How often, when we come to work, we are visited by thoughts about the upcoming day being a day off. We begin to make a grandiose plan, how much we would be able to accomplish, and would still have time to go for a walk with the children. Saturday and Sunday fly by almost unnoticed, so we don't have time to do a lot. Most people dream of not going to work at all, then they would always get everything done on time.

Each of us is always dissatisfied with something, always wants to have the best and as much as possible. Brunettes consider blondes or brown-haired women much more beautiful and smarter, and they, in turn, do the opposite. The poor are always jealous of the wealth of the wealthy and successful people, and the famous want to live at least for a while ordinary life. We are often dissatisfied with our work, bosses, and earnings.

As soon as we find ourselves without work, we have a lot of free time, but we already begin to think about what to do with this freedom. Even the weather doesn’t suit us all the time. When it's too hot, we want it to rain, but when the sky is overcast with rain clouds, we want the bright sun to appear, and so on ad infinitum.

One woman always dreamed of quitting her job as a teacher and staying at home, since she always did not have enough time for family concerns, her husband and children. Finally her dream came true, she was happy. ABOUT new job she didn't think and enjoyed her freedom. Several months passed and everything became routine, just like when working at school. But the trouble is, then she received a salary, but now she doesn’t, and now everything is wrong for her again.

Another woman was always looking for happiness, although it was always near her. Big and beautiful house, loving and kind husband, successful children. But she did not find happiness in them, since someone had something better or more. As a result, her husband left her, and she found her peace with a glass of vodka.

What prevents many of us from enjoying and enjoying life?

1. We have no set life goals.
2. We often compare ourselves to others and feel sorry for ourselves.
3. Negative thoughts visit us all the time.
4. We do not know how to rejoice and notice happy moments.
5. We dream a lot, but do nothing to achieve our desires.

There is one interesting film "Pollyanna". It tells the story of one girl. She plays a wonderful game called Find the Good. The girl looks for the positive in any situation and is happy with what she has, even the smallest little thing. She doesn't see the evil around her at all. The girl fills everything around with her happiness and laughter, and even the most gloomy people begin to rejoice with her. Many of us should take an example from this young beauty.

Every person needs to understand why he lives, set himself specific goals, set your priorities correctly. You need to understand why you took this job and not another. Don’t get upset over various trifles that mean absolutely nothing.

Media influence

How we feel about ourselves depends largely on our environment. And most of all, we are influenced by the media and the content we consume.

Once we stop thinking that there is something wrong with us, we will begin to notice what is happening around us and understand how advertising works. She bombards us with images of the “ideal” so that we always want to buy more and more.

We are made to think that now we are not good enough, but if we buy this or that product... Only when we buy it, everything repeats itself again. And we try again and again to change ourselves in order to finally correspond to the ideal imposed on us.

Childhood experience

Of course, it's not just the media. We are also influenced by the lessons we learn in . Here's what psychologist Karyl McBride, who specializes in working with children from disadvantaged families, says about this.

Take, for example, families in which one of the parents suffers from alcohol addiction. The child does not understand why the parent sometimes deals with him and sometimes ignores him. In a family where one of the parents suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, the child does not understand that such a parent is not able to show empathy or love. In families with domestic violence, the child does not understand why adults do such terrible things. The child tries to solve the problems of adults in order to achieve his goal main goal- receive love and care. Of course, this happens unconsciously, but this behavior can manifest itself at a very early age.

Caryl McBride

We continue to think this way into adulthood, allowing external factors influence our . When we see that things are going wrong, we look for ways to improve the situation.

If someone treats us badly, we immediately assume that there is something wrong with us. We cannot control what people think about us, so we begin to change something in our behavior: the way we dress, talk, laugh. And then we tell ourselves: “Since this person’s opinion has not changed, then the problem is with me.”

We are faced with a problem and instead of understanding its cause and somehow solving the situation, we try to change ourselves. In the end, this behavior only causes harm. Because sooner or later it begins to seem to us that we will never change, we will never become “correct”.

How to deal with it

You need to change your approach. Tell yourself: “I am not inferior to others, I am good enough. I can always develop and become even better.”

Let this attitude towards yourself become your new natural reaction to the world. Of course, to believe this, you will need to take concrete measures. It's not enough to just say you believe it. You need to get this into your head.

1. Think about someone you admire, and then ask yourself what that person would appreciate about you.

This is very . Think about the people you admire and respect, those you would like to emulate, and try to find some traits in yourself that they would admire. You don't need any great achievements to do this. The main thing is to stop considering yourself inferior.

2. Treat yourself no worse than you would treat your employees.

Stop being hard on yourself. If you treated your subordinates in the same way, they would not only quit, but they would also sue you. Much of what we say to ourselves, we would never say to another person. So stop doing that.

Ask yourself: “Would I say this to someone else?” This great way evaluate how you feel about yourself.

3. Don't engage in self-criticism

This is especially important. Even if you do deserve criticism, beating yourself up will only make you angrier at yourself. Admit that you made a mistake. Accept it and move on.

If you believe that you are good enough, then no matter what the media or others tell you, you will put in the effort and be able to achieve your goals. But if you are convinced that you are not up to par with others in some way, then you have given up before you even get down to business.

- Tell me, why does it happen that every year many people begin to show more and more dissatisfaction with themselves and the world? Why do they stop enjoying every day and giving thanks for everything they have been given in life? Why do they “scatter” loved ones, be it husband or wife, friends or good acquaintances? Why do they give up halfway through what they have been pursuing for many years and say after that that life has treated them unfairly? And they simply stop appreciating what they once dreamed of, but now it has appeared in their life?

Where does this dissatisfaction with the world and inability to value one’s life come from in a person?

- Don't know. After all, it is impossible to give one recipe for all situations, since each person has his own life, his own destiny, his own life conditions, your level inner strength and your stage of development. And what is right for one may be wrong for another. We can say that “a person has stopped enjoying life and being grateful for it,” but in fact, it is at this moment that he is going through a difficult period of life, and it’s also good that he is at least somehow trying to solve his problems, to get out, so as not to drown in bitterness and pain. After all, we will never be able to truly understand and feel what exactly other people are experiencing. So it turns out that it seems to you that a person is dissatisfied with something, but in fact he has simply withdrawn, gone inside himself, asking himself questions: “why, why did this happen and what can I do to correct the situation.” And it seems to you that he has stopped enjoying and appreciating life.

Maybe, of course, he is not happy now as much as children are happy. But you understand, children live with their parents, they essentially don’t have the same problems that adults have, they don’t think about where to earn money for food, how to solve the housing problem, how to resolve problems with relatives, and so on. And the older a person gets, the further he moves away from his parents, the more he begins to have, even if not problems, but life challenges. And if a person does not begin to solve them in a timely manner, all these tasks accumulate, push against each other and, sooner or later, can fall on the person at once. And then he clearly has no time for the joy of life and no time for the positivity that you are now radiating simply because of your age and the fact that you have not yet really encountered real life.

- Okay, I agree with you, indeed, maybe something serious happened to a person, and now I expect from him the same reaction and behavior as a year ago, or even yesterday. Okay, this happens, but what about those people who simply remain dissatisfied with everything from year to year and constantly grumble about life and everything that happens in it?

- You know, be more careful here, because not all people show dissatisfaction, for some it is simply a defensive reaction, for others they are simply afraid of jinxing something in their life and therefore are not very frank with others about what they think they have. Basically, everything is fine. And that’s right, why brag so much about your successes? For example, why are you doing this? Perhaps you lack self-esteem and self-confidence, and you constantly need confirmation of your need for this world and your success. Perhaps you are constantly trying to prove something to someone and so on. Okay, we’ll talk about this another time, or you can read the articles on the website “ Sunny Hands" in the section about self-confidence.

So, the same people who, as you say, are constantly “dissatisfied with everything and everyone”, they are not dissatisfied with everything and everyone, they are dissatisfied first of all with themselves.

Look how often this happens? As children and teenagers, we all have great dreams and expectations for ourselves and for life. And we also have some kind of indelible faith that we will definitely realize all our desires. Someone dreams of becoming a millionaire, someone dreams of becoming a famous inventor, someone dreams of discovering new lands, and now planets, someone dreams of becoming famous on stage and in films, someone wants to work in the most fashionable and famous companies and so on and so forth. In general, dreams are good and kind, and usually a person has a talent for what he dreams about. But here comes the main point, so that dreams do not turn into inflated expectations from yourself and from life.

After all, it often happens that at that age when all these desires are seething within us, we still don’t know what it is. real life. We do not know the realities and how to achieve success and how to realize our plans. It often seems to a person that he is talented and promising, and knows everything, can do everything, so what is there to think, hire me quickly, let me invent something like that and surprise the world, let me play the best role, put me as the boss and I will lead your company to super profits, etc.

Often a person’s dreams turn into expectations of something from life. It’s as if he is drawing up a plan for his life, this is good on the one hand, but the main thing is that this plan is real and achievable. The main thing is that you don’t overestimate yourself at this moment.

- Wait. What is the difference between dreams and expectations? Isn't this the same thing?

- No, it's not the same thing. On our website “Sunny Hands” the site is in the section “The Power of Thought. Fulfillment of desires" yes good articles about what dreams are and how to realize them. But often a person’s dreams, unbeknownst to him, transform into expectations of something specific from himself, from life, from the people around him, from employers, from friends and relatives, and so on. And this is where the first problems begin to arise.

For example, a person doesn’t just dream “it would be great to learn how to dance,” but then starts going to a dance club, learns little by little, and after a year or two dances well. This is a dream, plus action, plus the absence of expectations of anything specific. Such a dream comes true, and the person is quite pleased with himself and the fact that he finally began to dance. He walks around, dances and gets real pleasure and satisfaction from dancing.

Now let’s take the same situation, but imagine that a person began to not only dream and do something, for example, he went dancing and began to gradually increase physical activity, learn new movements and so on. No, plus he began to set himself specific, but at the same time inflated goals and expectations from himself. And I began to think that they would definitely come true, and if they didn’t come true, then I “mean nothing, I can’t do anything, and my whole life doesn’t matter.” Here oh. It's good if everything works out as he expects. Then he will be pleased with himself and his successes. What if it doesn't work out? What if something goes wrong? So a person begins to feel dissatisfied with himself and his achievements, even the greatest ones, because he expected something else.

Or here's another example. A young specialist comes to work. He still can’t do anything, doesn’t know anything, but in his thoughts he already sees himself as at least the head of a department, or even a director. It seems to him that “everyone around does not understand anything, but now he will do something like this, create something, and then everyone will know about him.” But, as a rule, it takes at least a year, or even two, to master a new specialty at the proper level. And our person expects from himself that tomorrow he will figure everything out, and in a week he will produce results at the professional level. But as you understand, this doesn’t happen in life. Everything takes time. And so that the child grows up. And so that the plant you planted sprouts and begins to bear fruit. And so that you become something in life. For everything you need to go through several stages and stages of development. And if a person tries to skip over several stages, begins to “break through the wall,” and after a while he realizes that he is not succeeding, this is where thoughts arise about how “life is unfair, and I am nothing of myself.” " Well, with such thoughts, as you understand, discontent comes.

- It turns out so simple! You just have to dream, do something towards your dream, enjoy the process, but at the same time lower your expectations, and the dissatisfaction will pass.

— Essentially, yes. And not even lower, but generally try to get rid of expectations. After all, you probably had situations when you didn’t expect any events, but suddenly something happened, for example, you were given a bonus at work, and then you walked around for several days and were happy?

- Yes, sure. This happened several times. It happens that you dream about something and let go of this dream, forget about it altogether, not to mention your expectations. And then this dream unexpectedly comes true. This is so cool, so nice!

- Well, that's what you're saying now. Imagine if you had already concretely imagined how and what would happen. And even if it did happen, but something did not go as expected, you would be upset and left dissatisfied with this event.

- That's for sure, when I get my mind set on something specific, and then it breaks down, I worry for a long time. Although then it always, you know, it always, always turned out that it was even for the better that everything fell through. But then I was worried and upset and was even dissatisfied with life.

- Well, you see, in essence it is so. By getting rid of expectations, we get rid of most of the dissatisfaction.

- Yes, there is something to think about, otherwise I’m in Lately I often began to show dissatisfaction with myself and what was happening in my life. And now I understand that, in essence, I am not unhappy with what is happening, but because what is happening does not meet my expectations.

- That's for sure. So dream, do, enjoy what is happening, but don’t build expectations and you won’t be disappointed. All the best to you.

If you still have questions, you can get advice from the author of the article and books, A. Guy. Conditions

Sincerely, Anastasia Gai.

Hello dear readers!

Question from Leo: what to do with constant dissatisfaction? I noticed that in my family, it somehow happened that everyone was dissatisfied with everything. Although, I think so, it’s a sin for us to complain, and we have money and some kind of luck. But all the same, my whole life is already in a state of discontent, out of habit. And, honestly, no joy at all from life! Where does this dissatisfaction with everything and everyone come from? And is it possible to do something about it?

That’s right, chronic dissatisfaction with oneself and fate makes a person deeply unhappy, pretentious, unable to experience joy and see something good in this life. And if a person does not see the good, does not appreciate what fate has already given him, he has nothing to experience. He simply loses this ability.

Dissatisfaction - where does it come from? Discontent

- this is not the ability to appreciate what is given to a person by Fate, what is given by the Higher Powers according to fate and chronic ingratitude (a pig's snout instead of a nose). Often dissatisfaction begins to grow precisely because, when subconsciously or consciously a person gives himself the right to evaluate activities Higher Powers

, God, Fate in relation to oneself, and begins to judge God and everything around from above: “I am dissatisfied with how God helps me, what He gives or does not give me,” “I am dissatisfied with the way God created me,” “ I am dissatisfied with how God organized life on Earth, what destiny he gave me, how He teaches me, etc.”

All this is ordinary pride, spiritual laziness (see below in the text) and negative thinking - programs of ingratitude, that no matter how much God gives, it will still not be enough, so He is always wrong and there is nothing to say thank you to Him for.

You need to understand that in such a situation, a person only harms himself, and also those around him because of his grumbling.

Chronic dissatisfaction is, as a rule, dissatisfaction with everything: dissatisfaction with oneself, life, fate, God, the people around you, your superiors, this world, everything.

How to remove dissatisfaction and what to replace it with?

Dissatisfaction - where does it come from? - is replaced by gratitude and satisfaction, which can only appear when a person becomes honest with himself and accepts divine justice.

Satisfaction and joy are revealed from fair recognition and acceptance of the value of what God gives by fate, and from the ability to receive pleasure from creativity and the process of creating something. Not when everything ready-made is given, but when a person creates and creates a lot himself (but with the help of Higher Powers), when both his soul and his body work creatively.

Also, it is important to reveal in your heart gratitude for what you already have, for what has already been given to you: that you are a person, and not a worm or a monkey, that you have an immortal Soul with great potential, that you can learn, understand, gain knowledge, and you can change a lot in life, achieve, for many others. etc.

Form the necessary qualities and feelings according to the following items:

What to work on to remove internal dissatisfaction and grumbling:

A subconscious desire for God to give everything just like that, not deservedly. And when God and Fate simply don’t give it, then there is dissatisfaction with life, fate, and God. It is necessary to remove dissatisfaction with God and life: aggression and the claim that fate does not fulfill your desires.

God is not gold fish and it is not His purpose to fulfill all the desires of people, this is not His function. He creates Laws, and he helps people according to the Law, so that people develop, learn, become stronger, wiser, more perfect, kinder, etc. And man himself is responsible for his own destiny and the fulfillment of his desires. The person himself is always responsible for his condition, whether it is joy or suffering. God teaches and helps those who want to learn, and educates the obstinate)))

If a person has dissatisfaction inside him, it is essentially a reluctance to move forward with his own feet, but a desire for God to carry you in his arms, for fate itself to put everything delicious in your mouth and ward off troubles. This is spiritual laziness and a subconscious lack of desire to develop, change oneself for the better, solve problems, become stronger and wiser.

It is important to stop trying to use God and other people to fulfill your desires, it still won’t work. And if you try to use others, in the end they will definitely use you, so much so that it won’t seem enough.

In terms of your life role, it is important to understand the following: in relation to God, you are not a commander or a judge, but a grateful student, a son or daughter of God, a student, and whether you are happy or not will depend on how good a student you are of God and Life.

As an example of how to work on yourself, I give written practical assignments:

1. Write a prayer of gratitude to God: Gratitude to God for not giving everything away for free, but for teaching and helping so that a person deserves everything fairly, becomes stronger, wiser, etc. Because God gives not anyhow, but according to justice, according to the Law... Continue on your own.

Only then does a person appreciate what Fate gives him. Then he can respect himself for his achievements. Only this gives true inner Dignity.

2. Write a prayer of repentance for dissatisfaction with yourself, life, fate: Heavenly Father forgive me for constant dissatisfaction, claims, pride. I replace dissatisfaction with gratitude, with joy, with the desire to deserve it fairly, to create it myself with God’s help, and not to receive it for free. I don’t need anything undeserved, etc... Continue on your own.

3. Old good essay“My joy and gratitude are constantly growing!”: I need a lot of joy - from victories, from development, from the process of freeing my soul from problems, from communicating with people, from my own growth, etc. List everything you value, everything you want to experience joy from.

And to work through dissatisfaction with yourself, see the section.

There will be questions - ! You can also contact me for individual work for these and others psychological problems, and questions of fate.