Is it necessary to live with an unloved husband? How to live with an unloved husband? Advice from a psychologist on living with an unloved person. New social connections

It happens that after living for a couple of years in happy marriage, a woman discovers that her husband has become indifferent to her and is not interested in her either as a man or as a friend. What is this?

Which one needs to be experienced? Or is love really gone? In any case, you need to understand yourself, because living with an unloved husband is difficult, it can provoke an intrapersonal conflict that will be difficult to deal with.

Why does love go away?

After two or three years of marriage, the relationship between the spouses changes. Passion, bright emotions gradually disappear, completely different feelings take their place. This surprises and frightens many girls; they begin to think that they have stopped loving their spouse. In fact, this is not so, it’s just that love has acquired a different quality, and you need to accept that now your relationship has become stronger and calmer.

There are situations when a woman really stops loving her husband. The reason for this could be resentment and disappointment. This happens in . Cooling rarely occurs on its own. And here the question arises: is it possible to live with an unloved husband? You can live for some time without having any feelings for your partner.

True, this situation is often complicated by the fact that the woman does not want to have sex with the person who has become a stranger to her. This provokes quarrels, misunderstandings and conflicts. Sometimes indifference gives way to irritation and even hatred. This is where mental tossing begins, developing into an internal personal conflict. Women often cannot make a choice: at any cost or leave. And sometimes the cause of internal discord is a lack of understanding whether there are any feelings left towards the spouse. Perhaps the cooling occurred only temporarily?

How to check your feelings?

There is an easy way to check if you still love your spouse. Imagine that he has another woman. How does this make you feel? Or imagine that he left forever for a distant country. Do you want to drop everything and follow him? If you are ready to fight for your husband, to run to the ends of the earth for him, then most likely your relationship has not completely exhausted itself. If you don't care, then the love is gone.

Should I leave or stay?

When answering this question, people usually take one of two extreme positions. The first one sounds like this: “This is your fate, be patient.” Adherents of the second point of view urge a woman not to waste her life, not to torture herself and the other person, and to break off relationships.

Both are difficult to achieve. There are situations when the spouse is both gentle and caring, but still there is no love. And leaving him means causing serious injury to a person, offending and insulting him. What to do? First you need to analyze your feelings. If you are still together, what connects you? Maybe you are afraid? Or does your spouse provide for you, are you used to living in comfort and security and do not want to lose such a comfortable life?

Or maybe you still retain gratitude and respect, even if these feelings are hidden for the time being in the hidden corners of your soul? Or does family mean loneliness for you? If you honestly answer these questions for yourself, it will be easier for you to make a choice. Consider your relationships from the height of your global life plans. Think about whether the family, as it is, will help you realize your main dreams? From this point of view, try to make a decision. Emotions and conflicts are unlikely to help you. Before making a choice, you need, if any, to take a break, perhaps leave for a while, if circumstances allow. It will probably be easier for you to understand yourself and your feelings while apart.

And finally, the easiest way to understand how to live with an unloved husband. If, despite everything, you have maintained a trusting relationship with your spouse, then you should just sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk. It may not work, but it should make you feel better. Tell him in a gentle way how you feel, don’t be afraid to offend him.

Your incomprehensible cooling and detachment, which you cannot explain in any way, causes much more pain. Think together if you can somehow change the situation. The main thing is not to blame your chosen one, just discuss your feelings with him. This will definitely help. In order to make a life-changing decision, personal maturity is required. You need to stop feeling dependent on circumstances and the opinions of other people. You will need

It happens that, after living a couple of years in a happy marriage, a woman discovers that her husband has become indifferent to her and is not interested in her either as a man or as a friend. What is this?

Crisis stage of family life. which one needs to be experienced? Or is love really gone? In any case, you need to understand yourself, because living with an unloved husband is difficult, it can provoke an intrapersonal conflict that will be difficult to deal with.

After two or three years of marriage, the relationship between the spouses changes. Passion and vivid emotions gradually disappear, and completely different feelings take their place. This surprises and frightens many girls; they begin to think that they have stopped loving their spouse. In fact, this is not so, it’s just that love has acquired a different quality, and you need to accept that now your relationship has become stronger and calmer.

There are situations when a woman really stops loving her husband. The reason for this could be resentment and disappointment. This also happens in families after the birth of a child. Cooling rarely occurs on its own. And here the question arises: is it possible to live with an unloved husband? You can live for some time without having any feelings for your partner.

True, this situation is often complicated by the fact that the woman does not want to have sex with the person who has become a stranger to her. This provokes quarrels, misunderstandings and conflicts. Sometimes indifference gives way to irritation and even hatred. This is where mental tossing begins, developing into an internal personal conflict. Women often cannot make a choice: save their family at any cost or leave. And sometimes the cause of internal discord is a lack of understanding whether there are any feelings left towards the spouse. Perhaps the cooling occurred only temporarily?

Both are difficult to achieve. There are situations when the spouse is both gentle and caring, but still there is no love. And leaving him means causing serious injury to a person, offending and insulting him. What to do? First you need to analyze your feelings. If you are still together, what connects you? Perhaps you are concerned about the impact of divorce on your children. Or does your spouse provide for you, are you used to living in comfort and security and do not want to lose such a comfortable life?

Or maybe you still retain gratitude and respect, even if these feelings are hidden for the time being in the hidden corners of your soul? Or is family a cure for boredom and loneliness for you? If you honestly answer these questions for yourself, it will be easier for you to make a choice. Consider your relationships from the height of your global life plans. Think about whether the family, as it is, will help you realize your main dreams? From this point of view, try to make a decision. Emotions and conflicts are unlikely to help you. Before making a choice, you need to stop scandals in the family. if they are, take a break, perhaps leave for a while, if circumstances allow. It will probably be easier for you to understand yourself and your feelings while apart.

And finally, the easiest way to understand how to live with an unloved husband. If, despite everything, you have maintained a trusting relationship with your spouse, then you should just sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk. You may not be able to talk about love, but it should make you feel better. Tell him in a gentle way how you feel, don’t be afraid to offend him.

discuss your feelings with him. This will definitely help. In order to make a life-changing decision, personal maturity is required. You need to stop feeling dependent on circumstances and the opinions of other people. You will need to increase your self-confidence. grow up and take responsibility for your actions. And then you will see that there is no right or wrong choice. There is only a solution that will bring peace to your soul, even if it is associated with difficulties.

My advice: Remember what they say: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We are loved exactly as much as we love ourselves. Happiness can only be given by those who force themselves to be happy. After all, it doesn’t depend on anything. I opened my eyes in the morning, thank God for everything I have, for the opportunity to live another wonderful day in this world! To begin with, drive all grievances out of your soul, nothing can be worse, resentment is the worm that sharpens and destroys a person from the inside. Following the insult, anger, irritation, and hatred will settle in the soul. You can only change someone through yourself, and the hardest work is working on yourself. The people around us are a reflection of ourselves, our shortcomings. We just need to learn to see it! If God wants to make us happy, he leads us along the most difficult road, simply because otherwise we would not value so much what comes into our lives.
After living with my husband for nine years, I corrected the most important flaw in myself - touchiness. I was offended so often, I was one step away from a mental hospital, the thought of tightening the noose around my neck, yes. that remembering was not easy. I spent a year of my life learning to forgive and forget, patiently waiting for my husband to mature enough to divorce, so that they would let each other go with kindness. Everything in my life magically began to change, along with how I changed myself, I forced myself to fall in love with myself and be happy every day no matter what!

Married for 6 years. They used to love each other. Now we argue 7 times a day. I would love to get a divorce, but I have nowhere to go. I have a bad relationship with my mother. in other respects, I always think that she is entirely to blame. I'm afraid to ask myself such a question. suddenly I really love you. It’s not that he doesn’t love me, I’m disgusted with him, he criticizes my every move. It's easier for me to hate him. if I let these feelings wash over me he could hurt me every day

I have been living with my husband for 15 years. There are two children. For the last five years I have not been living, but existing. He never indulged in attention before, but now he doesn’t notice at all. It was never just a hug or a kiss. Sex 1-2 times a month. And then I’m always the initiator. He refuses me many times. This topic has already been discussed a million times. He always has some excuses, wants to sleep at night, rushes to work in the morning. She offered to get a divorce, but she doesn’t want to. I don't understand what the reason is. I'm 32. He's 34. I think appearance I'm fine, I'm taking care of myself. Sometimes even unknown men. On the street you get a lot of attention. I don’t understand how to continue to live like this...

I am 60 years old, I have lived with my husband for 36 years. Children - 4. 3rd created families. The youngest is studying at an architectural institute. I'm scared. I am indifferent to my husband, I realized that I live with an unloved man. While retired, I work as a designer. I like the job. I try to do more work that I love. He annoys me. I see emptiness ahead. Children and grandchildren live separately. No matter what I do, he thinks I'm stupid. Although I like to read and travel. In all these 36 years he has not read a single book, but he has good hearing. We don't understand each other at all. We haven't had sex for a long time. I'm already ashamed. Him diabetes. I feel sorry for him. Over all these years we just got used to each other.

I also had this problem in my life, but I overcame it. True, it took 4 years of my life! But recently I came across this article. I read it and realized that I really did a lot of things wrong. We must live for ourselves.

From my own experience I know that it is quite possible to live normally with an unloved person. Only this understanding came to me late. She was young and when she stopped loving her first husband, she didn’t cheat and got divorced. After a while, she married a second time without great love, but simply to be provided for. And I’ve been living well for 16 years now. Question - well, why did I spend my feelings and nerves for the first time on a person whom I later hated?

Thank you very much for the informative and positive article, we all probably face similar problems throughout life together. It seems that the feelings have gone away, and the spouse has become a stranger, but around the corner a brighter feeling awaits us. But as statistics show, few people find happiness and joy around that corner. So is it necessary to strive for that turn? After all, this is to cause injury to our beloved halves, our children, and to ourselves no less. Isn’t it better to try to improve relationships in your own family, because family life– it’s always work and creation!

There are many reasons why couples get into a relationship. The fear of loneliness is far from the last place on this list. Many people are afraid of staying in an empty home in old age and want someone to remember them after death. Family provides insurance and confidence. “If you endure it, you will fall in love,” that’s what people say. However, many psychologists believe that loneliness is by no means the worst option if relationships based on habit are on the opposite side of the scale. Today we will talk about why you can’t live with an unloved person.

Misconceptions about happiness

Society and modern culture have implanted in the minds of many people the idea that single men or women cannot be happy. Before your eyes is the example of parents, more “successful” friends. And they are all vying with each other to ask when to expect radical changes in your life. However, this idea is completely wrong. Just because you have another person next to you, you will not find happiness. For an ideal union with someone, one big condition is necessary - love. Imagine what will happen if marriage is not based on feelings?

Lots of restrictions

By letting another person into your home, you limit your life, your rights, but at the same time you acquire additional responsibilities. Both of you will try to live according to the pattern, limiting your own desires and needs, just because it’s accepted and “everyone does it.” On the other hand, you limit the desires and needs of the other person. Now you both are forced to adapt to each other. In such conditions, life without feelings is like hell, where each of the partners wants to be left alone with themselves in order to finally breathe freely. Understand that finding a partner is not the equivalent of success or a sign of entering adulthood.

Relationships for the sake of relationships will soon exhaust themselves

A lonely person is free to do as he wants, and he has the main thing: freedom of choice. Currently, as an alternative to the usual family structure, there are several relationship options. People actively practice unions without a stamp in the passport, guest marriages and “love at a distance.” You should forever link your destiny with another person only when you understand that you are making each other’s lives better. If your couple is haunted by conflicts and dissatisfaction, sooner or later such an alliance will exhaust itself.

New social connections

A loveless relationship does not eliminate the need for regular meetings with your partner's friends or relatives. You will follow all these rules of etiquette, and it will be difficult for you to develop true sympathy for complete strangers. When a person is lonely, he can leave the party at any time, citing urgent matters. Nobody will hold him. If he craves communication, he goes to a bar and talks with strangers. And it doesn’t matter at all whether he will ever see his new companions again or not. He does not need to look back at his partner every time or catch the reproachful glances of his relatives. By doing this one way or another, he will not hurt anyone's feelings.

People living in megacities see several hundred faces every day; they may not consider themselves lonely at all. All doors are open to you, and there is no reason to tie yourself with a strong rope to a person who by and large you don't care.

Loveless relationships make people even lonelier

When you want to choose something new, you take several things to the fitting room at once. When you try on the model of someone else's ideal life, no one can guarantee that this model will fit like a glove. Gradually you will begin to feel that you exist in a simulated reality. This feeling leads to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction. Relationships themselves do not deliver happiness on a silver platter. Probably no one warned you about this. Two people who live with each other are simply the sum of two people. If you realize that there is no turning back, and your relationship is based on lies and deceit, you will feel much more alone.

Youth is full of temptations, passions, ardent love, bright hopes, but, unfortunately, it is also fraught with dangerous traps. When we are young, we make a lot of mistakes, we fall, we dust ourselves off and move on.

But sometimes rash actions can become fatal, the full gravity of which we are given the opportunity to realize only after decades of delusions. For some, this period begins at thirty, while others realize that the life model acquired in youth does not suit them, closer to forty.

Marriage is a very common way to “settle down,” which is what the vast majority of people on the planet come to. There is nothing special about marriage except one important thing - love.

However, an incredible number of people will confirm that the feeling of trepidation does not even last five years.

But the mythical importance of preserving relationships at all costs, even those that have become obsolete, forces millions of families to live in marriage only out of habit.

Why do we continue to live with the wrong people?

There are a huge number of factors preventing a radical decision to break the bonds of marriage. As a rule, only a strong and self-confident person is able to put his interests above his own fears. This is especially true for women who perceive the world more subtly and sensitively.

Determined women do not wonder how to live with an unloved man for the sake of a child or for some other reason. They strive to find the optimal solution in which everyone will be as happy as possible. But the weaker woman continues to live in her terrible marriage, crying quietly at night, afraid to get rid of her own insecurities once and for all.

Women are often prone to excessive self-sacrifice, and marriage with an unloved person becomes voluntary hard labor for many.

While racking our brains trying to understand how to live with an unloved husband and why to do it, let's try to concentrate on the reasons why this happens:

An unhappy marriage, living with an unloved husband for the sake of a child - why does this happen?

Sometimes a woman sacrifices herself to the imaginary happy future of her children. In her opinion, the life of a son or daughter will not be complete without own father. The word “divorce” sounds like a magical curse that can destroy all hopes for a bright future for the younger generation.

Therefore, many ladies try to even avoid the thought of such a dubious decision and daily perform the ritual of sacrificing themselves in an unhappy marriage.

Stereotyped thinking is unable to answer the question of how justified such a sacrifice is and whether it is really necessary for the child. After all, the all-knowing society has already given all the answers for us.

But if you think for a second about the children themselves and their perception of the situation, you can understand that your imaginary sacrifice does not go unnoticed by them. Children often very subtly sense energy fluctuations that are barely noticeable to those around them, and the complete lack of sincerity, warmth and mutual understanding in the family will definitely not pass them by. Now imagine that your now adult child finds out that he has become the root cause of his own mother’s long-term suffering.

How do you think he should feel?

Many ladies, after years of feeling the burden of their mistakes, try to shift the blame onto their children, but in response they will hear only one thing - the child did not need your sacrifice at all.

Such a decision on how to get rid of an alliance with an unloved husband through divorce is most often not an option. You are depriving the child of the opportunity to see and communicate with his own father. It often happens that it is after such a difficult period for everyone that the relationship between fathers and children becomes stronger. However, if your spouse does not show initiative towards the child, then rest assured that you have made the right choice.

Moreover, a marriage with a new person, based on sincere mutual feelings and respect, can be positive for children. After all, true love is not meaningless sacrifices, but the desire to please and give warmth.

Only you will make the decision to start living a new life, whether you should continue to stay with your unloved husband. Don't let fears, insecurities, public opinion, or even loved ones limit your freedom to choose your own future.

If you were able to endure years of living with an unwanted man, is it really so terrible to break up, which then opens up amazing scope for you to act?

In addition, family, friends and friends, although they will not support your radical step, will certainly share all the difficulties with you and help you along the path to renewal.

Life in a state of continuous self-sacrifice will sooner or later squeeze all the juice out of even the strongest woman. But are ephemeral prospects and the opinions of others worth your suffering? Live for yourself and remember that life is about changes, without which moving forward is impossible.

By marrying an unloved man, a woman obviously dooms herself to suffering. There are many reasons for this choice. But the consequences are always the same. The woman exhausts herself with vain attempts to love her husband, but in the end she realizes that she is unable to command her heart to love. The best way out of this maze is divorce.

The life of a woman married to a man who is not dear to her heart has several features. Firstly, immediately after the wedding she realizes that there is a stranger next to her. His warmth does not warm him, his smile does not please him, his attempts to get closer cause disgust and disgust.

Secondly, the atmosphere in the house is heating up every day and the best salvation from this is to go to work, preferably 24/7.

Thirdly, a woman who cannot realize her feelings and desires with her husband starts on the side.

In all cases, there is an escape from oneself and one’s life. And no matter what reasons push a woman to marry someone she doesn’t love, she needs to soberly assess her strengths and understand whether she can overcome her feelings and save the family.

Some features of a man's life with an unloved woman

When talking about men, you need to understand that they are unique people. Everyone is individual. Some men are able to live with an unloved person for a long time, others get divorced soon. There are different situations in life. However, we can cite some features of such a man’s life

A man who does not have feelings for a woman is quite capable of cheating and having an affair. Every person's upbringing is different. So, some men may completely lose respect for a woman. Sometimes this affects children (especially if they are from another man).

A man may become harsher and cease to be responsive and kind. When a man has no feelings, a woman begins to feel it. Family scandals are possible, which leads to more frequent irritability of the man and even greater rejection of the family.

Some men. Those who are greedy for alcohol may find solace in alcoholic beverages, while others simply immerse themselves in work.

All these are just some of the features of the lives of people who dare to live with an unloved person. These features may well lead to eventual breakdowns in relationships.