To achieve success in life, it is important to believe in yourself and not be afraid of difficulties. How to become self-confident? What does it take to develop this valuable quality? Let's try to understand and find the answer.
Psychologists say that self-confidence is a person's belief that he:
- able to cope with life situations;
- can find a way out of any predicament;
- knows how to pacify the fears and doubts that rage in the soul.
Many people think about how to become bolder and more self-confident, as they understand that shyness greatly complicates life, prevents career advancement and communication with the opposite sex.
Looking at successful people, it immediately becomes clear that they know what they want, easily overcome life's obstacles and achieve heights in any business. It often seems that confidence is an innate feeling that only a select few have. But this is not true. Such behavior is the result of self-improvement. The difference is that some people need to work more on themselves, while others need less.
The first rule of how to become more confident in yourself is to believe in yourself. But this requires a foundation. Try to develop in yourself a few useful qualities that are characteristic of confident people.
- Do not feel sorry for yourself, this is inherent only to weak, insecure people.
- Learn to respect yourself. Each person is unique, inimitable and has all sorts of talents. Challenge yourself to find the qualities and actions you deserve to be respected for, and cultivate that feeling.
- Always maintain a flawless appearance and smile often. It is much easier to show a strong character and self-confidence if the clothes, makeup and hair are in perfect order. People around you feel positive energy and pay attention to it. It raises self-esteem and gives self-confidence.
- Try to fulfill yourself. You need to find an occupation that brings satisfaction and joy. Favorite hobby helps to stand out from the general mass of people and achieve self-realization.
- It turns out to cut beautiful dresses, knit, embroider? Your work will be admired, and this will increase self-confidence. You can blog, organize a shelter for homeless animals, play sports. People will definitely appreciate the achievements, and this will help to raise self-esteem.
The main thing - do not be afraid to start a new life, change the stereotypes of behavior. Stop putting up with the supporting role, and every day will sparkle with bright colors. It's difficult, but possible. Look back and count how many opportunities you missed, how many things you left unfinished, how many meetings you were afraid to go to because of self-doubt. It's never too late to stop being shy. It is always possible to muster up the courage and develop a sense of self-confidence that will help you earn the respect of others, become brave and live a fulfilling life.
Step-by-step instruction
This information is often revealed by books on psychology, and how to become self-confident they tell especially carefully. Many tips bring real benefits and help in working on yourself. For any recommendations to work, it is important to set a goal and not deviate from it. This is how people become confident.
- Record your progress
It may seem strange to some, but the method really works. Small successes are difficult to keep in mind, a person is embarrassed to talk about them, so he quickly forgets.
Buy an ordinary notebook and in the evenings write down in it the achievements that you managed to achieve during the day. They don't have to be huge. It can be a new hairstyle, a successful purchase in a store, a successful project at work, a new acquaintance.
Periodically re-read a kind of diary to remind yourself of your successes. It gives confidence on a subconscious level. Gradually, you will notice that there are more and more achievements. At one point, you will realize that you have become a more confident person.
- Fight your fears
To achieve what you want, you have to overcome obstacles. Babies can't learn to walk until they fall a few times and hit a few bumps. An athlete will not become an Olympic medalist without sprains and injuries. To gain self-confidence, you must constantly do the things that you fear.
Afraid to talk to a guy or smile at him - do it. It is difficult to read a speech in front of a large audience - overpower yourself and read it. It's scary to stand out from the gray mass of people - take a chance and stand out.
This will help you find a way to stop being ashamed of yourself and become confident. It will take patience, as it is difficult to overcome fear. But each new achievement will fill you with confidence. You will quickly notice that shyness and discomfort disappear, you become calmer and more courageous.
- No comparison
Self-confidence often crumbles to dust when a person begins to compare himself with other people. Under no circumstances should this be done. You immediately lower your self-esteem. If a girl meets an interesting guy and looks stylish and well-groomed, this does not mean that she is a fatal beauty and better than you. You see only the outer shell and do not know what kind of life this lady actually has, perhaps she doubts herself and her strength in the same way.
People don't look alike. This does not mean that some are worse and others are better. We're just all different.
- Pay no attention to failures
How to become more self-confident, and the advice of a psychologist, and books, and Internet resources are often told. They include an important rule - do not dwell on failures. When something doesn't work out, don't beat yourself up about it. Just analyze the mistakes you made and forget about what happened. If you delve into yourself for a long time, scroll through different scenarios in your head, the next time it will become much more difficult to make an important decision. Everyone has failures. On them, a person learns to achieve success.
- Criticism is not always good
Psychologists have long noticed that children who are often criticized grow up insecure people with low self-esteem, who find it difficult to succeed in life.
As an adult, try to avoid interacting with people who speak badly of you and strongly criticize. Their negative emotions pull down and at times lower self-esteem. If it doesn’t seem to work for you, deep down you still get upset and worried. In such situations, it is better to forget about the trouble and say: "I am becoming calmer, I am confident in myself and in my abilities."
- Change the way you talk
To become more self-confident, it is important to be on an equal footing with other people. Speak clearly, slowly, do not show excitement and fear. Do not be afraid to be active at work, express your opinion, take part in the life of the team.
Develop speech. It is the main communication tool. If it is inconsistent, fix the defects. For example, you can record your voice on a voice recorder, listen and try to correct the shortcomings.
Find like-minded people and communicate with them on topics that interest you. Carried away by the conversation, you will forget about uncertainty, speech will become clear, bright, and over time you will learn to speak like this always.
- Praise yourself
How to become a self-confident person? Praise yourself more often, cheer yourself up. You don’t need to show off to other people; the rules of etiquette do not allow it. Say that you are doing well on your own when you overcome the next obstacle. Think positive. This will help to gain confidence and forget about many complexes.
A self-confident person is given out by an even posture, a sense of humor and an open look. Tell yourself: "Become straight, straighten your shoulders, do not slouch." Keep your back straight all day long and you will feel less stiffness and shyness.
- More jokes, do not hide your sense of humor. Laughter brings people together, allows them to be liberated. This is a good way to become sociable and confident.
- An insecure person tends to avoid looking other people in the eye while talking. If you have such a habit - eradicate it.
- When people doubt that you can do something, do not get upset and do not withdraw. Just demand clear answers as to why they think this way, and explain to yourself that you can definitely do it.
In order for a person to become self-confident, it is important not to look for excuses when you don’t feel like or are afraid to do something. Get rid of this habit and boldly acquire new knowledge, work hard, read, communicate with people, travel. With each new success, self-confidence increases, there is an increased interest in overcoming obstacles in order to achieve greater achievements.
Confidence is a feeling due to which the interaction of the inner world of a person with the external conditions of life takes place. It shows how developed a person's inner feelings are: strength of mind, faith in oneself, in one's ability to solve tasks and find ways out of existing situations.
Confidence is built throughout life. However, this nascent feeling can be both strengthened and destroyed on your own or with the help of people around you. The foundation for the proper development of confidence is laid in childhood.
Childhood years are the basis of adult confidence
When a person is born, his life and health depends on the people around him - his parents. And the future of their baby depends on how they build the process of education.
When the child began to show his first achievements, for example, he took out a toy himself, took his first steps, parents should support and praise him. It is this praise that will give the child self-confidence and lay the foundation for the proper development of a personal quality - confidence. However, so that in the future confidence does not grow into self-confidence, praise should be pronounced in moderation and with achievements that are really important for the child.
If he is praised for any reason, he will cease to realistically assess his strengths and this will lead to the development of self-confidence and pride.
Confidence and self-confidence differ from each other by the presence of a real adequate assessment of one's strengths and achievements.
With the deprivation of praise in childhood, a person develops complexes and self-doubt arises. This can be corrected in adulthood, but it will take a lot of strength and patience.
Adequate self-esteem
The degree of a woman's self-confidence depends on her self-esteem, which can be low, normal or high. Adequate self-esteem allows you to confidently stay in society and live in harmony with yourself and the world around you.
Self-esteem is developed on the basis of human behavior. There are two main patterns of behavior:
With the first model of behavior, a person has more positive in life, he is independent of the opinions of others, more open and confident in his abilities. Self-esteem is formed normal.
In the second case, a person does not fully open up, he is cautious, does not take risks and is looking for constant confirmation of his fears. Self-esteem is low and if behavior does not change, it will not increase.
In order to achieve something in life, one must be able to be self-critical about one's achievements and evaluate them objectively, this is possible only with normal self-esteem.
Causes of self-doubt
The main reasons for self-doubt:
- Ignorance of the "I".
A woman goes through a number of roles during her life: girl, girl, woman, wife, mother, employee, grandmother. And at every stage of life, she identifies herself with the role she performs. She “merges” with the role so much that if a woman is taken away, she will be confused and will not be able to find her “I”.
For example, when identifying with children after they have grown up and no longer need round-the-clock care, a woman loses the meaning of life, which becomes a big blow to her internal mechanisms. If there were goals in life, then with the maturation of children, life will not lose its meaning, only the focus of employment will shift.
- Lack of meaning in life.
The lack of meaning in life causes anxiety and insecurity. The woman does not know "where she is going" and "why she needs it." All actions are accompanied by a lack of positive, desire. While a woman who knows the highest goal of her life is filled with positive, self-confidence and her future.
- Live only with your head.
If a woman succumbed to progress, the latest technologies and began to live only with her “head”, joy disappears from her life. Emotions do not break out, intuition freezes, this can “result” in a woman’s insecurity. When she cannot explain some action from the point of view of science, her built inner world will shake.
- Not knowing your values.
Lack of personal values leads to internal conflict. Without a foundation, a person cannot build his future. He can get lost between the choice: and not understand how you can combine them together and live happily.
It is difficult for an insecure person to refuse other people, he cannot just say “no”, as a result of which his interests fade into the background. The inability to refuse leads to the need to perform various tasks that cause discomfort. The constant feeling of which makes you feel insecure about the possibilities of achieving your goals.
It is difficult for an insecure woman to arrange her personal life and express herself in society: build a career, have healthy relationships with others. The state of uncertainty leads to the fact that a person begins to give in to everyone, infringing on his personal interests, feels insecure about tomorrow, in the future. Own goals are not achieved, because decisions are not made independently, but only on the advice of others. As a result, there is anger at the people around. It is very difficult for a woman with such feelings to arrange a personal life, because men want to see a self-confident person next to them. But not always a woman manages to recognize the signs of self-doubt in time.
Signs of self-doubt
In order not to earn yourself an inferiority complex, you need to listen to yourself and, when you notice alarming bells from the subconscious, immediately apply measures to prevent the aggravation of the condition.
These calls include:
- unreasonable fear of solving tasks;
- feeling of internal discomfort;
- acute reaction to the opinions of others;
- self-affirmation at the expense of the weaker;
- emotional insecurity;
- fear of expressing one's opinion in a group.
If any of the above appears, you must begin to deal with the manifestation of uncertainty.
How to overcome self-doubt
To overcome self-doubt, there are many psychological trainings, but if it is not possible to visit them, you can begin to “remake” yourself. So how do you overcome self-doubt?
Consider the advice of a psychologist that you need to understand and overcome when ridding yourself of insecurity.
- Forget childhood grievances and live in the present.
- Behave in accordance with your inner worldview. Do not pay attention to the opinions of others if it prevents you from getting positive from life.
- Don't expect praise from others. You can start praising yourself.
- Don't compare yourself to others, especially more successful people. You should not envy them, but you need to learn from them the determination to achieve their goals, regardless of the expectations of others. It is better to compare your achievements of today and yesterday.
- Learn to enjoy your failures and take advantage of them. Don't get upset and don't despair.
- Don't focus on defeat.
By setting yourself up in this way, over time you will notice that there are fewer failures, and more pleasure from life!
A woman who is insecure in her abilities will avoid situations where it is necessary to defend her opinion or express it openly. Therefore, to train practical skills, you should create such situations for yourself and try to go through them.
For example:
- go to a stylish clothing store and try on the things you like, while, if the help of the seller is not required, politely but decisively refuse. After that, having bought nothing, calmly leave the store;
- in crowded public transport, ask any man to give you a seat;
- in a cafe or any other public place, approach the man you like and talk to him first.
The implementation of such practical situations will not always be with the desired result. However, you should not be upset, you need to find something positive, “sort out” your behavior and no longer repeat the mistakes made. For example, the tone of voice when addressing someone with a question should not contain pleading notes.
- speak loudly and clearly, but do not shout;
- look into the interlocutor's eyes, sometimes look away, so that it does not seem like aggression;
- do not apologize constantly;
- keep an even posture;
- do not humiliate the interlocutor;
- treat all people with respect.
An insecure woman must learn to act decisively in all life situations. The first achievement of your goals will noticeably raise self-esteem, which will add confidence.
How to become a confident woman
Every woman wants to be paid attention to, listen to her opinion and admire her. To do this, you need to become a strong confident woman, then others simply cannot fail to notice you.
You need to know that changing your image will take time and not small. To become a more confident woman, you need to change your inner state, change your attitude towards others and love yourself.
Before starting the changes, decide what qualities are inherent in confident and strong women in order to develop them in yourself.
Qualities of a confident woman |
|
| 1 | strength of will |
| 2 | |
| 3 | well-defined personal boundaries |
| 4 | internally free and independent |
| 5 | stress tolerance |
| 6 | purposefulness |
| 7 | determination |
| 8 | restraint |
| 9 | education |
| 10 | optimism and positive attitude |
| 11 | sociability |
| 12 | normal self-esteem |
| 13 | constant self-development |
| 14 | knowing your weaknesses |
| 15 | focus on results |
| 16 | emotional control |
After compiling a list of qualities, mark those that are already there, and strive to achieve those that are not. At the same time, you need to be prepared that this will require an investment of time, willpower, you need to set yourself up to get the result. Stop sinning on genes or upbringing, your life is only in your hands! You can become whoever you want and get everything you need for a comfortable existence.
External image of a confident woman
A strong woman can be different, for example, domineering and demanding or soft and unhurried. At the same time, no one undertakes to challenge her opinion or instructions. So, what kind of confident woman is she?
In order for a girl to feel confident in herself, everything must be perfect, not only internally, but also externally.
A strong confident woman should have well-groomed face and body skin, healthy hair, and also have a beautiful manicure, well-applied makeup and well-groomed hands. There should be no stooped posture, obsessive and erratic gestures. A self-confident woman should carry herself with dignity, have an even posture and stylish clothes.
All external components, together with internal qualities, make up the image of a confident and strong girl.
The difference between a confident woman and an insecure one
For clarity, consider the main qualities of a confident and insecure woman, drawn up in a table:
Appearance and internal qualities | Confident woman | Unsure woman |
| Sight | Direct calm | lowered running |
| Posture | flat | drooping |
| Speech | Clear loud | Muffled, with an apologetic intonation |
| External image | Neat, stylish | Plain, unobtrusive |
| Emotions | Positive perception of life | Pessimistic mood |
| Life goals | well-defined | Blurry or missing |
| Self-esteem | Adequate | understated |
The behavior of a confident woman is formed on the basis of the indicated qualities present. Such a woman knows her worth, she adequately assesses her goals and the possibilities of achieving them.
A confident and self-sufficient woman has an image that meets three basic rules:
Self-confidence will give the perfect appearance. Well-groomed skin of hands, faces, professional makeup and manicure, together with stylish clothes, will raise self-esteem. Also, even posture and a beautiful figure will add confidence and self-confidence.
When communicating, the gaze should be straight, the head held high. One must be able to restrain the appearance of emotions on the face, especially anger and anger, which will alienate the interlocutor. At the same time, friendliness can be expressed simply with a smile.
From the ability to correctly express your thoughts depends on how quickly you will be understood. Therefore, there are also rules here, it is recommended:
- When considering an issue or a controversial situation, start building a sentence with an emphasis that you express your personal opinion. That is, start with “I think”, “I think”, “I will be glad”, but do not build a sentence with the phrase " You" or " you”, because it will sound like a claim to a specific person and will cause him to protest accepting your views.
- If during communication a person is lost, confused in thoughts, you can prompt and direct him.
- Words uttered in your company that are unpleasant to you should be stopped immediately.
- Express your thoughts specifically without phrases "I'll think", "Maybe", "I don't know".
- Do not lose your temper, communicate politely and positively.
These rules will help overcome fear, embarrassment and self-doubt, and become a more determined, respectful woman.
Men are attracted to confident women.
It is difficult for a woman with low self-esteem to attract the attention of a man. Because she will be lost under his gaze, feel insecure. Moreover, if the relationship develops, the woman will be tormented by doubts, and the resulting insecurity in the man will lead to frequent outbreaks of unreasonable jealousy. Such insecurity in the relationship will exhaust the woman, the man will feel her hesitation and there is a high probability that such a relationship will fall apart.
Most men love confident women with adequate self-esteem. A girl with a positive attitude, a smile, a stylish appearance, at the same time with a confident life position, a sense of tact and all-round development, will always be in the center of male attention.
However, a very self-confident woman, turning into self-confidence, considering herself superior to others, will repel a man. Since a young man next to such a girl will begin to feel an inferiority complex.
Men love self-confident women, because it is pleasant to spend time with them both together and in society. They cause admiration and attract the views of the surrounding people. A confident and self-aware man will not be unreasonably jealous, but will only enjoy seeing the enthusiastic looks directed at his companion.
Thus, if the upbringing received in childhood did not lay the foundation for the development of a strong and self-confident personality, it can be done independently in adulthood. However, it will take willpower, time and a desire to change for the better. A self-confident woman is admired and admired, she achieves her goals while remaining friendly and polite.
The next video is about whether it is possible to become a self-confident woman at all. How to do it?
Before we dive headlong into building true self-confidence, let's take a step back and try to understand what confidence is.
Confidence is the knowledge that what you own will eventually become what you want and make you happier. This is a necessary condition for an idea to become an action.
Confidence is the ability to believe in yourself when a big deal is coming up, raise your hand when an interesting project comes up, or speak at a conference (and without any excitement!). Confidence is not a 100% guarantee that everything will always work out, but it helps you get out of your comfort zone, push your boundaries and set the course for success.
Statistics confirm that success has more to do with confidence than competence. So here are five steps to self-confidence.
1. Play confident
Strange as it may sound, but in order to learn to be truly confident, at first you can imitate confidence. In the wild, some animals pretend to be brave in the face of danger. Pretend you too.
Self-hypnosis doesn't work. Our brain analyzes and compares our expectations with our experience and real life situation. If these two aspects do not match, the brain gets out of control and you begin to experience stress. Anxiety and negative thoughts appear, due to which all self-confidence disappears. So how can we be?
Better prepare for an exciting situation, rehearse in front of a mirror (pay attention to both tone of voice and facial expressions) and look at others positively, enjoy communicating with them. This will give the brain "reason enough" to believe that our positive attitude corresponds to a favorable external situation, and confidence will appear by itself.
2. Remember that you expect more from yourself than others from you.
The good news is that the whole world will believe what you show. Thank God, no one can read your thoughts, know about fears and anxiety.
The bad news: you can misinterpret any sideways glance, any random word, any reaction of people to your actions, and then worry about this (far-fetched) reason.
In this case, psychologists recommend listening to your inner voice (do not be scared ahead of time, no one is going to persuade you to engage in self-hypnosis). Do a little experiment: for one week, write down what thoughts are spinning in your head (exact wording) when you experience a lack of self-confidence.
By simply recording and analyzing your inner dialogue, you will be one step closer to reducing and hopefully eliminating such thoughts entirely.
In addition, it is useful to write down and keep at hand a list of your achievements, experiences, events that made you feel significant, confident, understand that your actions are beneficial.
Every time your inner voice gets out of control, take a three-minute break, pick up a list, and remind yourself how good you can be. Present your brain with tangible evidence when you need extra reassurance.
3. Keep track of your physical condition
I understand it's a cliché to say that you need to take care of your health, but this cliché didn't appear out of nowhere. Have you ever wondered why, without exception, all successful leaders regularly go in for sports? If you overwork, eat fast food, sleep little, and lead a mostly sedentary lifestyle, it becomes harder to show the world the best version of yourself.
You don't have to train until you drop for hours a day: a 30-minute walk from work to home or climbing the stairs to the 10th floor can be enough to release endorphins. Start with small changes in your habitual way of life, gradually get used to them.
Difficulties and, accordingly, stress must be added to your life in very small portions. You need to circle yourself around your finger so that both physical and mental health are in balance.
4. Increase returns, change your internal dialogue
Do you know why most people's communication skills leave a lot to be desired? Because they are in their own thoughts. Instead of focusing on their interlocutor and demonstrating their disposition, they think how not to blurt out nonsense and what would be so smart to say next. The main reason for this behavior: they are poorly prepared.
It's almost impossible to be truly confident if you haven't prepared enough to show your best side. Think about the people you are talking to. What do they really want? What's stopping them? How can you help them?
If you focus on helping your interlocutor, you will get rid of anxiety and get the same genuine interest in response.
This method is worth using to promote your services or if you want to impress at any event.
Spend time researching materials on the topic and your audience. Every hour spent on this activity will bring a disproportionate result. And what happens when you get a positive response? You guessed it - you'll gain lasting, genuine self-confidence.
5. Fail fast, fail often
A terrifying word that paralyzes even outstanding people and prevents them from achieving success - failure. It especially haunts those who are perfectionists by nature and are chronically afraid of doing something wrong.
But failures in our life happen, it's just inevitable. In fact, if you are not mistaken, then you are not learning anything new. Remember Ramit Seti's saying more often: "It's not a failure - it's a test."
You're just checking that it won't work. And when you know this, you can move on and find ways that will lead to the desired result.
And most importantly: once you come to your senses after another "failure", you realize that you do not feel empty. After all, it is this experience that helps you face your fears and achieve your goals in the future.
Forgiveness is different from reconciliation. If reconciliation is aimed at a mutual “deal”, which is achieved through bilateral interest, then forgiveness is achieved only through the interest of the one who asks for forgiveness or forgives.
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Life is a strange and complicated thing that can throw up dozens of troubles in one day. However, it is worth remembering: any trouble is a lesson that will definitely come in handy sometime in the future. If a person is an honest student, then he will remember the lecture the first time. In the event that the lesson was incomprehensible, life will confront him again and again. And many people take this literally, complicating their lives! But sometimes you should not endure some things, looking for life lessons in them! What specific situations should be stopped?
Everything seems dull and gray, close people annoy, work infuriates and there are thoughts that all life is heading downhill somewhere. In order to change your own life, it is not necessary to do something supernatural and complex. Sometimes the simplest and most accessible actions for everyone can significantly increase the level of energy and make you feel much better. Try to introduce 7 effective practices into your life that will dramatically change your life for the better.
