Good day to all....
My story began not so long ago. I met my future husband several years ago. I was 20 years old, he was 23. It was love at first sight. We met for a week, he proposed, We got married, we had a daughter. Let me tell you right away, he is a wonderful family man, a caring father, he loves me, but very rarely expresses it emotionally. After giving birth, we became less close, the child is small, and I didn’t look my best, to put it mildly. So it seemed like our life wasn’t bad.. We have a family friend, if possible That’s what to call him, More precisely, he’s my husband’s best friend. He often visited us, but other than hello, how are you, our communication was no different. He worked in another city. It all happened at the beginning of last year, after moving back he began to visit us quite often. I never looked at him as a man. He is not handsome, my husband is much more attractive, I never liked his lifestyle our friend (Sasha) and how he communicates with girls. And then something inexplicable to me happened. I was in the hospital with the child and it was already the day of discharge and my husband could not come to pick us up, he asked Sasha to come. Sasha took us home, helped me carry my bag, and as I closed the door, I caught his gaze on me, incomprehensible and strange to me. After that, we rarely saw each other, but I began to look at him like a woman looking at a man, and not like a friend looking at a friend. But everything passed quickly and I forgot about it until the next meeting. Summer came and Sasha invited my husband and me for a walk, we went to the bar, sat and chatted nicely and went to our house at home, the gatherings continued with jam and tea, we chatted and laughed. My husband went to bed, Sasha and I sat in the kitchen and continued talking, We always shared our problems with each other, our victories with everyone. After talking all night, we finally went to bed. In the morning, my husband went to work. I woke up, my daughter was still sleeping, I went to wake up Sasha. With the words weirdo, wake up, I I started to wake him up, waking up and saying that I was a terrible person, Sasha grabbed me by the leg and threw me on the bed and hugged me. I’m in shock, because I didn’t expect this, - your heart is beating strongly, he said. It’s beating because of that I'm shocked. What are you doing??
I just want to hug you...I got up and went to make coffee. Sasha came and we sat down to drink coffee. He - I’m just like that, I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I said, come on, forgot everything was fine. After that we didn’t see each other for about 2 weeks. Then Sasha came to visit us. And we again found ourselves in hugs... and this went on for quite a long time, about a month, we hugged and chatted, it was
O
no kisses, no intimacy. We joked with him and said that this was very strange. The next month, at the next moment of our embrace, he kissed me... and that’s probably where it all started. There was no intimate life with my husband. But Sasha is different He
gentle, affectionate, caring. We couldn’t sleep for a long time, as soon as it came to this, he couldn’t then I. We felt that we were betraying a loved one, but we were drawn to each other. And it still happened. We felt good together and At the same time, I felt very bad that I was cheating on my husband, that I was betraying him. I was looking for an excuse for myself.
that my husband could also cheat on me. There were reasons to think so... and I simply didn’t have enough affection and care from him, and endless conversations on this topic did not give any results.... So 6 months passed. Sasha and I were like schoolchildren in love hiding in the corners. He never said that he loved me. But I felt that he had some feelings for me. He affectionately called me a little girl. He and I agreed that when our obsession ends, we will still communicate. But after he didn’t come to the meeting on my birthday. And now for 2 months he hasn’t answered calls or letters. We stopped communicating. I call him, he doesn’t answer the phone, and my mind has become clouded, I’ve become obsessed with him. I call, write I ask him to simply explain the reason for leaving, why?? he didn’t explain anything, he just disappeared. I understand that we cannot be together. Because I will never destroy a family, a child must have a father. I understand that I treated my husband like the last woman who betrayed him, although he doesn’t know anything, but I’m disgusted by all this. I don’t know why I continue to write to Sasha, because he’s everything - still doesn’t answer. It’s so disgusting in my soul, I really want to heal from this addiction, but I can’t, I constantly think about him, about what happened, I go over that day before he disappeared, every minute, second, I remember every word , why did he do that... Everything is aggravated by the fact that I communicate very well with his mother, and of course I’m interested in how Sasha is doing. Sasha stopped communicating with many people, went headlong into business. He told her that he was in a relationship. What’s his name throw it out of my heart, get over it, forget not to write and call into emptiness......Knowing myself, if he had come and said everything directly honestly, I would not have called or written to him and we would have just quietly parted ways, time would have passed and we would have become communicate as before when they were just friends, but without saying or explaining anything.... it’s a shame that the person did this.
Sorry for the confusion of the text, it’s just a real mess in my head, it seems to me that my mind has gone to a psychiatric hospital
I love my husband's best friend... Everything is so hard, I'm so confused...
Let me start with the fact that I am married and have a child. I love my husband's best friend... it all started almost two years ago.
My husband introduced me to his friends, I am a sociable person and began to communicate with them, we quickly became friends. I immediately didn’t like this man, he seemed like a boring and uninteresting person. My friend once suggested making a joke at his expense, and I wrote to him (my friend) that I liked him, I loved him.
He somehow reacted calmly, even unexpectedly. He wrote back: “Well, at least someone needs it.” Then we began to develop this topic... he told me that he liked me as a girl, but as a friend’s wife, not so much... I freaked out and was offended. He wrote that it’s not about me, but about him - he can’t do that. In general, he did not reciprocate in any way.
And at one fine moment I caught myself thinking that I wasn’t actually pretending to miss him, I was only thinking about him, it scared me. I had previously experienced the bitter experience of unrequited love... but this was completely different, something stronger than first love, I myself somehow experienced it even more painfully. It was very painful...
Once we kissed, and rather on his initiative, usually when I tried to kiss him, I kissed him, he didn’t start talking to me, as if nothing was happening, but then he kissed me... he later explained it like this: “ so that you leave behind,” and I couldn’t be offended by him for a long time.
And then we actually slept together... then, of course, we quarreled and decided not to communicate at all anymore. But it looked strange, he constantly communicated with my husband, and we had to meet and communicate, we wouldn’t explain to my husband and other friends what we had done, and I was ashamed to look him in the eye, I was embarrassed because I signed up for this and didn't tell him NO!!! And I should have.
After much discussion and intense communication, we began to sleep steadily. I confessed to him that I loved him, told him - and pressed him tightly, realizing that I was doing something stupid, I decided to let him know and come what may. They started arguing again. I don’t like strained and tense relationships, communication for me is better than no communication at all...
And once I told him that I only needed him for sex... and now I don’t need any love or affection from him... (I lied, of course...) He just agreed to sex until the girl will meet... and everything seems to suit me, but now he somehow began to behave differently... more gentle, attentive. Usually, guys, if they meet girls for sex, they don’t try very hard - do the job and walk away safely!
I began to behave coldly towards him: I came, had sex and left almost immediately. And here it’s strange - he wants to talk both before and after, it comes to the point that I kiss him, and he talks... I tell him not to talk, I came with you, and he tells me - but I want to talk, and in no way reciprocate doesn’t answer until we talk, we can just chat, fall asleep, wake up, talk and go home.
Why is that??? I can't understand how he treats me? That he likes me - I just can’t believe it anymore, he convinced me for so long that he had nothing for me. But it’s also impossible to say that there is nothing at all; his attitude has clearly changed for the better...
And I don’t know what to think... my brain is exploding... I’m divorcing my husband... but that’s a different story, he started cheating on me, throwing tantrums for and without reason, in general, it didn’t work out. By the way, I first started sleeping with his friend because he openly cheats on me, people come up on the street and ask, “Is it okay that I’m sleeping with your husband?” In general, I have decent moral concepts, I would never cheat on my husband...
And there is one more very strange case: I can’t sleep with anyone else except my husband’s friend! (It’s disgusting with my husband after I found out about the betrayal...) It’s like a disease, I only want him and that’s it, others (including my husband...) don’t hug, kiss, do everything wrong and the body is not the same and the character is not the same, every little thing is of great importance to me...
Explain what this is??? Maybe there’s some kind of addiction... I understand that I won’t sleep with him forever, but I can’t do anything, I can’t with anyone else!!! It brings me to tears... I feel disgusted with myself, even though I’ve had nothing but a friend with anyone. It’s disgusting because I was trying to prove something to myself! I can’t even kiss someone else - what can I say about anything more... like a switch is triggered. No, I don’t want to, I can’t, this is wrong, I’ll wait until I meet a friend. It’s both shameful and wrong, in my opinion, not for your husband, but for your lover to cheat even with your husband! I never thought that this could happen!
I am so attached to my husband’s friend that I don’t know what to do, help!!! I've never treated anyone like that in my life. Afraid. I know!! That he will hurt me, but I can’t let him go. What should I do????
You can’t tell me how I can get him out of it - how does he feel about me, how does he treat me???? I really need to know, but he is silent, like a partisan!!! He says if he tells me, it won’t be interesting, I have to understand myself...
He advised me to divorce my husband. But I would have divorced him sooner or later anyway. He (my husband’s friend) is a good actor and, if necessary, can play so believably, well, either I want to think so and he would like to put it on me, he’s just too decent, so he can’t send it, I can’t understand, but I want certainty and clarity... SORRY IF I'M VERY RUDE... If there are mistakes... It's just that when I write quickly, it's always like that.
Katusha_ (Russia)
Afraid of public censure? Also by. Who is now ready to defend moral canons? Just imagine: your work collective found out that one of you stole a friend’s wife, they are now happy, but the friend is in grief. What then? Friendly court? Will they stop communicating with this womanizer, will they defiantly not shake hands, will they spit in his face? No, it is absolutely clear that none of this will happen. He took him away and took him away, everyone will only be glad that there was a reason for gossip.
Maybe I finally believed in the ancient law prohibiting the destruction of families? Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife and all that? Do not make me laugh. As we know, now there are all sorts of families and the relationships within them can be anything they want. And therefore, out-of-context condemnation of the fact of adultery no longer makes sense - you never know what the situation is?
No, rather, I was faced with this: no matter how advanced in the issue of family relationships (in words) your friend may be and no matter how broad-minded liberal he pretends to be, but you barely touch his property (read - his wife), and he will easily return to traditionalist positions, from which it is more convenient to condemn your immorality.
My once close friend Anton himself offered me his wife Nina. You really can't envy Anton. His wife was a nymphomaniac with a bunch of typical unrealized fantasies: to have two men at once, to be tied up and taken by force, and stuff like that. What will you do when it turns out that the mother of your two children dreams mainly of sex, and in such volumes that you are clearly not able to do it all? There are few options: you can join swingers - people who deliberately and constantly change partners - or agree with friends, which seems more convenient. Nina wanted sex with me for a long time, it was obvious, but I was persistent and “didn’t notice” her attempts. But Anton followed the wishes of his wife, as a result of which the three of us ended up in bed.
This cannot be called group sex: her husband first fucked her single-handedly and ingeniously, laying her knees up, and then lay down on the side and began to watch my actions with a far from relaxed look. I remember that I was very excited, but didn’t really enjoy it, because my friend watched what was happening through the eyes of a suffering person. It got in the way and ruined everything. And so, the next time Anton invited me to go to them and have sex, I found a reason to refuse. By that time, I had come up with an alternative plan on how to make everyone feel good. I called Nina to a meeting and directly invited her to make love in a more technological way, without Anton. Nothing prevents us from finally meeting secretly, without involving our spouse, who clearly does not like this idea. And we will calm our conscience, if it manifests itself, by the fact that Anton, in principle, does not object to our sexual contacts, since he initiated them himself.
Then for some time everything was very beautiful. We met in the empire-style interiors of the Sovetsky Hotel, rode a scooter in an embrace and didn’t tell anyone anything about our happiness. For a couple of months the situation did not cause concern, and then everything suddenly and immediately went wrong. Nina fell deeply in love with me and noticeably lost interest in her husband. She was even filled with quite deep anger towards him. Events developed rapidly, and one day, first Nina and then Anton shared the news: they had their first conversation about divorce. And at that moment I was quite happy in a relatively new marriage, rocking my one-year-old child in the evenings. Nina and Anton have a couple of wonderful children, and, as Nina believed, they would remain after divorcing her. These conversations gave me a feeling of weightlessness inside, it was all so creepy: adultery turned into a family drama that is being played out here, right in front of you and with your participation.
I didn’t wait for the plot to develop, thinking it best to run away. That is, immediately break off relations with Nina. I have never broken up with anyone so harshly, so cruelly. It’s hard to remember, but then it seemed to me that this was the only way to prolong their long-term alliance with Anton. The calculation was that, having survived the breakup with me, she would not be able to immediately break up with Anton. And on the whole he was justified. Their family survived, and all its members soon cheered up: Anton was offered a job in Paris. The inspired family went on a business trip abroad, and I began to get used to the idea that everything had worked out. But after a short time, under the pressure of circumstances, the reanimated family idyll shattered into pieces.
Anton, coming to Moscow on business, intensified his relationship with his old lover. Nina found out about this almost immediately. And here it is, the long-awaited divorce, now for real and forever. It is customary to justify the breakup of people who have been living together for a long time with mutual kicks and reproaches: this is how the spouses, apparently, try to justify themselves by explaining to others and convincing themselves that this cannot continue to be the case and there is nothing to save. Well, in this fascinating matter, Nina, of course, used the entire stock of “homemade preparations”, including savoryly throwing to Anton: “Yes, I slept with your best friend for a year!” Anton didn’t exactly demand an explanation, he simply told me that he knew. What to say in such situations? I stammered - they say, I thought you knew about everything (Nina tried to assure me of this at one time, probably so that I would not worry). Did not help. The attempt to seize the first lie that came along, in order to cover up a huge lie that had suddenly been revealed, looked ridiculous, predictably absurd.
That's all. Since then, Anton and I have not communicated. I feel like a fool. Because (if we leave out everything related to pangs of conscience) all I got was 10-15 romantic dates. Because of which I then had to be very afraid for a month (when the question of divorce arose), worry for a couple of weeks about the need for a tough breakup with Nina (I felt like a monster), then also worry about the fact that Nina finally revealed our secret (what a bitch!). Well, among all these bonuses, the loss of a friend stands out. I still regret this. But there’s nowhere to go, it’s his own fault.
What can we say based on the experience? Making friends is difficult and becomes more difficult over the years, but in terms of women the situation does not change. It definitely wasn't worth it. It wasn’t worth it, even though I generally got off easy: their family eventually broke up, but without my direct participation. They didn’t punch me in the face, they didn’t even call me a scoundrel. Although I myself know that I am a scoundrel.
Text: Egor Lokhmachev
The search for the ideal man is sometimes carried out against all the rules and in forbidden territories. What happens when our men's best friends come into view?
It is rare when a man appears in our lives alone. We’ll talk about scatterings of socks and crowds of close relatives, whose first and middle names even people with speech therapy education cannot pronounce. His Friends stand apart from all these troubles. Whether we want it or not (usually the second option), we will have to communicate with these womanizers, losers, arrogant people - insert the right word - regularly and, if possible, politely. Find an approach to them, and you can consider that the matter is in the bag. A series of approving remarks: “She’s great” and “I’d like a wife like that” - and your gentleman, without noticing it, will begin to whistle Mendelssohn’s march. In a word, all these Toliks, Gariks and Zhenyas can play quite an important role in your life. Or maybe more than one...
The Imp of Friendship
Sleeping with your boyfriend’s friend (in the sense of “just sleeping”, that is, peddling and returning to the starting position: he is a friend, you are the woman you love) is, of course, utter rudeness even by female standards. And in “adult” life this does not happen too often. When I was a teenager, I easily got caught when I was drunk or caught in a hot hand. Variants of “checks”, “set-ups”, “revenge” and other stupid boyish games have also probably been completed by many. But you and I seem to be understanding and serious people. That is why when an affair with a best friend happens, it is doomed to be serious.
If you have a regular man who may inadvertently read this article, it is better to close this page as soon as possible, under no circumstances link to it on your personal blog and wipe your visit log. In general, by any legal means, do not let him know what I am about to say, otherwise he will be very upset. The fact is that if you began to be inexorably drawn to his best friend and this craving, by all indications, is mutual, then you and he will most likely be together. And you will be happy. After all, in order for the unshakable stronghold called Male Friendship, which is harder than a diamond and more transparent than a baby’s tears, to tremble, there must be reasons that evoke respect.
Natural selection
To put it in the official language of marketers, the main competitive advantage of the Best Friend is that, as a rule, he really doesn’t think about anything like that. After all, that’s how it usually happens. Trying to ingratiate yourself with your boyfriend’s male company and earn the definition of “cool,” you shine with your wit, liberal views, and culinary talents. A friend who is not particularly happy about your appearance on the horizon (they used to have hockey on Saturdays, and now you have a subscription to the conservatory), on the contrary, behaves naturally - complains to the authorities, does not ask permission to smoke, without unnecessary curtsies scolds your borscht. As a result, you have a rare chance to see a man not in a state of active courtship, when, for the sake of showing off, he is ready to pretend to be Abramovich, but as he really is. So, everything is clear with you: if you succumbed to charm, it was not by chance, but while being of a sober mind and solid memory. That is, the option of optical illusion and subsequent disappointment, which, as practice shows, destroys most relationships, is clearly not a threat to you. Friend will have to approach this issue with even greater awareness. Everyone probably knows that “male friendship is sacred.” Somehow it happened like this: while the girls gossip, intrigue and quarrel over a skirt they both like, the boys are friends. Strong and real, as the musketeers and midshipmen bequeathed. So if the person involved decides to encroach on a friend’s woman, then only when he is absolutely sure: you are “The One.” Add to this an increased degree of desire (there is no need to remind you about the taste of forbidden fruits), and the intensity of passions will be such that the explosion of an atomic bomb will seem to you like a cheerful fireworks display with firecrackers - and the picture will finally become clearer. And you choose what to do: admire it, recoil in horror, or leave your autograph on it.
Lena, 24 years old : “I was born and raised in Samara, and I met Sasha when he came to our city on a business trip. For six months, the gentleman came to see me almost every weekend, and then he said: “That’s it, this can’t continue. I’m taking you to Moscow.” And I found myself in an unfamiliar city, which even a year later did not become closer or clearer to me.
The first person I met in the new place was Vanya, Sashkin’s childhood friend. It was he who met us at the airport, and then helped me unpack my suitcases: Sasha was urgently called to work that day. Compared to the rest of his friends, dressed up, talkative and incredibly pretentious, he looked the most adequate. Sashka considered him an eccentric and a simpleton, but they had been friends since school. Sasha was incredibly happy that we quickly found a common language, and took the habit of asking his friend to either go to the cinema with me or just take a walk. At first it seemed strange to me: I live with Sanya, cook food for him, have sex with him, and I have heart-to-heart conversations with his best friend.
The decision to break up with Sasha matured in me precisely thanks to Vanya. No, there was no romance, although there was obviously some kind of chemistry between us. The thing is, this guy has become something of a litmus test. Watching how Vanya treated me, I realized what I was missing in Sasha: he turned out, to put it mildly, not the kind of person with whom I could live happily ever after. Restaurants, shopping, parties - it was, of course, great. But behind all this tinsel, I didn’t see a person with whom I could just walk in the park or lie in front of the TV in the evening. I lacked trust and warmth. What I valued so much in our relationship with Vanya. I could only wonder why Sasha himself invited me to move in with him, since he did not recognize a serious relationship.”
Irina, 29 years old : “Egor and I worked for three years in the same office, but we were never friends. Nevertheless, we communicated quite often. Bes appeared in almost every conversation we had - according to his passport, Zhenya is Yegor’s best friend, and part-time, an underground rock musician and producer. I can’t say that I dreamed of meeting him, but as soon as I was at the concert, my mind was literally blown away: I didn’t hear the music, I just looked at the man standing on the stage. And I thought: “I want him.” "Do not even dream! – Yegor noted. – Bes has a wife and two children. No matter how many girls hung on him, he didn’t react to anyone.” After the concert, the whole crowd of us came to visit Bes - we drank, sang, danced. And all this time I felt his gaze on me, from which an electric discharge struck me. Then everyone began to go home, but before I had time to catch a car, I received an SMS from an unfamiliar number: “Come back.” For three summer months, while Bes’s family was at the dacha, our romance raged. During this time, it seems that the composition of my blood has changed due to the abundance of endorphins. Like a drug addict, I came to him for a dose of intimacy and left hungry every time. It was too good to end...
Yegor, whom we met at work, pretended that nothing was happening. Only once, when I smoked a pack of cigarettes while waiting for a call, he came up and said: “If you need me, you have me.” At that moment, I did not attach any importance to his words... But at the end of August, Bes demanded that I not call him again: his family was returning. I didn’t know what to do, where to run... And I ran to Yegor. I didn’t have to explain anything, and I realized that I had no one closer to him. Until the morning I cried on Yegor’s shoulder: we sat on the bed hugging each other, and I soaked his T-shirt with tears.
At night he nursed me, and during the day he saw Bes - he was no less feverish, and Yegor had to work on two fronts. I don’t know how it happened, but I almost moved in with Yegor. In the morning we went to work together, in the evening we went to the grocery store and back home. For two whole months we slept in the same bed, and nothing happened between us. When I felt his hand on my chest one morning, I asked: “Why now?” “You finally stopped sobbing in your sleep,” Yegor answered.
The demon was the only one of Yegor's friends who did not come to our wedding. I don't know what exactly happened between them, but they stopped existing for each other. “I proposed to you on the day when I realized that I was ready to erase him from my life,” Yegor said when I asked if he regretted losing his friend.”
Sveta, 25 years old: “I would like to say that Pasha and I fell in love at first sight. But that's not true. There were New Year holidays, which we celebrated with a large company at the dacha. Igor, my boyfriend, and I were invited by the owners of the house, and Igor took Pashka with him. They rarely appeared anywhere without each other. At first I laughed at this, but over time I realized that the bonds that bind them are incredibly strong. Igor and Pasha’s parents had been friends since school, the boys also studied in the same class, and then as a couple they entered Suvorov. In general, Igor trusted his friend one hundred percent... Because of the exams at the institute, which were supposed to start any day, I had to leave the dacha before the rest. Pashka also had some business in the city, so we left together. Usually he accompanied me to the door and immediately called Igor to report that he had delivered me safe and sound. But this time everything turned out differently. Trying to find out who took the first step, who crossed the line, is a thankless task. And judging by how quickly the kisses moved into a more active phase, the desire turned out to be mutual. In the hour we spent together, not a single word was said. As soon as Pasha left - and he also did it silently - a wave of horror washed over me. I don’t know why, but I was sure that he would tell Igor about everything. But three days passed, a week - Igor behaved as if nothing had happened. Pasha too, but he tried to meet my gaze less often. I was constantly in incredible tension. And when Pasha appeared on the threshold of my apartment two weeks later, I realized that I had been waiting for him.
We met in secret for six months. We were stuck in this story and were unable to get out of it. We both betrayed the person we loved. And they were ready to betray him again and again, just to be together. Finally, Pasha told Igor everything, to which he received the answer: “Thank you for your honesty, but from today you are dead to me.” I still can’t forget Pashka’s gaze, glassy with pain, when he told me about this... The second blow was more unexpected and even more painful. My parents, having learned that we were now together, kicked him out of the house. “I never thought that my son would grow up to be a traitor!” – Pasha’s mother shouted while he was packing his things. And yet our story ended with a happy ending. More precisely, it has not ended, but is still ongoing - this is happiness. Yes, we live in a rented apartment, which is more like a closet in size. Yes, most of our friends took Igor’s side and stopped communicating with us. Yes, it will take a lot of time for relationships with parents to normalize. But I am sure that we have this time.”