a meaningful way There is highest manifestation spiritual strength of personality, completeness and joy of being. E. Fromm emphasizes that the ability to love is formed only if the individual renounces the philosophy of consumption, the desire to exploit others and overcomes narcissism (admiration for oneself).

The exclusivity of love is manifested in everything: in the uniqueness of the partner, which implies the impossibility of comparing him with anyone and replacing him with anyone, in the uniqueness of the relationship itself, where there are not and cannot be norms, rules and standards.

Love acts as a statement of the uniqueness of the existence of another person.
The practice of love presupposes discipline as being demanding of oneself; concentration, the ability to listen to a partner, live in the present, feeling life in every moment; patience and work to gain mastery.

Love deepens a person's consciousness, since tenderness for another person arises in him as an awareness of his needs, desires and feelings; merging with a loved one opens up a new existence for the individual. Love is the experience of one’s ability to give pleasure to another, due to which the individual goes beyond the boundaries of his “I”.
Finally, in love the ability to give and receive is formed. If the balance of these two processes is disturbed, then the love relationship is disturbed.

Infatuation as opposed to love- this concept means passion, passion in love. It is a state of “an irresistible desire to connect with another person.” Distinctive feature The difference between falling in love and all other types of emotional relationships is sexual passion.

What is falling in love

Love is sustainable emotional state, lasting from several months to two years and having all the signs physiological reason its manifestations. There is evidence that falling in love is associated with the appearance in the blood or an increase in the content of certain biochemical substances - endorphins and oxytocin.

Men are more amorous than women, but women in love are more emotional. Men, more than women, attach importance to the playful side of relationships and physical intimacy, and women are somewhat more concerned about trust in relationships and caring for a partner than men.

Love, as a rule, is caused by the purely external attractiveness of a person and even by individual features of appearance (you can get carried away because of a girl’s eyes, smile, or gait). The phenomenon of “mutual admiration” is also important: when a person feels the need to “belong” and realizes that someone accepts and loves him, he is inclined to reciprocate. When a person discovers that someone attractive truly loves him, romantic feelings are awakened in him.

This has been tested and experimentally: people who are told that someone likes or admires them, as a rule, begin to experience reciprocal sympathy.

There is a possible development in the lover of dependence in relation to the object of his passion, similar to alcoholic or drug addiction, since a person loses the ability to control himself and is poorly aware of what is happening.

During the period of falling in love, her object seems beautiful and unattainable. A person paints a colorful and beautiful image in his imagination (falling in love is the triumph of imagination over reason), which may not correspond to reality at all.

Why do they say “in love”? One should say "obsessed."
V. Hugo

The lover’s imagination is filled with the object of his love to such an extent that he ceases to notice not only those around him, but also himself. A lover wants to constantly be close to his adored object, so for the sake of this he can abandon all his affairs. He is in a state of euphoria, daydreaming, he may experience insomnia, and it becomes difficult for him to concentrate.

However, immortal love does not really exist, and sooner or later, when the lover begins to analyze the real behavior of the beloved and when it turns out that it does not coincide with his ideal, the haze dissipates, and he begins to slowly descend from heaven to earth. Falling in love often turns out to be pseudo-love.
However, even if the relationship continues, the lover's blindness still ends. Falling in love from an acutely experienced state can turn into love, that is, into a positive, but devoid of passion, attitude towards the beloved as a valuable object for him. One of the mechanisms for weakening the experience of passion when falling in love is adaptation, getting used to constantly acting stimuli and impressions.

Over time, the relationship between lovers, if they persist, turns into a relationship with less emotional intensity, but with greater confidential intimacy, which is called love-friendship? What usually happens in harmonious family. In other cases, love addiction and codependency arise in the family.

Preliminary, free consultation with a psychologist -

Just yesterday you didn’t even suspect its existence, but today it’s like you’ve gone crazy: he is so cute and charming, so erudite and cheerful, so successful and accomplished. The owner of broad shoulders, a confident gait, elastic buttocks - he is also an extraordinary personality, a skilled lover, true friend and an attentive interlocutor.

You're head over heels in love! You want to see him every second, you want to be the only one and forever desired by him, you want to give birth to a bunch of kids for him, and you just want him... But is this it? How to distinguish it from ordinary love? The women's site talks about the intricacies of both feelings and is looking for!

How actually initial stage relationships correctly classify your feelings, and the relationship with your partner in general? After all, this will save time, nerves and emotions of both participants in the tandem. Because love and infatuation are completely different both in nature and in strength of manifestation, duration and color.

Main differences

– doesn’t come right away, she takes a long time to grow, becoming stronger and stronger day by day.

Falling in love is a flash, this is a fireworks display of emotions and sensations, this like “a blow to the head”, from which after a while you begin to let go: either the blow was not too strong, or the “hitter” did not live up to your hopes.

– either doesn’t go away at all, or goes away very slowly.

Falling in love flies away instantly, ending exactly the same way it began (except without the blow).

Falling in love brings you closer, but not for long. At first you like a person, he is pleasant to you in every way. It's like champagne- at first it makes you dizzy and pleasantly intoxicating, and then it becomes tasteless, and your head hurts in the morning - i.e. you lose interest and you understand that this is absolutely not yours.

A understanding of love comes gradually when you begin to appreciate every second spent with this person, when you are drawn to him not only physically (flirting, sex, etc.), but also spiritually, when you don’t get bored with something that would have bored you long ago with someone else. Love is like expensive wine– over the years it becomes tastier and more seasoned.

Love may appear without attraction to a man, and falling in love is attraction itself. Love - static and permanent, love can come and go at least every half hour. Love gives confidence in the future and partner, love - doubts and jealousy. Love takes into account reality and problems, love - ignores their. Love assumes compatibility partners, love - neglects it. Love goes through insults and quarrels no loss, enriched by experience, falling in love - fades and gets lost in the background of everyday life. Love self-sufficient and creative, love - all-consuming and destructive. Love is selfless and necessarily mutual, love - selfish and can be one-sided. If you like - live with your partner, if you're in love - live by yourself and your emotions, reveling in them.

Having fallen in love, you you forget about yourself, the center of your universe shifts exactly 180 degrees and stops on him, on him ONE. Your feelings fully manifest themselves and blossom with reciprocity, when you know for sure that you are loved.

Love can you feel not just one man. Because by virtue of its nature she is polygamous and can accommodate several centers and main characters.

Being in love, You you don’t notice the shortcomings of your chosen one, he is ideal for you - the way he jokes, the way he lights a cigarette, the way he dresses and spends his leisure time - all this is a sign of his creative and extraordinary nature.

In love are you you see all its disadvantages, moreover, you learn to live with them. Yes, you hate football, you think some of his jokes are stupid, his way of lighting a cigarette infuriates you, and these loud and tasteless clothes?! But damn He's so cute when he asks for forgiveness, he's so honestly miserable because of your dissatisfaction that you are ready to forgive him everything (even that red shirt with yellow roosters and dirty socks scattered in all corners).

Love is not afraid of separation, for falling in love this is the end. You can love him from a distance, you are warmed simply by the thought that somewhere there is a person who is dear to you, you rejoice at his successes, grieve over his failures.

You don't need daily meetings– love does not need recharge. Love makes you forget about yourself, you get joy from your feelings, from what YOU love. Falling in love does not tolerate coldness and indifference.

Love never fades even if the person you love leaves. He leaves for someone else, leaves for good, leaves you, leaves this world. You continue to love him even if he is a stranger, you see him in your children, you live for the two of you, you live for him.

A few more signs of love:

• The two of you are interested, free and comfortable, optimism prevails, there is no willingness to justify and defend,
• Natural division of psychological “labor”(one jokes, the other laughs, one thinks logically and plans a future together, the other is completely satisfied with this),
• The partner is clear, hence predictability and confidence in the future,
• Persistent feeling of completion and completion. Personal problems and complexes go away, you become liberated and fully reveal your abilities,
• Both with and without a partner you feel one hundred percent self-confidence, own importance and usefulness.
• To all the signs of love you get used to it quickly(as with all good things), you stop perceiving them as phenomena or miracles, but as a matter of course (as with health, when you have it, you don’t value it, but only notice it when it’s weakened).

Drawing conclusions

I think, after analyzing all the above criteria, you were able to identify your feeling and give it a name.

Love– great, congratulations! Urgently to the registry office. Love- even better, enjoy an easy, non-binding relationship, be flighty and capricious, because this will soon pass, and you will meet that very true love. Consider this a dress rehearsal. Not even like that: let it be a “rake” that you step on (maybe more than once) and who will teach you a lot. The main thing here is to draw the right conclusions, take into account your mistakes and try not to repeat them with your loved one.

One more thing: don't make hasty decisions, which you will regret later. After all, every relationship is an invaluable experience, an opportunity to express yourself. And suddenly you made a mistake in classification, or your love will eventually develop into something more (and this happens).

I wish you only honest people, know your price and name for everything!

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