Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are a very difficult question.

I am sure that this information will be useful not only to women who have mothers-in-law, but also to those who are raising boys and will become mothers-in-law in the future. So:

- What annoys us about our mother-in-law?

- Why doesn’t the mother-in-law love her daughter-in-law?

— What mistakes do daughters-in-law make?

— How to achieve peace in a relationship?

You've probably heard a lot of stories about mother-in-law, and someone has encountered this in real life. Some stories are striking in their implausibility: a seemingly normal woman, but behaves inappropriately when she becomes a mother-in-law. Some indicate what bedding young people should sleep on. And my friend’s mother-in-law decided to “help” - first she ironed her underwear, then began sewing up her panties, and decided to buy a linen box for her bras...

My dears, when you become a mother-in-law, do not sew up your daughter-in-law's panties or try to arrange her bras correctly. Because your daughter-in-law is a stranger to you, and she is not your little unreasonable daughter!

What else is difficult for a daughter-in-law to agree with?

With the fact that the mother-in-law sees many of the daughter-in-law’s shortcomings. It seems that the daughter-in-law consists only of shortcomings.

It seems to the mother-in-law that after marriage, the son has changed in the worst side. And he really changed, he became a married man, and not a free man, but the mother sees the reason for this deterioration in her daughter-in-law.

The mother-in-law believes that he is deteriorating with his wife. The mother-in-law makes this conclusion based on the fact that now her son listens little to her opinion.

The mother-in-law believes that the daughter-in-law is not taking good care of her son;

He teaches a lot, does not accept his daughter-in-law’s opinion and considers his opinion to be the only correct one;

There is a lot of interference in raising a child. Some pamper, allowing what parents prohibit, and some turn against parents, telling the child how bad his mom or dad did.

All this brings a lot of irritation, resentment, and sometimes hatred into the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

But the main thing that the daughter-in-law cannot agree with is that the mother-in-law does not let her son go.

Because the mother gives birth, loves the child and then, when the time comes, releases her child into life. She stops influencing him and encroaching on his independence. Despite all the love, the mother still gives birth to him not for herself, but for his own life.

And if the mother failed to build a personal life, then the child becomes the lifeline that such a woman clings to.

Problems in relationships are especially aggravated when she was alone, when all her son's attention belonged to her. He fulfilled all requests and was very obedient. And then another woman appears in his life, now the son devotes little time, and the mother receives a refusal to some requests. She finds it difficult to accept that her son has a new family, that his mother is no longer the center of his life, and that everything free time he will spend with his wife. But this is correct, no matter how painful this fact may be for the mother-in-law.

And if there are no more close people in the life of such a woman and the son is the only meaning, then such a woman will always subconsciously perceive her daughter-in-law as a destroyer of happiness and peace, no matter what she does!

I have a friend, a wonderful woman, and when she became a mother-in-law, she began to behave “inappropriately.” She began to complain about her daughter-in-law that she did not feed her when she came in to help her with the child. I say in surprise, but why on empty space create a problem, you're an adult - ask. The daughter-in-law needs to be taught, she doesn’t do this because she wants to offend you, she just doesn’t know, she’s embarrassed! She replied that she would not do this, she would tolerate it, but she complained to her son. Absurd! But mothers-in-law often do this. They fight with their daughter-in-law as an equal. But they are not equal!

What else is difficult for a mother-in-law to cope with?

It is very difficult for a mother to come to terms with the fact that her son used to tell her everything, spend a lot of time, but after the wedding he communicates differently, calls are now rare and quick. The mother's advice is ignored, and more often the son chooses what his wife advises.

Mom fades into the background, and when children appear, into the third.

The son listens to his wife, not his mother, especially when it comes to preferences in food, clothing, and literature.

If the mother-in-law is lonely, then after her son leaves, there is essentially nothing left in her life, and she feels approaching old age.

Many who have mothers-in-law know how such women try to regain their influence over their son. They start getting sick, sometimes faking their own health problems, and sometimes actually getting sick. They call her son at night to get proof that she is loved.

After marriage, the mother no longer receives energy from her son in the form of attention and care. No kissing, telling, checking in every day. And the mother-in-law demands that her son return to her, and that she occupy first place in his heart.

Some mothers believe that their children owe them, but children owe their parents nothing but respect! They only owe it to their children. Many people think that if I invested my life in you, then you owe me! But the son should not pay his mother for giving birth to him and raising him.

If you don’t realize that your son has now gone into his own life, then it’s very difficult to withstand jealousy!

“I put my whole life on him, in difficult times I denied myself everything, and then this woman appeared out of nowhere and took everything that rightfully belongs to me!”

All attention switches to the woman, and mom no longer gets anything. But this is how life works - just forward! She moves forward and never back! Parents are the “past”, and the present is family and wife.

And the mother’s heart is corroded by the resentment that pours out on an innocent woman.

The mother-in-law needs to understand that her son is not her property and let him go.

It should not fill the void, fill your life with meaning, color it and save you from loneliness! He has another family and is in the service of new family and this is the only way life can move forward and develop! If all sons stayed with their mothers, humanity would die out!

And the son’s life will work out only if he “leave” his mother. And if he remains energetically with her, then there will be no family. Everything has a price.

A mother's love is selfless; a mother raises children not for herself, but for their own lives. At some point she sacrifices her possession and influence for the sake of the future of her child. If she does not do this, then this is just a desire to take care of her future at the expense of the child.

If the mother-in-law perceives her son as property, then it will really seem to her that her daughter-in-law has taken him away.

And even the church says that the son (man) must choose the primacy of marriage: “Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and they will become one flesh."

After marriage, the relationship with my mother recedes into the background.

“After all, in order to become a man, a son must abandon the first woman in his life, namely his mother.” Bert Hellinger.

Just like a woman must “refuse” her father.

Daughter-in-law's mistakes:

- Just complain to your husband and escalate the situation, thinking that this will solve your problems;

- Answer your mother-in-law rudely and put her in her place; you won’t put your mother-in-law in her place, even if you put her in her place for 15 years;

- Continue to feel jealous that he pays attention to his mother. As if she was also his beloved woman;

- Trying to prove to your mother-in-law that you are good and deserve her love;

- Argue, defend your opinion, swear;

- Demand respect from the mother-in-law, do not compromise;

- Create scandals on any occasion: went to mom, helped mom, called;

- Look for the mother-in-law’s shortcomings, exaggerate them, discuss them with mom and friends;

These mistakes have a very high price. You can forget about peace in such a family!

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: How to come to peace?

To avoid domestic conflicts, it is better to live separately from your mother-in-law. But if this is not possible, then you need to understand that there is already a mistress in the house and you will always have bird rights. Respect the current way of life, even if you don’t like it, don’t change it under any circumstances, you won’t succeed! Because you will never become taller or older than your mother-in-law! Don't be hostile to her household tips, learn humility and learn to be the youngest!

Hatred and deep alienation grows between two women when each of the women wants to have undivided influence over the man. Each one wants to own it alone.

Understand that your mother-in-law, no matter what she is, is not your rival, and she will never be able to take your place. Never enter into a “love triangle”, she is not his woman.

Be a wife, love your husband, and don’t claim him as your property, and there will be fewer problems with your mother-in-law.

And don’t try to become the best “mother” for a man! Don't try to improve him or decide how he should live better! These are all maternal “manners”.

And don't be surprised, but

You are just like her! The same! Everything you don't like about your mother-in-law is about you. She is your mirror, no matter how much you don’t want to admit it! You are no better than her!

After all, a son very often finds a woman in the image and likeness of his mother and not always based on positive qualities!

Don't blame your mother-in-law if you don't like something about your own husband. I often hear from my students: She raised him poorly, deprived him of his masculinity, and lost his leadership qualities.

If she had raised him a little differently, he would not have chosen you. A little more masculinity, and he would find himself another woman with a little more developed femininity! Therefore, it is better to find what you value in your husband and express your gratitude to your mother-in-law for it. She raised such a man!

Never, under any circumstances, complain to your mother-in-law about your husband, even if your mother-in-law starts this game of blaming her own son with you, it will not end well. For the mother-in-law, this is a signal: you don’t love him, and you’re casting a shadow on her too. Better say something good about your husband!

When a woman has a difficult relationship with her mother, she begins to wait unconditional love from the mother-in-law, but the mother-in-law owes her daughter-in-law nothing but respect!

And the most main advice- is to love your husband and respect him, because if you respect your husband, then you automatically respect everything connected with him, and especially his mother!

Remember, if there are a lot of problems with your mother-in-law, then this indicates that there is little respect for your husband and a lot of pride!

Whatever your mother-in-law says, whatever she advises, you must listen! You don't just get a difficult mother-in-law! You have a lot of pride and it teaches you humility and respect. Don’t be indignant, don’t prove that you’re right, and especially don’t be rude. Don’t rush to answer, it’s better to remain silent! This is a million dollar tip! And every mother should give this advice to her daughter!

Remaining silent does not mean doing it! To remain silent is to show respect and respect for her opinion!

You should not listen to her and be in obedience, like your mother. But the mother-in-law has such a right - to advise! She's the eldest! And you have the right to do things your own way, especially when it comes to your personal life!

Thanks to this woman you got your husband. Therefore, there should be a place in your heart for her too. No one is asking you to love her, start with respect.

Exactly as she is, she is the right and best mother of your husband, if she had become different, your husband would have been different too, and you might never have met.

And if you have a good relationship with your mother-in-law, then this indicates that you have passed the test of psychological maturity.

You must do what depends on you, and not wait for someone else to do it.

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Tatyana Dzutseva

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- a frequent question that can be found on the Internet in various psychological communities.

Harmonious relationships between husband and wife is painstaking work in which both take part. But what to do if a “third wheel” - the husband’s mother - constantly gets into the relationship?

Year after year, many women face the same problem: the husband obeys his mother in everything, the mother-in-law constantly manipulates her son, gets into conflicts and, perhaps, even turns her child against her daughter-in-law.
The problem of how to get a mother-in-law away from her husband is, in fact, global in nature. Often, conflicts with mother-in-law become the cause of relationship breakdown and even divorce.

I have been married for about 5 years, after the wedding my husband and I lived with my mother-in-law (she is divorced). After constant conflicts with her (she always meddled in our affairs, even when we quarreled with my husband), I barely persuaded my husband to move to live separately, but six months have passed, and at the slightest problem my husband is going to move in with his mother again. I don't know what to do, we have little son. His mother-in-law constantly tells him that she is sad to live alone. I don't want to step on the same rake. But divorce is not a way out of the situation, but I no longer see any other way out of this situation. How to get your mother-in-law away from her husband?

HOW TO GET YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND? LET'S LOOK INTO CHILDHOOD...

Such strange relationships are possible only between a skin-visual (or with a bright skin-visual ligament) mother and an anal-visual son. The fact is that skin-visual women lack maternal instinct: very often they create a very strong emotional connection with their child, similar to the connection between a man and a woman. She is jealous of him, just as a woman is jealous of her man, and constantly calls him: “Where are you? How are you I feel bad without you!

Anal-visual boys deserve a separate topic of conversation about how to get a mother-in-law away from her husband.

Obedient, flexible. For them, mother is the most important word in the world. The most sacred, the most beloved. The relationship with the mother is great importance for a child with an anal vector and largely determine future relationships with women. Lack of care and attention on the part of the mother can become the root of serious resentment and the cause of unsuccessful relationships in the future. But overprotection and the suffocating love of a mother are also destructive for such a child.
Often it is the skin-visual mother who grows up with a son with a “good boy” complex. Praise, which is very important for any person with an anal vector, becomes a means of manipulation for his mother. An anal-visual child who really wants to be loved can become dependent on praise and approval if he goes too far all the time. His entire meaning in life begins to boil down to the desire to be good (and good, first of all, for his mother). He is afraid of doing something wrong, afraid of what may cause disapproval from others, afraid of refusing people, of saying “no”. Such a person is easy to “use” for his own selfish interests.

HOW TO GET YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND? THERE WAS A SON, BECAME... A HUSBAND

A mother’s skin-visual perception often becomes the determining factor in how her “golden boy” behaves. The boys invite you to go for a walk, but your mother is against it? I'll stay at home. I want to go to another city to get an education, but my mother is clutching her heart? I will not go. Mom doesn't like my girlfriend? This means that something is really wrong. Anal-visual boys do not like to upset their mother: moreover, they are subconsciously afraid that if they do not behave as their mother expects of them, they will not be loved.

A not very developed skin-visual mother, who has created a very strong emotional connection with her son, often tries to eliminate everything possible threats breaking this connection: be it friends or a girl. Her son seems to be on a leash next to her until his old age. Any attempts to “break away from mother’s skirt” are accompanied by a one-man show and emotional blackmail. “Friends are more important to you than your mother,” “Go, son, your happiness is more important... oh... my heart ached,” “You will leave and forget about your old mother. At least come to the grave.”

How can I get my mother-in-law away from her husband? After all, the skin-visual mother hits the sickest, constantly presses on pity and plays on the feeling of guilt. To all this is added an innate theatrical talent, and... as soon as the son “gets out of hand” and tries to act on his own, fainting, heart problems, tears and lamentations begin, with the obligatory prediction of his imminent death.

It often happens that an anal-visual son still marries (despite all the mother’s tears). And everything seems to be fine, but this same mother-in-law is constantly interfering with the relationship. She doesn’t want to be left alone (fear of the visual vector), so she asks her son and daughter-in-law to live with her. And then it begins... The daughter-in-law becomes an eternal “scapegoat”: she cooks wrong, washes wrong, and does everything wrong. The mother constantly makes herself known, compares herself with her daughter-in-law, shows all the shortcomings of the second. The daughter-in-law is the main enemy for the skin-visual mother-in-law, because she took her son away and became the reason for the weakening of the emotional connection. “Now you don’t need a mother!” - endless reproaches are poured down on the son, who seems to live between two fires. Harmonious relationships turn into a series of squabbles and scandals, the instigator of most of which is the mother-in-law.

HOW TO GET YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND? CHICKEN RUNNAY

The only way to save the relationship is to move into a separate apartment. But the skin-visual mother-in-law will not just let her “precious boy” go, because for her this means a complete severance of the emotional connection. Constant calls, crying, health complaints, requests to come back... And our golden boy will suffer again and again and burn with guilt, try to move back to his mother.

Then what should we do? Is it really not possible to make sure that “the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe”? There is, of course, the first step to solving the problem - realizing the reason for such a relationship between a mother and her son. After all, if the husband understands that he is being manipulated, he will stop reacting to emotional blackmail from his mother. How to get your mother-in-law away from her husband? - help her understand herself!

It is best to help your mother-in-law understand the reasons for her behavior: for example, give her the opportunity to undergo training on System-vector psychology. Because in this situation there are no right and wrong, there are no victims and villains: there are simply people who, due to certain circumstances, got confused, chose the wrong solution to the problem, which led to certain consequences.

How to get your mother-in-law away from her husband? There are no unsolvable situations. The step to solving any problem is the same: know yourself and others.

Good afternoon I ask you to help, my problem is the following - my mother-in-law does not want to let her son go, although the conditions for separation have all been created. I am married to the youngest son in the family. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, we have two children. We live in perfect harmony, we love each other very much! My mother-in-law is a divorced woman, she and her father-in-law live separately! My husband bought her a separate house - but now she doesn’t want to live there, she’s trying to get closer to us. In addition, she constantly drags her relatives to us - either to visit us, or to live temporarily, etc. We have an apartment in the city, there is enough space, but we want to live separately, the children are growing up, we have our own vision of their upbringing! But the mother-in-law is trying to get in everywhere, including in matters of their upbringing! If I try to resist and express my disagreement, everything immediately results in conflict! My mother-in-law is a psychologically unstable person! after divorcing your husband, consider yourself the most unhappy and lost woman. Each time she strives to demonstrate to those around her that her children, allegedly under the influence of their wives, have turned away from her and condemn her. although not a word of reproach was uttered! I immediately told my husband that we have no right to judge her. What to do help! we want to live our own lives, but we constantly have to adapt to someone else! What is the easiest way to solve this problem! Help_ otherwise I’m running out of strength...

Received 6 tips - consultations from psychologists, to the question: Mother-in-law does not want to let her son go

Hello, Gulya. It's really hard when someone constantly invades your life. When you feel like an adult, and they tell you how and what to do. Hard. Gulya, there is no clear answer to your question. There is no advice that would change your life in an instant. But you can still gradually change yourself over and over again. And thereby change your environment. First, Gulya, change your speech. Try to say "I" messages. What it is? You can say: You're driving me crazy. Or you can: I'm upset. Or: You never keep your promises. Or you could say: I feel upset when you forget to do something. I suggest you reconsider your speech. And try to introduce more I-messages into it. When you address your mother-in-law, husband, uninvited guests. When you see an alarmed mother-in-law in front of you, who is saying who knows what, try telling her: I see you are upset about something? worried? upset? Can I help you? On the contrary, you can be taken aback, say something that she is not expecting at all: Hello! You look so wonderful today! I'm glad to see you! It is quite possible that you have already used something similar. May be. Gulya, I would still advise you to visit a psychologist in person. Still, real work with a psychologist is more productive. Of the psychologists in Almaty, I would recommend Viktor Vladimirovich Marchenko. It is on this site. Visit a psychologist in person. In full-time work, you will understand yourself better, you will understand how to change yourself.

Sincerely, T.Sh.

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The easiest way to solve your problem is... - a miracle.

But in reality it is decided by the desires of you and your husband to live your own life and your own boundaries.

Why it is difficult for you to do THIS is another question.

And so - conversations.

The conversations are correct, but leading nowhere.

Come - we'll work.

G. Idrisov.

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GULYA!

I really understand you! My home is my castle! - Old people say! Moreover, a family is like another state - with its own laws, rules and borders! -Your dissatisfaction is understandable - everything is constantly being disrupted! Try to gradually distance your mother-in-law from your family - send her to a sanatorium more often, where she will find enough companionship. - She most likely misses him. On the other hand, this attention and care will probably calm her down. Strengthen your boundaries - by asking guests how long they will stay and how long you can accept them, and maybe refuse them - by finding an excuse and not feeling guilty. - YOU defend your boundaries. - Agree with your husband - it will be easier together.

I wish you success! Well, if something doesn’t work out, come to the reception!!

With uv. OLGA V,

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Well done, it’s not easy to be in such a situation. It is very correct that you do not nag your husband about his mother. If you don't want to ruin your relationship with him, never criticize his mother. But your mother-in-law is a living person, not a thing - you just can’t get rid of her. Therefore, if you want to save your family, you will have to put up with the situation and build relationships with your sister-in-law. You are the same, someday you will become someone’s mother-in-law.

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Hello, Gulya!

Your mother-in-law, of course, has a lot of problems psychological nature, she doesn’t have her own life, her own goals and her own meanings in life, so she strives to join all this, because your family has it all. She deserves a lot of sympathy, in my opinion. But this does not give her the right to interfere in the life of your family. And, in my opinion, there is only one way out: clearly and clearly define the boundaries of your family and not allow your mother-in-law to violate them. This does not at all mean disrespect for her or aggression towards her, especially since you, in my opinion, are quite capable of maintaining a position that is respectful and does not violate her boundaries. You just need to strengthen yourself in this position and not give it up, although the mother-in-law will try to push through these boundaries through pity for her, the unfortunate one, and in other, harsher ways. The main thing here is to maintain a non-aggressive position, i.e. do not violate its boundaries, do not evaluate it, do not criticize it, do not draw conclusions about it, but express your position only through “I-statements.” Then she will not have a reason to be aggressive towards you, but will need to somehow react to your feelings about her behavior. In my opinion, this is the most effective and safest position. All the best, Elena.

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Hello, Gulya! I respect your desire to maintain your relationship with your mother-in-law. It's really not easy. If you succumb to its pressure, then your self-esteem and well-being suffer. If you try to stand your ground, then conflict occurs. I would recommend that you slowly, step by step, build your strategy for dealing with her. On the one hand, a respectful attitude, on the other hand, not allowing you to “overstep” your interests. Not everything will work out right away, but if you want it is possible. The main thing is to convey to your mother-in-law in a gentle manner that you respect her, but you have your own needs and look for common ground. Everyone will benefit from this. Good luck and patience to you on this difficult journey! If you find it difficult to set boundaries on your own, consult a psychologist.

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Songs are written, films are made, and plays are staged about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Thousands of new families are created every day. And almost every family has the same problems: “unbearable mother-in-law.”

Notice they don’t say “unbearable daughter-in-law.” Because the well-being of the family hearth is in the hands of the daughter-in-law. It depends on the daughter-in-law how her relationship with her mother-in-law will develop. The main thing in all this is not to start a conflict from the first day of acquaintance. To avoid this, we wrote this article especially for you. So, how to mend a damaged relationship with your mother-in-law?

2 main rules for a daughter-in-law:

1. First What a daughter-in-law needs to understand in a relationship with a “difficult mother-in-law” is that the mother-in-law is not fighting with her, but for the place that the daughter-in-law now occupies in her son’s heart. Previously mom was the main woman in his heart, now his wife. There is no need to try to replace your husband’s mother, take your place in his life, the place of a wife.

2. Second, don’t forget, constant complaints to your husband about your mother-in-law, her words and behavior negatively affect your relationship with him, but not his relationship with his mother. If you can improve your relationship with your mother-in-law, you will see your husband breathe a sigh of relief (maybe he will even tell you about it). After all, he is also a person and it was hard for him too all this time that you were fighting.

The main misconception of daughters-in-law is that we all believe that now all the attention and love of our husband is devoted only to us, and mother is a thing of the past. The son has grown up and now he has new woman in life. ALWAYS put yourself in your mother-in-law's shoes! After all, it was this woman who raised the man you fell in love with and married.

Golden mother-in-law

1. If you live in different apartments . Of course, living in the same territory will have the most unfavorable effect on your relationship with your mother-in-law. This has been tested repeatedly by the experience of many families. Well, what can you do, because sometimes a young family has nowhere else to go except to the parental home.

With rare exceptions, living in the same apartment, you will live together. Because there are at least 2 housewives in the kitchen, different food preferences, and their own cleaning schedules.

Agree, sometimes after 6 days of work you want to come home and relax a little, put your feet up on the sofa, and watch a couple of episodes of your favorite TV series, and put off cleaning until Sunday morning. But your mother-in-law may not appreciate such behavior and consider you a slob, a lazy person, etc.

1. She still has children. You will undoubtedly be lucky if your husband is not the only child of his mother. And it would be even better if he had a sister. Then his mother will be more tolerant and restrained, since she is both mother-in-law and mother-in-law.
2. If your mother-in-law is a mega busy person. She has her own business or is always passionate about her favorite activities. In this case, she simply will not have time to think about making comments to you. She will most likely bore you with her stories about hobbies or work, but not with the fact that Olezhik has a dirty shirt or that you are swaddling her grandson incorrectly.

If you have such a mother-in-law, then congratulations. You are very lucky! Further information in the article is not for you, but for those who have not a mother-in-law, but a monster.

There may be difficulties if:

1. You and your husband live in the same apartment with your mother-in-law.
2. Your husband is the only child in the family.
3. Your husband is a late and long-awaited child.
4. His mother raised him alone, working 3 jobs.
5. My mother-in-law is retired and has no interests or hobbies.

From the first time you meet, find out from your mother-in-law how she wants you to call her: by her first name, patronymic (most priority), “mom,” or simply Lena, as well as “you” or “you.” For some mothers, this may be a fundamental issue.

How to live with your mother-in-law

1. Politeness kills on the spot. Do not be fooled by provocations, always be polite and tactful.

2. Find common interests. Yes, sometimes this can be difficult to do because of the difference in age, life principles, etc. But it’s worth a try! Maybe your mother-in-law does not accept being treated like a person from the last century. Maybe she strives to be on par with young people: she loves shopping, watching modern sitcoms, going to training or doing yoga, etc. Invite her to the theater, go shopping or to the spa together. After all, she is also a woman and nothing feminine is alien to her.

3. Under no circumstances complain to your husband about your mother-in-law! It is difficult for him to take sides. Even if she was a bad mother and her relationship with her son was not always ideal, he will still love her, just as your child loves you. He will try to remain neutral, but in the end he will not stand it, and this will affect your relationship with him, and not his relationship with his mother.

Even if the husband himself does not speak flatteringly about his mother, most often he does not allow other people to do this, even his beloved wife.

It is even more dangerous to put your husband before a choice: either me or your mother. One woman raised him for 30 years, poured her soul into it, and he loves the other with all his soul. A man can have many wives, but only one mother. This is only your war with her, and the main weapon in it is your cunning!

In my friend’s family, the mother could not calm down that her son was taken away by SOMEONE. She went to great lengths: she faked migraines, fainting spells, seizures, in general, she did everything so that her son would gallop home. And what?! Ultimately, this respectable uncle, successful in his profession, returned to his mother’s wing, and the relationship broke down.

Even if you rarely communicate with your mother-in-law, still call her and ask about her affairs. Tell your news briefly, ask her more.

Remember the main rule: everyone loves talking about themselves!

Invite her to lunch or for a walk, of course she is unlikely to agree, but you can safely tell your husband that you are calling his mother, are interested in her affairs, and are inviting her to visit. And the next time she complains to her son about how ungrateful and generally a bitch you are, her husband will understand that this is not so, because you were the first to make contact. 1:0 in your favor!

4. Mothers-in-law, whose golden boy was “torn from her breast,” find it very difficult to bear when they are no longer needed by their now adult son. And then some girl tied him up. Therefore, the main disarming effect in this situation will be that you show her that she is not abandoned and is not indifferent to you. Call her yourself: on your birthday, before your arrival, or just to get advice on what to buy your father-in-law for his anniversary. It costs you nothing, but it pleases her.

5. Don't build a coalition with the husband's sister or the husband's brother's wife, against the obnoxious mother-in-law. The situation here is unstable and may turn against you. Of course, you can, occasionally, discuss Elena Pavlovna’s stories, but don’t build joint plans ignoring or retaliating.

6. Praise your mother-in-law and/or her son more often. It seems that you have nothing to thank her for, because you can’t find such a shrew! Let your praise be even for small things, for example, “it’s probably thanks to Olezhik’s mother that she cooks pilaf so deliciously” or “if it weren’t for Elena Pavlovna, I wouldn’t have realized that I needed to take a spare suit for my son on the road.” Even if it’s hard for you to say all this. Gritting your teeth, smile at her, praise her. In the end, this will make you feel better that you haven’t ruined your mood again.

7. Compliment your mother-in-law more often. Even if here it seems to you that she did not deserve compliments for her boorish behavior. This will discourage her. The more often you practice this, the faster you will learn to compliment her naturally, and as a result you will get good attitude to you and approval of your relationship.

You can compliment her salad or the delicious tea she treated you to last time, or how beautiful her hair looked at the wedding, how did she achieve that hair color?! In general, think! This is your weapon in the program of strengthening family relationships.

Even if the relationship has already deteriorated initial stage, it’s never too late to pull yourself together, grit your teeth, forget your principles for 5 minutes, call and ask your mother-in-law “where she bought that coffee,” even if you hate coffee.

8. Don't complain about your mother-in-law's husband. Thus, you convey to her the information “you raised a worthless man.”

9. Don’t involve children in conflict. Children are children. It's not their fault that you are fighting with their grandmother. And even more so, they don’t understand why they should communicate with her less. Even if the relationship is unbearable, do not prohibit children from communicating with their grandmother. In addition, the mother-in-law will be pleased if her grandson comes to her and says that he drew this drawing for her, and his mother helped him (of course, if there is no devil on wheels).

10. But you don’t need to be too frank with your mother-in-law.. If the relationship goes bad, all knowledge about you will turn against you and will be used by your mother-in-law on the battlefield.

11. Be wise, tolerant, cunning and learn to compromise. Help your mother-in-law with anything, for example, take her home from the hospital or help her with seedlings in the country. Good deeds lift your spirits, and besides, you may need her help someday. But there is no need to sacrifice your interests either. Learn to tactfully and politely refuse if you really don't feel comfortable helping her at the moment.

12. Avoid getting personal and conflict situations generally. Grit your teeth, assent, agree that you are a worthless woman, this will discourage your mother-in-law. She simply will not continue the argument, as she will be disarmed.

13. Do not under any circumstances interfere with your husband’s communication with his mother.. Don't dictate to him when and how much he should communicate with her. Remember: mom is mom. Parents are not chosen.

By accepting your husband, you accept his entire family: mom, dad, grandmother, brothers, etc.

Golden rules that will help you improve your relationship with your mother-in-law.

What should I do if I don’t want to communicate with my mother-in-law? More on this in the next video!