When the relationship is secret, it looks very suspicious. It is foolish to consider this something romantic and intriguing, because in the end only the seriousness of intentions makes sense. Today we will understand why a man hides a relationship.

There are frequent cases when a woman starts dating a man and everything seems to be fine, but there is one problem: he does not want others to know about their relationship. He does not want to devote either friends or relatives to the fact that he has a soulmate. Moreover, he does not state his motives in these relations or answers evasively.

The reasons for this behavior of a man can be different. Unfortunately, in most cases this speaks of certain shortcomings of a man, which we will examine in more detail below.

Why does a man not advertise the relationship?

To begin with, it is worth noting that if a woman allows sex with this version of the development of relations, then this clearly indicates her stupidity and unreasonableness. Keeping a man at a distance until there is complete clarity in the relationship, a woman can protect herself from most of the unnecessary "surprises" in the relationship.

If such relations nevertheless arose, then it is necessary to understand the situation already in the process of these relations. So, now for the reasons.

• The man is not ready for a serious relationship

Getting into bed with a woman does not mean that a man is ready for a serious relationship. No matter how old he is, by development he can be in a youthful carefree state. And here, of course, the mistake of a woman, if she allowed intimacy before she figured out the true motives of a man.

If sex has not yet been, the better for both. A woman simply keeps a man at a distance, and if he does not begin to take this issue seriously, then nothing will happen. Perhaps he will babble something about friendship between a man and a woman and the like, do not lose your vigilance. A woman needs to easily say goodbye to such men.

When will a man be ready for a serious relationship? Then when it starts develop personally. An underdeveloped man is not needed by a woman, since he cannot make her truly happy.

• A man does not want or is not ready to take responsibility for a woman

A real man should take full responsibility for a woman in all plans. Therefore, in the question of why a man hides relationships, there may be the following reason: he is afraid, or may not be able to take responsibility both in material and in spiritually for a woman.

Why? The man is not yet ripe for a new relationship. After all, this is really a big responsibility: to fully provide, protect from everything, emotionally support a woman.

There is only one way out: a man to develop, and a woman to wait or choose from others.

• The man just takes advantage of the woman

A very common reason in our time, when the so-called "real man" to get acquainted with a woman stupidly for sex or money (yes, this is also common). In general, a reasonable and developed woman immediately recognizes such a situation.

A woman should stop such an attitude towards herself harshly and decisively, she should not allow herself to be used. Such men should be tactfully "sent to distant places."

• A man is afraid of losing his freedom

Yes, that might be the reason. After all, a serious relationship entails certain duties and the same responsibility, and, accordingly, more time should be devoted to this. This means that he will have to give up something familiar, for example, part of communicating with friends, useless visits to bars and so on.

Men are usually very sensitive to their "freedom" and behave accordingly. A woman needs in this case not to let him close to her, no sex. Then he will either begin to change his life, or leave. Any of these options a woman should be considered as acceptable.

• A man does not need this woman

It happens that a man with a woman builds such hidden relationships, just for the sake of having someone. As soon as a more attractive option appears on the horizon, he immediately breaks off relations. By the way, also very common cause why a man hides a relationship.

So pay attention to how he treats you. If the relationship is secret and at the same time he is careless and disrespectful towards you, then this is definitely a wake-up call.

• A woman can be just a lover and not know it

There are cases when a man turns out to be married or is already in a serious relationship, and he has a woman as his mistress. Sometimes a woman doesn't realize it. It is not uncommon for a man to have different women in different cities, and sometimes even entire families.

Nevertheless, if a woman knows this or suddenly finds out, then she needs to immediately break off such relationships, since they will bring nothing but trouble to her. The saying “You can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune” very clearly describes this situation.

Conclusion on why a man hides a relationship

Let's sum up the article. Above, we have analyzed the most popular reasons for the occurrence of situations in which a man is prone to building secret relationships. As a short checklist, once again about these reasons:

1. He is not ready for a relationship;
2. He is not ready or does not want to take responsibility;
3. He uses it;
4. He is afraid of losing his imaginary freedom;
5. He doesn't need her;
6. She is his mistress.

The reasons why men hide relationships are clear, but what to do in this situation?

A woman should always first communicate with a man at a distance, allowing only a little innocent flirting. In the process of such communication, the true motives of a man will always appear, and she will be able to draw the right conclusion, and then the right actions.

If, after a few days, or even hours, she goes to bed with him, then the opportunity to sort out the situation and the partner disappears.

I conduct psychological and numerological consultations, where you can resolve problem situations in relationships and in other areas of life. You can.

Write your comments below, your view on this topic, your additions and comments.

Incredibly, the author, the situation is 1 in 1 like mine. If you read, answer how it ended.

I am 30, a girl of 25, on the verge of collapse, now offended, moved out to live with her mother.
We met and began to live with her mother, where she lived. Naturally, for me it was a temporary option, because. I lived far away from my parents for a long time and got used to making decisions for myself. And her mother was sitting at home at a laptop, on purchased sick leave, and her daughter was busy around the house, cooking, cleaning, taking her to the hospital, and so on. At first I wanted to help, it was a pity, work, they also force me at home. Then her mother decided when, where, why it was necessary to go, there was practically no life of her own. While I was working, they went shopping or somewhere else and always everywhere her mother was the initiator. I'm tired, scandals began, my mother-in-law is offended, expresses her daughter, my daughter tells me that she just helps her and nothing special. I forgot to say that the girl had a son, she was 2 years old at that time. Somehow he persuaded me to rent an apartment and move. Very convenient, our work, garden 5 min. on foot. We didn't get married, although we wanted to. She goes to her mother every other day at least, they call each other every day, then take her to the hospital, then cook, clean, pay utility bills, in general, everything. Everything is complicated by the fact that she, mother, is very ill, and it is really hard for her to do all this now. I'm not against help, but the constant feeling of her mother's presence is tiring. If we quarrel, and she refuses her, then she will quarrel. I stopped talking to my mother-in-law. And the girl communicates and drives as if nothing had happened. I swear, communicate and travel while I'm away. Once they had a fight, he said that she was against going to one place, at the behest of her mother, she went anyway. And so they lived for 2 years, with a double life, it seems that they had their own plans, on the other hand, you know that there is still a mother who is not going to let her go anywhere.
The girl honestly tried to somehow refuse her, but she threw tantrums, a bad daughter, blackmail, threats. Then she stopped, and we fought, often. I also can’t stand her mother, somehow I tried to put up with her, she says that she will buy her a car, despite the fact that we have it so that she has her own, I kind of don’t give a car sometimes. And the girl is tired of everything, but she doesn’t want to leave her mother, and I’m not ready to be the third. The husband is the head of the family and the head of the wife, not the mother, I think so. In short, a vicious circle. And now I think either to leave her with her mother, or to endure, to wait for her to move away from her, but this can be waited all my life, this is education.
I love her very much, so I endure, I came to my mother-in-law to put up, she says it’s my own fault, I left money for them to live. The girl doesn’t communicate with me, she wants to leave, I’m trying to get her back, I’m texting the hater, I’m sorry. But I myself think, is it worth it, or put up with it. I love the girl, although she does not seem to appreciate it much. I also tortured her with scandals, but I was tired of enduring their close union with my mother. My parents help us, they give gifts to the child and her, it’s not enough for me, I don’t mind, her mother didn’t help in any way, but we always owe her, and the girl still doesn’t oppose it. Her mother is not her mother, she adopted her.
Maybe I'm wrong about something, advise if there is a way out, or just leave?

What can not be said to a man about his mother if you do not plan to get a divorce in the near future?

If you have a good relationship mother-in-law, lucky you. And your husband is even more fortunate, because in the “wife-mother-in-law” conflict, he suffers the most. It is the man who has to choose whose side to take and how to repay the mutual discontent of the two main women in his life.

If you want to make life easier for your husband, never say these 7 phrases to him. By the way, your relationship with your mother-in-law will also magically become much better. Because, at least, your message and the degree of mood in relation to her will change, and this is always felt.

Your mom got me!

When you say such things, the man gets nervous. Because, unlike us women, men do not know how to just listen or feel sorry. It seems to them that any of your complaints is a signal to action. And what actions can he take when it comes to his mother? Ask her not to get you? Break all ties with her? In general, keep this valuable information to yourself and think about how you personally minimize communication with your mother-in-law without harming your husband and grandchildren.

Say that my borscht tastes better than your mom's. At least there are no pieces of fat floating in it!

Do not encroach on the sacred. For example, for my mother's borscht, or potato pancakes, or herring under a fur coat. Or how she spoiled him as a child. And these are not pieces of fat, but cracklings! Without them and garlic buns, for him, borscht is not borscht at all, but just a miserable soup. He will, of course, say that your food tastes better. He is well brought up and does not like to sleep on the sofa in the living room. But you will know that it is not true, and he will know that it is not true. It's not because you're bad at cooking. It’s just that attachment to what is prepared by mother’s hands lives in the soul of every person and nothing can erase it.

Let's start with the fact that nodding at the appearance, even if it is so outstanding, is ugly. Well, for every little boy, his mother is the very best. And when a boy grows up, he carefully keeps in the depths of his memory the memory of that mother's beauty, which lives only in the eyes of a child. No, he will not look and evaluate his mother soberly, but he will be offended by you. And he will be right.

Your mom fed her baby candy before meals again, she's so irresponsible!

Yes, you, as a mother, have the right to set the rules for raising and feeding a child. And you even have every right to demand their observance from everyone, including grandmothers. And if the rules are not followed, you may well invite the mother-in-law to spend time together. So that you can see with your own eyes: there will be no sweets before dinner and cartoons instead of a walk. Do you want three? Then you have to accept that the mother-in-law will not follow all your rules. After all, she is an adult, she has the experience of motherhood, she raised at least one son.

Tell your mom to keep her nose out of our private lives!

If the husband does not have a need to tell this to his mother, then most likely he does not consider that she is "poking her nose." And maybe even quite independently goes to her for advice. So first of all, you need to resolve this issue with your husband, and not at all with his mother. Explain to him that there are those boundaries that no one should violate. Even the closest, even your mothers. And with mothers it is necessary to communicate on more neutral topics.

Next Saturday? No, we can't, tell her not to come!

Of course, you are not at all obliged to salute and meet his mother with pies and an orchestra whenever she decides to come. People agree on such things in advance. But do not force your husband to refuse your mother, it is better to call her yourself and offer an alternative. For example, “Unfortunately, we are leaving next Saturday, but we will be glad to see you next weekend.”

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! I have a second marriage, we live for two years. And for more than a year, for some reason, my husband's relationship with his mother has been straining me. So it turns out that I periodically have to leave. And here he is all this time at the weekend with his mother. Shopping, to the beach, to the pool, to a cafe, to the forest..., takes my mother to a cafe..., everywhere with my mother. Even if we are together, we still very rarely spend weekends together. Wherever we go, he invites his mother with him. I was already tired of this and began to tell him that I wanted to go together. He certainly agrees with me..

And once there was such a case. We were all driving together in the car and then my mother began to talk about former women my husband. Of course, it was unpleasant for me to listen to it, and at home I told him about it. The husband flared up and said that he would make a remark to the mother so that she would not interfere with her stories and advice, and in general expressed dissatisfaction with the fact that she was interfering. But in less than a day, he was already lisping with her on the phone, already inviting her somewhere and asking me not to tell her that he was so indignant at her behavior here. And when even more time passed, my husband said to me, "Well, what did she say? She did not want to offend anyone."

I read a bunch of articles on the psychology of relationships. And I'm even afraid to think that my husband is really a sissy. But it seems to me that we live not together, but three. Mom said, mom does it, mom cooks it, etc. He also often calls her and reports in detail about our life with him: what they did, what they bought, how much it costs, where they were, who they met, who they saw, even about our plans ... I repeatedly asked my husband not to tell in such detail about our life, especially about plans, because I don't want that... But he still talks..

But yesterday's incident made me write to you. I'm away again. And yesterday, my mother spent the whole day hosting in our apartment. The husband invited her to help him prepare food for a week .. And at the end of the day he writes to me "I'm now seeing my mother off, we stared at psychics. We got wet, prepared and ate." This is literal. I got angry. Yesterday was Sunday. On Saturday, he also spent most of the day with his mother. And when he is with his mother, he hardly communicates with me. And so I think, do I need all this, if it irritates and angers me so much? Why do I need this permanent internal discomfort? Pretend and pretend that I like it, I can't. Re-educate a man at 47, I don’t know if it will work? Please advise what should I do in such a situation? I tolerate and respect my mother-in-law, but I don’t want her presence in our lives. Maybe I misunderstand something, but why does all this irritate me so much and I don’t like it so much? Help, please, to understand. Thanks a lot.

The psychologist Zhuravlev Alexander Evgenievich answers the question.

Hello!

Tatiana!!! Well, it’s clear what kind of relationship “mother-son” we are talking about !!!

You, in general, married a man who has long been formed. And mother, as a dominant, was always present in his life. Some kind of format perfect woman". It is she who is the "object" of the outside world, which for your husband makes this outside world harmonious, complete, livable and safe. It is the mother who knows exactly the ways in which the feeling of satisfaction with life "comes" to your husband. It is the mother knows how (and knows how to do it!) to give your husband full pleasure.

I take it she only has one? And dad how significant figure, has long disappeared from the horizon?

You somehow missed this moment.

By the way, I didn’t really understand if your husband was married before you? Does he have children?

How did you meet him? How did your relationship develop? What is the reason that you still married him? Really, there was nothing to worry about?

When a person is 47 years old (by the way, how old is your mother-in-law?), then calling him simply "sissy" somehow does not turn his tongue.

The fact is that he and his mother have had a really serious relationship for a long time: there is friendship, and mutual obligations, and absolute trust, and dependence, and much more!!!

And mom will always be the most referential (defining) figure in your husband's life. This is the result of a lifestyle, a way and methods of education (and it, education, has been going on non-stop for 47 years!!!).

Under the influence of all this, the basic values ​​\u200b\u200bof your husband, his needs, have long been formed! I mean the relationship with my mother, the understanding and fulfillment of filial duty, the need for approval from my mother, etc.

When adults form relationships, the first question is whether they share basic values. Most often, this is an attitude to some aspects of life, a common understanding of the meaning of life, the full value of existence, etc. That is, literally, we are talking about a certain common ideology!

It sounds very difficult, but in fact everything is much simpler:

There is something to talk about with each other or not - it does not matter! But when people are simply comfortable together, when they experience complete mutual trust, boldly and calmly express their point of view on any issue, without looking back at anyone, then this is the normal emotional and psychological climate of interpersonal relationships.

A person, trusting his life, his future to someone, must, first of all, TRUST!

And trust is impossible in a situation of "double standards". In your case, this is when, under the influence of his mother, he changes his point of view on what she does, says, and how she behaves!

A person EXACTLY needs to understand in which coordinate system he is, what role he plays. And if there are any contradictions, inconsistencies, dissonances, then there are a lot of questions and a lot of discomfort!

“If I am a wife, then why don’t I feel like a mistress in my house? If I’m not a mistress, then why am I forced to perform a bunch of duties? Why can’t I feel confident and calm, being a wife and mistress?

The owner is the one and only. Two housewives with the same rights and the same area of ​​responsibility in one house, in my opinion, cannot be. Someone has to be at least a little, but more important!

There is one word in your story - "irritation". This is a very bad state. It is akin to resentment - absolutely destructive and has a chronic connotation. This condition is painful and harmful to our health, because it is associated with what is called "an increased level of anxiety." It turns out that you are constantly experiencing tension, without the opportunity to relax. Tension accumulates and splashes out in the form of dissatisfaction with oneself, the world around, life, etc. Tension accumulates and is expressed even in somatic diseases...

Your task is to competently talk with your husband, explaining exactly what you feel when you find yourself in the situation of "two housewives in the kitchen." And in your monologue there should be a continuous pronoun "I" and a minimum of pronouns "you", "you" and "she"!

In your monologue there should not be criticism, but there should be a simple mention of facts, a statement. And the question is, what should I do?

"I see that for you, the opinion of your mother is more important than the opinion of your wife. What should I think about this? Who do you think I should feel like? How should I behave?" etc.

Maybe he will think and make at least some choice?

My prognosis, unfortunately, is not very favorable. It is unlikely that anything will change, but you need to try everything!

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